My Experience - near death ; rebirth

It all happened 3 years back and still a night mare it is. Well, it was May 2008. We were all geared up to celebrate my son's first
b'day. We were busy buying return gifts to the kids and packing it. I used to get frequent headaches from my childhood itself
Courtesy hereditary migraine which i got from my mom. I used to take pain killers and sleep. Next day it would be gone. But two
days before the birthday celebrations I got a heavy headache.I took some [painkiller as usual. It was not going off. Meanwhile my
parents and in-laws both came to our place so that they will also be there for the birthday. I neglected my headache for not
spoiiling the fun of the occasion. I managed to go for the birthday party arranged, cut the cake with my son. But couldn't stay in
the hotel late. I returned home with my neighbour leaving my husband to take care of all the wrapping up of the event. I came and
collapsed to bed. The day after also the head ache was not gone. I went to a hospital nearby. they told me it could be a vision
problem and asked to get eye check up done. I went to an eye specialist and he prescribed glasses with 0.5 power. Went to the
shop but couldn't get a good frame. so placed an order and came back home. Again to bed. By evening. I was totally down. My
father called my husband and asked to come back fom work quickly and take me to the doc. Meanwhile, I lost conciosness. My
hands became stiff. My husband came home and got panicked seeing me. He immediately called my neighbour wwho suggested
to take me to a hospital. Immediately i wsa taken to a hospital where they took a CT scan of my brain. My mother and my
husband came along. After examing the scan they informed my husband that it looked like a tumour in the brain and needed an
immediate surgery. Poor my husband was all panicked. He ran to my mom and started crying. Though they don't have a
language in common, this coul be understood. The hospital staff had asked my husband to sign some papers. He did all that in
some kind of trans. The surgery went on for 5 hours. Once the doctor came out, he informed my husband that it was not a
tumour, but an abscess. First time my husband was hearing about brain abscess. I was shifted to post surgery ward. Each day
was a trauma for my parents and my husband. My husband once asked the doctor. " I want my Lakshmi alive. EVen if she is
having some problems it is okay." The doctor did a spin in his rotating chair and said, "pray to God". My husband's heart sank.
Every day my husband and my mom were permitted to see me inside the ICU. They came and shouted and screamed my name
hoping that i would open my eyes, but all in vain. Finally on the eighth day when my mom called me I moved my hand a little bit it
seems. Next day I opened my left eye. My right eye was completely closed and i tried hard to open it. but no luck. I didn't speak
also. Doctor told that I was out of danger but whether i have some memmory problems or not has to be checked. The next day
the doctor came to me with my husband and asked whether I could identify him. I Itold his name. My lip was moving but no
sound came out. The doctor was happy that atleast I could reemember my husband. Slwoly evryone realised that my one side
was paralyzed. I couldn't move my left leg and hand. I couldn't even sit up for a long time. Affter a week I opened my right eye too.
but the vision was lost. Meanwhile doctors were investigating on how thw brain abscess came. Brain abscess in some kind of
pus formation in the brainThey asked my mom and husband whether I had any fall or whether i had any ear infection in the past. I
never had any. Finally they decided to take an echo of my heart and then dicovered the reason for barin abscess. A hole in the
heart!! It is called Atrial septal defect (ASD). It is congenital. It seems that many people will be born with this defect, but by the age
of 10 or 100 it will get closed by itself. For me it didn't happen and noone ever discovered it since I didn't have any symptoms,
even during my pregnancy.Pure blood got mixed with impure blood and it got circ ulaed in the brain. Then one month I was in
hospital bed. One month of physiotherapy in the hospital did me some good. I could move my hand and leg.. though not able to
walk properly. I was discharged from hospital saying that after 6 months i need to undergo a heart surgery to close my ASD.
Else this can happen again!! I came home. My parenyts and in-laws both were there at home. My mom was taking care of me
while my mother-in-law was in charge of my one year old. My son was anyway refusing to come near me or even look at me as
my shaven head turned me into another person. His mom used to look okay. he got scared looking at me. the physiotherapy
was continuing even at home. I could move around inside my room very slowly without falling down. Six months went along as
six long years. My parents and my in-laws were staying with us since someone has to take care of me and some one to take care
of my son. One another thing is they are from diffrent places , different cultutres, different languages, but still they all lived under
one roof helping each other. Thanks to my parents and in-laws. The date came for my heart checkup and we opted for device
closure since the surgery was too much for my body to handle. The doctor took me to the table. It was to be done by inserting
one catheter through the thigh. He started doing it. Asked me whether I need to sleep off; i mean whether I need local anastesia
or seductive. I opted for seductive, Two hours later I Gained back my consious ness and i was shifted to a room. Then my
husband came to my room first. He seemed to be a little bit dull. I thoiught he might have been tensed bacause of this surgery.
Then after sometim ethe doctor also came tomy room. He gave a smile at my husband and asked "Have you told her?" " Not yet"
replied my husband. I was wondering what is going on. The doctor himself broke the suspense. It was that the device closure
didn't work. They discovered one more hole in the heart, which was located in one corner and didn't give enough margins for the
device closure. So the fact is that I have to undergo an open heart surgery only. The doctor asked whether they can schedule the
surgery for an immediate date or wait some more time . Since I had a maojor brain surgery not long ago he said i can come after
couple of months for the surgery. But I wanted to somehow get it done and go away from hospital. I we scheduled it for the next
week. So the next week heart surgery was also done. Poor my son was supposed to stay away from me. But he didn't miss me
much I guess because all grandparents were around him. After the heart surgery I got discharged after 8 days. But doctors
asked me not to do qny heavy work or lift weight for couple of months. That meant keeping away from my son too. After couple
of months I was allowed to lift my son once ina while. How I missed him!! Still physiotherapy was continued at home. Every
morning one physiotherapist used to come and give eexercise for my legs and hands. By now I was walking around inside the
house though climbing steps was not possible. I went to our bedroom in the first floor after few months only. I went to Kerala to
my home and took rest there for almost six months.. Though the main purpose of this vacation was geetting close to my son
when one year was over after surgery I came bacck to Chennai to join my husband. My mother also came with me satyed with us
for another 3-4 months and she went back. I started doing the house chores with the help of a maid. Now 2 years are over but
still I'mblind in one and half eye( my right eye completely lost vision and half of left eye too- there is no side vision for my left eye).
and walks with a slight limp on my left leg. I'm atleast happy that my can spend quality time with my son when he needs me now.
Anyway life has changed since then. Since I cannot go out wthout anyone else I can't even go out for simple shopping alone. My
husband has to take me wherever have to go. I can't do things or even walk fast as i used to. So everything needs a
planning. No uninvited guests home:-( I was working for 9 years as software engineer. I quit the job when i conceived( I was in
complete bed rest that time) hoping that i could get back to work when my kid becomnes 3 years or so. Now anyway going for
work is ruled out.
Changes in me due to this whole episode.
I have become a believer now.
I bacame more attached to my parents and I miss them a lot. I stay in Chennai and they are in Kerala. My mom still feels bad that I
am educated and can't go for work. I'm their only child.
I am thinking of getting some" work from home" job. I have my 9 year software experience in mainfarmes and hence not much
opportunities for working from home.
I'm looking for some mallu friends here in Chennai. Anyone out there who is from kerala and permanently settled in Chennai?
Everyone was telling that I have been strong and my will power only brought me back to life. I don't know. I just wanted to lead a
normal life again. I i am close to normal now, though not fully normal .
I used to go for bi mon thly checkups till recently. Every time I used to ask the doctor about when my viusion will get back to noirmal. None of the doctors had an answer for that. Everyone asks me to wait. I waited for one month initially, then two months, then six months, then a year , then couple of years and now i have lost any hope regarding this. Once when I asked the doctor his re[ply was " you ere knocking the door, we pulled you back. Now you are sittimg and talking ro me. That bitself is a matter to celebrate". Once a junior doctor who also was in the tewam who did my surgery told me that I can change my birth date, since i almost had a rebirth!! Anyway I'm grtae ful yto God that I got my life back. I can some hwta manag ethe households now. I also grateful that I'm not totrally blind.