"Uyir" - Views about this recent Tamil film

Most Gracious ILites,
For a while I was lying low as far as controversial subjects are concerned. But senior members do remember that not long ago I had raised many controversial subjects in the form of Lakshmi Snippets which generated a lot of discussion, quite a good amount of heat and some light as well.
This is another controversy I want you to apply your mind to.

All of you are aware that the recently released film Uyir has given raise to a lot of controversy.
The film portrays a lady's lust for her brother in law. Now I also strongly oppose films like these for they shake the very foundation of our family relationships. Our culture proclaims that a sister in law is equivalent to a mother.
Jyestha bratha pitr samaha
Brathur pathni matr samaha
An elder brother is equal to a father and his wife, to a mother.
In Ramayana, while Rama identifies all the jewels worn by Sita in her head and neck, Lakshmana is able to identify only the jewels worn by Sita in her foot. For he always worships his sister in law.
Considered in that background this movie has attacked the very cultural foundation and deserves to be condemned in the strongest terms. Agreed.
But let's go a step deeper. In 1995 the movie Asai became a big hit. What is the story line?
A man, in his lust for his wife's sister even murders his wife. In 1997 Vaali came with Ajith in a double role. The villain Ajith will lust for his brother's wife.
If a wrong relationship is what we are concerned with we should have objected to those movies also in equally strong terms. We did not.
In fact there were many women viewers for these movies than men. And both these movies were appreciated for their strong story line, good screen play, acting etc. etc.
But when it comes to Uyir, why there is so much noise?
I'll let you a secret. In Asai and Vali it was men who transcended the limits of relationship and lusted for a wrong woman. So it was accepted.
But when the same thing is done by a woman, there is an uproar.
A woman has the same feelings as man. If a man has lust for his sister in law why can't a woman for her brother in law?
You condemn that man, you condemn that woman. That's different.
But accepting Asai as a good film and condemning Uyir, is I think, a refined form of male chauvinism.
There are good men and there are bad men. And so is the case with women.
You cant have a movie with all good people. Nobody will see it.
A man is free to be bad, lusting, immoral and unfaithful. But if a woman is like that you say, "our culture is at stake."
The same culture was at stake when Prakash Raj laid hands on his wife's sister in Asai or when Ajith lusted for his brother's wife in Vaali.
Why do you think Sangeetha desiring his brother in law in Uyir will destroy our culture?
I think by this the society is telling women, "Men can be bad; no problem. But you women can't be bad. Then our culture will be destroyed."Absolutely ridiculous.
Well, if you allow your men to be bad, how will they allow your women to be good?
I am not saying that we should condone a woman's excesses. If you want a strong, good culture then there has to be the same rules of morality for both men and women. Yes, you can gun down Uyir's director. But use the same gun to shoot the Directors of Aasai and Vaali.
What do you think?
regards,
varalotti

Dear Sridhar,

Upon reading your post, the above word is all that came to my mind! Because, while browsing, I came upon the below film news last night and read it out of sheer curiosity. It irritated me no end. How narrow minded can people get?
Agreed, some things are best kept under wraps. But please, one has to also agree that we have crossed many boundaries and lines and a lot of taboo themes are out there in the open. It is high time that people with conservative thoughts come to terms with the world around them. If you push unpleasant things under the carpet, it does not mean they do not exist. Like you said, if a man can have weaknesses, so also a woman. Afterall, both are human beings..Wake up people....

http://www.behindwoods.com/tamil-mov...06-thambi.html

Dear Sridhar

I too agree with your views. In my opinion,it is afterall , a movie,that's all.

All the characters have acted well and great work by Sangeetha ,the sister-in-law,I would say.A movie with a different theme-that's it.How long can we keep seeing rich boy loves poor girl,vice versa,horror movies,murder mysteries,or goonda movies. I think we need a break.Atleast,the director has taken the trouble to portray such a sensitive subject in a decent manner,hats off to him!!

Hi Varalotti,

this is well said.Such incidents occur in real life too- whether movies are made from real life or real life incidents are made as a movie is a heated debate like " Muttai mudhalla vandhudha illa kozhiya?". I know personally of a family where one ladys husband dies and his brother marries her(out of pity!!!!), he cancelled his engagement with his girlfreind and married his SIL!!!

Whenever we browse -- tamil, hindi channels(my husband always says "sunTV should be changed to SHUN TV" ) we always find some irking relationships -- it all started maybe 10-15 years ago where international serials like santa barbara , bold and the beautiful etc., where FIL has an affair with DIL, MIL has with SIL, sometimes even disgusting things like own brother and sister having relationships! Instead of shunning such serials, we have been encouraging it allalong(those serials ran for 8-10 years!!!). Sensorship is happening for movies like "Da Vinci Code", what about movies like Uyir, Asai, Vaali etc? Arent they much worse ?

All i can say is "God bless our country(moreso the world)"-- chitvish's religious column is certainly influencing me!, and thanks to our Varalotti who is always the first to raise social issues and concerns!
We need more men like you in our society who can consider equality for both men and women...they say "pen is mightier than the sword, so i hope your words do have a global influence !"


Thank you once again for the post!
Purnima
(ps- i like this line-I think by this the society is telling women, "Men can be bad; no problem. But you women can't be bad. Then our culture will be destroyed."Absolutely ridiculous... )

Dear Varalotti,

Of course, we live in a hypocratic and biased society, where a woman is the torch bearer of all values, while a man can go merry, breaking all moral barriers. He can even infect his wife and children with AIDS and still expect sympathy from his family and society, as an ailing patient! This is the limit. It is high time, women stop believing in one-sided sermons. If a man has to be bad, he needs a woman to partner! Being good or bad depends on each one's personal mentality, irrespective of the sex and the repurcussions are uniform to both sexes. If the father goes astray, the lives of the kids are shattered and so also when a mother goes astray. Parents are equally hurt and shamed when their son or daughter follows the wrong path. Thus, let us stop justifying the man's wrongs and showing women as 'Sati Savithris'. When we can be Indira Gandhis and Mother Teresas we can also be the female Sobhrajs or any other criminal. After all, all human minds are made up of both good and bad genes and which we let overtake, lies in our own hands. Nobody need sermonise or supervise us. Culture is meant for human beings ane not just 'women'!

Sudha Narasimhachar

My dear Sridhar,
You started a very lively, controversial discussion on " Uyir", perhaps with the participation of the younger generation in mind ? But, how can I not " poke my nose" when the subject is a " hot" one ?
Here I go !

Dear all,
I am never a prude or a hypocrite. As I grow old, I have more confidence & an urge to express myself freely, without bothering what any body will think of me. Please rest assured that I am not a revolutionary in my thinking. But I have to warn you that brevity is not my forte.

I did not see “ Vali” & “Uyir”, but saw “ asai” years back. I loved the Calcutta rosogolla Suvalakshmi, but hated the act of Prakshraj lusting for his sister-in-law.

Though I come from Madurai, the land of Kannaki, I can never approve the act of kannaki taking back Kovalan, who had erred to her.

Urges, fantasies, feelings are common for both man & woman. How they express themselves varies with culture, upbringing, values, priorities and the harsh realities one has undergone in life.
We have the right to preach chastity provided we have equal standards for both women and men. I am very clear on that point.

All the surveys point out that more than 90% of the men lose their virginity before marriage. The mere fact that the women don't expect their husbands to be virgins itself shows some kind of chauvinistic attitude that the men have been succesful in driving into women's minds. What actress Khushboo said last year created a big hue and cry ! . She said that these days educated men don't look for virginity in their wives as they used to do in the past. She also said that premarital sex is a private act and so long as the girl takes enough precaution against pregnancy and disease it's okay. The uproar was because ( I think ) men realized that women had started thinking practically !
Marriage is not the ultimate; but the stain of sleeping with someone other than your spouse is something one just can't get over - call it the human stain or better ” manathil oru karai” in tamil. You can’t run away from yourself obviously .
This definitely holds good for a man as much for a woman.

Immorality for both the sexes cannot be justified in any case. No one has a right to be immoral per se. The drawing of the line is very important. But I think that we should draw the line ourselves instead of some one drawing the line for us. We are always tempted to cross the line drawn by someone else - like Sita crossing the Lakhsman Reka. But when we draw the line ourselves we would have a moral conviction as well.


Sex, on the stealth is said to be very addictive and habit forming. Let us assume, a man or a woman crosses the line once or twice and then is clean throughout their lives. Nobody would ever know. But I would say using such an opportunity is a great risk. If your experience was detestful and not enjoyable, it is OK. But suppose you had found the forbidden fruit sweet, the repercussions would be pathetic. The families and children would be destroyed. Even if the person buries everything under the carpet, a woman being emotionally more sensitive than a man ( in general) , will never be able to forgive herself.

But last but not least let me share with you the forbidden subject about a man or a woman’s fantasies , which we stylishly call “flame” or “ crush” ! Now with our exposure to internet & more literature by psychiatrists being available, I read, it is absolutely harmless , so long as one does'nt mention names with the spouse around. Then it is bound to create disharmony. In fact I read an article by a psychiatrist that it is normal & in fact he went to the extent of saying that it is a healthy practice ! He says it is emotional fulfillment of the cravings one has in mind & so there is nothing wrong ! Thereafter the cravings are " emotionally done with".
But will our society accept that what is good for the goose, is good for the gander as well ? This whole thing of fantasy is a very sensitive issue. Let us frankly accept the saying in tamil “ manathaal kalavu pokatha aano penno irukkavae mudiyathu” ! Yet it is still not an open subject for discussion by anybody ! That is only to be expected !!
Let me close saying that either a man or a woman, a person cannot be wayward & happy at the same time !

Love & regards,
Chithra.

I am surprised that this movie had created so much controversy. I watched the movie and I do not think it justified the woman's attitude towards her brother-in-law in anyway. It was just a superb narration of something unusual. I remember a saying about books ' There are no good books or bad books. There are only books that are well written or badly written'. THis goes for movies too.

Dear member,

I have'nt seen the movie in discussion . After reading all the views and comments i too was made to think and post my view.

Today's nari [lady] though liberated in many ways , has still not been able to give herself a fool proof protection in the society. This is more relevant to the single women facing the onslaught of the society. I bet all those , who talk of a lady's right to individual choice for things, have a cocooned life style[ more fortunate ones]. The same genre will bring the almighty himself down if an extra marital affair of their husbands has been exposed.

So here the relevance of the ancient values do step in. The choice of our right and option with in a specified perimeter, will give US more security and stability. the moral of the story is , Women enjoy more freedom within a legal social structure with all their irregularities than being fed to depressing situations of having been used otherwise.

This is nature's law of justice. It is time we recognize this and forge ahead with our constraints.

With regards ,

vidya murali

Dear Varlotti,
I have been following this thread with growing interest.I agree with Chithra that chastity applies for both men and women. Some friends here have opined that a woman has equal freedom to express herslf as men.What will happen to society if both men and women start expressing their passions freely? We will be no better than animals!I think relationships are defined to set norms for society. Without social norms there is no culture.I have nothing against the movie but what is messaged to society through the big screens should have good valuefor the existence of the wonderful unit called family. I have been asking opinions about this movie to many youngsters and all boys agreed it is a Kevalamaana movie.The girls on the otherhand stopped with saying it is a bold attempt. So the ypoungsters think that women should bechaste !
Meenu

HI Ladies & Hello Sridhar,

Agreed, man & woman have same feelings as they are both human & everything that applies to a man also applies to woman. But they can never be equal. The very nature of these two are different in terms of physical, mental & psychological abilities. Again, Women always had lower status than men, in all societies (with the extent of gap varying across cultures).

Any wrong doing by men has very less or nil consequences compared to the huge loss & pain (physically & mentally) & series of consequences faced by women. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why men are so callous about everything.

Maybe such callousness in Men is forcing Women to look beyond – look beyond Men & Marriage & family & there’s a silent revolution that’s taking place in the society – on one side female foetuses are being finished off even before they are fully grown & at the other extreme, women are boycotting marriage & associated responsibilities (fed up of the harassment & abuse in the hands of men & slavery associated with marriage) – both are bad for any society.

When so much is happening around, I can’t give importance to a movie based on relationships between a lady & her BIL. Its just another movie & it will loose all the charm soon – I’m sure nobody looks at movies for ideas or guide so acc to me it would be just another movie. Can’t fight for rights here, as the basis for the fight (equal) is wrong. Just because we had films of a man eying for his SIL doesn’t mean we need to have movies vice-versa.

Like Men, Women can’t afford to be myopic in their views, needs. Whatever higher status a man holds, its the woman who forms the backbone of any society just llike the beauty of a house lies in the hands of a woman.

I would rather go by the saying,
"The quietness of strength is a powerful thing
That may help you forgive though they're wrong
And although I know it's the hardest thing
Stooping to their level will not make you strong".

I'm not very good at writing & I'm sorry if its a bit confusing.


Regards,