child sexual abusement

hi,

i think what i am posting each and every parents must be aware of this.

What is child sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse happens when an adult or older child uses a younger child for sexual stimulation. The stimulation may take the form of sexual fondling, handling of the genitals, attempted penetration, oral sex, or intercourse. A father watching his teenage daughter undress and shower is an example of hands-off sexual abuse.
Eighty-five percent of sexual assaults on children are committed by someone the child knows and usually trusts - an immediate family member, a relative, a neighbor, or a friend of the family. Most offenders are male. They come from all age, income, and educational groups. Their approach is usually not violent, although it often involves a threat or a bribe. The child might hear, "I won't like you anymore," or "I'll give you ..." The abuser relies on the child's ignorance, helplessness, and a lack of a clear understanding that she is being hurt.
Too many sexually victimized children, especially boys, never tell. Afraid that someone will blame them, they keep the abuse a secret. They fear rejection and punishment, or they think nobody will believe them. A relationship of trust or intimidation with the abuser also may silence the child.
At first, child sexual abuse may be marginally inappropriate, such as tickling or hugging to excess. During this initial contact, children can learn to ask someone for help, but first they must know that what is happening is wrong.


What you can do

Recognize your child's right to say no to physical attention.
Respect that right, be alert to the child's discomfort and intervene when necessary. Even very small children should not have to endure hugging, tossing, and patting they do not like. If they learn to ignore their feelings because expressing them makes no difference, children lose a valuable tool for protecting themselves.

Notice when others harass or take advantage of your child. Whether this is coming from adults or other children, your child needs to know how to respond appropriately.

Take what your child says seriously. Be available. Help your child figure out what to do in uncomfortable situations.

Express disapproval of inappropriate behavior in others. Do not justify the behavior of teachers, ministers, or grandparents, for example, just because of who they are. When you do, the child will not only distrust them, but also may distrust you.

Refuse to leave children with people you do not trust. Pay attention to warning signs, including your own intuitive hunches about what is a secure, safe environment. Abusers frequently are nice people from nice families.



Child Power

We can teach children to protect themselves from sexual abuse by explaining the dangers in a matter-of-fact way. Instill in them a sense of their own power to say "No!" or to leave or call for help when faced with a threatening person or situation.

Never insist that a reluctant child kiss a relative or friend of the family. This teaches the child that adults expect him to submit to unwanted familiarity. The youngster who learns early to be selective about friendships, touching, and other expressions of affection is prepared to fend off unwanted attentions and invitations. Encourage children to value privacy and personal space. They also should know they can talk to you freely about their thoughts and feelings.

Don't stifle the child's ability to give and receive affection. And don't instill an inappropriate mistrust of adults. The younger the child, the more attention you must pay to this. Teach children to trust their feelings and to let affection come naturally.
What every child should know

There is a difference between good, bad, and confusing touch. Know how to tell the difference. Parents should know that pre-school children don't always understand the concepts of good touch or bad touch. Studies show that young children can understand feelings connected with extreme experiences such as being hit "bad" versus being hugged "good." Young children are often confused by situations that fall between the two extremes. Most sexual abuse involves gentle fondling and is accompanied by gentle and caring words. Very young children may have difficulty perceiving this as "bad" touch.

It is all right to say no. Trust your feelings of discomfort, no matter who the person is. Say no to unwanted hugs, pats on your buttocks, and touching that confuses or bothers you. Alternatives include running away, removing the person's hand, and yelling "stop."

There are no secrets. It is wrong for someone to ask you not to tell your parents. It is wrong to trap you into breaking a rule and then threaten to tell if you don't cooperate. It is not right for someone to give you a gift and then expect something from you.

You should refuse a request if it: feels weird; will separate you from other children; goes against family rules; involves a secret; or seems like an unearned special favor.
What if. . .?

If your child has already been assaulted, be glad that you know about it. Many children grow to adulthood harboring their secret with no one to comfort or protect them. Many have suffered years of sexual assault with no one to stop it. You still have time to help your child heal and learn protective skills for the future. Take the following steps:

1. Believe what you have heard.
2. Comfort the child. Explain that it was not his fault. The abuser is at fault and needs help.
3. Let the child know you are sorry it happened. Reassure her that you aren't angry at her and that she hasn't been bad.
4. Tell her you will make sure it doesn't happen again. Children need to feel protected.
5. Get counseling for the child, and maybe for the family.


The cycle of abuse can be broken

We cannot protect our children by sheltering them from the truth. We must teach them about the potential for sexual abuse, and prepare them to react assertively to inappropriate touch and other signs of danger. As a society, we must refuse to tolerate the crime of child sexual abuse. In addition, education and counseling are needed to promote healing for both victims and abusers. The subtle, silent trauma of child sexual abuse can be prevented.

bye

thanks Padma for the informative article!

Sriniketan

Dear Padma,

I'm very glad that there is finally an article that really matters, something where in most Indian parents lack but can surely do something to protect their own kids. It's been a week since I joined and was literally hunting for articles that can help bring significant awareness in Indian society. I was going to write on such topics and I'm delighted to see your article.

Such bitter moments of childhood remain forever. Most parents have no clue about it and the child just goes through it. Infact these abusers always get away with their disgusting behaviour. I only pray for their kids. Is there any law in India that protects children and teens? Parents can get to protect their kids to an extent but what about kids whose parent itself is a abuser? It's sad but these are the outcomes of immorality growing around us.

I have asked this question to all my close friend and to be honest most of them have gone through this. Even worse, most kids are ignorant of the abuse until they grew old enough to understand it. It's very true that all of these cheapos are people who as a kid and parent we all trust.

I guess everyone who reads this will open up their senses to the needs of the kids in their families. It indeed would be better to impart awareness, starting with indirect stories with subtle touch on these kind of happenings as kids like any human are sensitive.

Every child deserves to enjoy it's childhood , so I guess every adult needs to keep a watch around the kids and be alert. If you catch such abuser, please don't hesitate to make them realise the shame in their act.

Help protect these blossoms from being crushed.

hi Lalita,
thanks for reading this delicate topic. i feel this is must for every parents, our kids they get abused in known places and by the known people. but sad part still there is no law against such crimes.

Child sexual abuse
In India there is no separate law on child sexual abuse (CSA). The only legal recourse for the offence of CSA are Sections 375 (rape), 354 (outraging of modesty) and 377 (unnatural offences), which fail to arrest the unique nature of the sexual abuse of children. As the above provisions only consider peno-vaginal penetration to be rape, they provide for an extremely inadequate and moralistic understanding of other forms of abuse faced by girls who are not ‘raped’.
There is also no protection for boy-children who face sexual abuse not amounting to penetration, and this provides an opportunity for the government to pit child rights groups against sexual rights groups, in the name of upholding an archaic, oppressive and discriminatory law like Section 377.

The recent Supreme Court (SC) judgment in response to a public interest litigation (PIL) seeking a wider definition of rape and sexual abuse, has brought some relief but also disappointment to groups working on the issue. Sakshi, a women's resource centre working with victims of sexual abuse, filed the PIL in 1997 after the Delhi High Court declared that the case of an eight-year-old child, penetrated in three orifices by her father, could not be considered either rape or an ‘unnatural offence'. The PIL questioned the legal procedures during a trial and urged the apex court to alter the definition of sexual intercourse [with reference to section 375 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC)]. During hearings of sexual abuse and rape cases, insensitive questions like 'Were you ashamed to take off your clothes in front of your grandfather?' and 'Did you like what your uncle did to you?' deter victims of abuse from pursuing their cases. Many don't file a complaint against their perpetrators out of fear that they would have to relive the trauma in court. The May 26 (2004) judgment sought to reduce the trauma of the victim (of rape or sexual abuse) when it directed that the latter cannot be forced to answer insensitive and crude questions during court trials. From now on, defence lawyers will have to give their questions in writing to the presiding officer, who will, if necessary, temper the language to ensure the questions do not cause embarrassment or humiliation. The SC admits that the objective of the questions (asked by defence lawyers) is that "out of a feeling of shame or embarrassment, the victim may not speak out or give details of certain acts committed by the accused". The SC also accepted that the mere sight of the perpetrator induces fear in the mind of the victim, who is then unable to relate the details of the incident.

The question of child abuse, which is often quoted as a justification for retaining Section 377, is a complex one. Alok Gupta’s research found that Section 377 has largely been used in prosecuting cases where anal and/or oral intercourse with children was involved. There are no Indian laws that specifically criminalise child sex abuse. A total of 30 cases (more than 60%) deal with child sex abuse.
Section 377 has been somewhat successful in penalising child sexual abuse and complementing the lacunas of the rape law, which is woefully lacking in both scope of definition and implementation. But this does not negate the clear threat the law presents to the sexual minorities of India, manifesting itself in harassment, extortion and blackmail by the police, with no legal protection. The reform of Section 377 requires a collective campaign demanding reform of all the sexual assault laws of the IPC. Child sex abuse should be included as an independent category of sexual offence. There is a dire need to evolve more effective legal formulations as well as procedures to ensure that sexually abused children are offered the protection of the law, and perpetrators can be brought swiftly to book

bye

nice post padma

Hi padma,
Good post, Even I tell my children to tell me day to day things happening when they are outside without us(parents). I always tell my children Iam like your friend u should be free to discuss with me.
Thanks
latha

hi Latha,

i intentionally posted this, when i was teaching i saw one class 1 girl doing unusual thing with herself that was my friends class i asked that little girl what r u doing and why. after a long time i got response which was shocking can't be mentioned, her father is driver in gulf and mom uneducated housewife depend on brother in law for everything and she was unaware of what happening with her daughter , it happens we trust relatives no bother at all. while going through parenting and kids i thought this must come to light and all should be aware we can't say when and where child faces such things and keep in heart carrying it as a guilt for whole life. Every child must enjoy childhood so parents have to be careful now.

bye
padma

Hi Padma.

Good work.congrats.

First when I started reading that I thought it wont be useful for us.But thats the mistake most parents do at first. Clearly it will cross every young person's life.

There were many nice points in your article.We should implement it in our life saying our child to say No and escape from any thing which invloves not-to-be-said-to-parents. We should prove friendly to our kids and react appropriately so that they will get hold on us to share anything.Saying is easy.Doing is hard. We should try our best and do it somehow.

Thanks for the eye opening post
karthika.

Good Post Padma

Madhu

Hi Padma

A very good post indeed. Mostly neighbours and close friends or relatives are the culprits of child abuse... I surely agree, that parents should be completly aware of their child's whereabouts and any change in behavior.

Here in US, everyone is quite aware of these things... however in India there is complete lack of education on this subject... On the airport or any security chek point.. the officials always ask the guardian or parents permission if they can chek their child... so that there is no misconduct.

However in India, there is so much of abuse in buses or simply walking on streets (specially in north india), so how much of abuse is a child suppose to report to a parent, when there is constant eve teasing goin on at every place. South india is still very very good in this regard, i really appreciate that. there is a stark contrast in behaviors of people in south and north...

I think i have taken the topic into a different aspect, but i thot this was worth mentioning.

~Abha