Do you spank kids? Then don't!

I am pretty sure someone is going to counter that with a 'Spanking greatly helps kids' , Spiderman

 

Thanks Spiderman for posting this.

I've watched episodes of Super Nanny where she tackles the WORST behaved kids I have ever seen. But, she never raises her voice or spanks the kids. She uses time outs. And then she teaches the parents how to discipline kids in a calm and mature manner using the time out technique. And by the end of the show, the kids behavior has improved so much! It's really amazing! It shows that you don't need to spank your kids to get them to behave.

 

I saw this article too, spiderman. Even I thought thae same thing - parents should help kids overcome their hurdles in a positive way and not by spanking or unreasonably shouting at them.This may lead to a negative impact, if is on a continuos basis. Time out is a good option again, like ASG has written. Different things may work for different kids, but it is is best to atleast avoid spanking. JMO

 

Good Article.. I don't espouse spanking.. But I seriously agree with one part of the article: Nothing like a spanking to stop the tantrum there and then..
Article talks about 'time outs' and like Malavika said, I have read books based on Montessori method of child education which says time outs are a complete No No..
Shows like Super Nanny are shot in a very controlled environment and kids throw 1000 different situations at you in a day. And, justifiably, every situation can not be controlled by 'time outs'. Actually.. too many time outs reduce the importance of time out itself..
Again, not saying spanking is the only way. But too much of anything goes wrong as far as kids are concerned .. JMO

 

Excellent, fantastic and all that... Now how many of you here have children?
I know it is the done thing to give parents advice. But don't talk yet if you have not walked a mile of parenting or so. Especially a newly mobile child. Even the best amongst us do end up losing our patience, happens to even those amongst us who dont want to "spank" their children.
For the record, I have taken a swipe at DS a couple of times and do not believe in corporal punishment including timing out. I do have a 3-year-old who is often termed "well behaved". I would be the last person to judge a parent who is on her last nerve after a long day if she were to take a swipe at her kids. Practice before you preach. I know I count to 10 and think a second time before I judge a parent now that I AM one!

 

Tikka, You have spoken out my mind.I had the same thoughts.

I never spanked my kid till 2.When the nasty 2 started ,OMG!She was driving me crazy.Shows and talks are scripts written to have a particular ending.But reality is different.

When I get wild and shout at my kid saying "Adi Vannguve"(meaning - I will beat),she will beat me and run away and she becomes unmanageable too.If I tell her the same in a very sweet way , she will listen and do it per my satisfaction.

But it is not always.There are times she misses "N" number of time-outs ,runs away from naughty corner etc..etc...It will drive me crazy.:spin:spin.There are times when she wants to cross the road herself and will not listen to us saying she is a big girl she wants to be independent(she is 4).She will create one big drama when I hold her hand.The instant solution is to give one(mild) beat on her back.There stops her drama.

 

For those of you who think reality TV is reality... Here is an essay by one of world's leading authors on parenting, education and human behaviour Alfie Kohn. Amongst the Natural Parenting and Gentle Disciplining circles, Kohn is known for his books "unconditional parenting" "punished by rewards" and "beyond discipline". Do take a look at those books for a better idea of how to raise children to get their cooperation.
Bhuv... if you can get those books I think they are worth a read. Also "screamfree parenting". I am free to admit here that gentle parenting does not come naturally to me and I have to learn and relearn those rules everyday. I am breaking a cycle of violence and abuse. It is very difficult for me to unlearn what I am socialised into believing is normal and learning how to respond appropriately to a child who is getting the ropes of socialisation from me (parents, i.e.) and learning appropriate boundaries. HTH

 

I do not want to get into the topic of have you been in the shoes of a parent, or have you been spanked so much that you vouch about being aggressive, that would make me disturbing a hornets nest.

i do not advocate spanking.

But, as a parent of a tween and a teenager, I can say, it is not easy to control your incompetency to control your child in a situation where your child knows he can throw a tantrum and cannot be said anything. No two children are same, even in the same family. A time out may work for one child while a gift concept may work for the other, and even grounding.

We can always give counter- example for any theory. time-outs may become a cause of private joke for the child. the gift becomes a case of bribing. Oh, I know, when i used to tell my son he was grounded when he was 4, it was ok. by ten, he would come to me and say ok, mom, I know i am going to be grounded...

we cannot take the results of controlled studies and tell that all kids become aggressive. some children are emotionally scarred that they go into their shells and no amount of therapy or coaxing is going to set things right.

There is a fine line between a spank and a beat. a spank is something that i think as a thump on the rump or the back. while a beat can be anywhere from slapping continously to taking a belt to the kid, which is abuse in my opinion.

We cannot take a study of AAP alone. I for one believe that there should be a random and spread out samples taken for a study.

Regarding reality shows, i don't want to discuss, controlled (even drugged kids) environments.

Parenting needs a lot of patience, understanding and most of us here do understand that we cannot expect our child to try to reach us, but we can easily bend down a little helping them reach us in turn building their confidence, temperaments, adjusting to environment.


Parenting is a art. and there are no two same paintings, even from the same parent.

 

Thanks for sharing the information ,Tikka!

Yes, I read somewhere that "Being a mom is the toughest job in this world".