To have a second child or not...

hi
as a mother of two . i would say.... go for another baby.

bye

Interesting discussions around the pros and cons of having one or two children. Being a mother of 2 boys ages 28 and 24, I go back to 26 years ago when we were in the same situation. At that time I was happy with one child, since my career was important and I did not want a second baby.

Our second child was a mistake and I am so thankful today for that mistake. Let me explain why.

Both my husband and I are very serious, career minded individuals. I just retired recently from the corporate world. Working as an HR executive for several fortune 500 companies has definitely taken a lot from me. My oldest son is very much like us, but my 2nd second son is completely different. Since, he has become part of our family, our lives have changed for the better. He is fun loving, the apple of everyone's eyes and the life of a party. He definitely brings a new perspective in our home and brings balance to our family. Looking back, if we did not have him, I can see a very different path for our family.

Sometimes you have got to let things happen. What's meant to be should be.

Hi,

I accept all the points.

I have a brother. He is the one where I use to share, play, help, teach, fear......eternity through out my life.

Kids with siblings will sure have some special qualities than the lonely ones. I always say that they will grow with good interactions, motivations and in each and every stage shall realise love, care and affection.

I have a kid of 4 years old and before days I don't have idea of another kid. But now insisting my hubby to have another kid where now my kid is realising his lacking of good company to share and play with.

Any way financial problems are common to all and according to my opinion financial problem is solvable, but lacking of love is ....................nothing to say, everyone knows!!!!!!!

Have another baby and make your kid to enjoy!!!!!!

Lavanya.

Dear everyone,
Thank you for your kind words. I am not a very strong person, and I was tending to go with what the society is doing, because I know it has been tested and worked well for generations.
All your replies literally re-inforced that thought.

Thinking about my own family, I realize that I have suffered a lot that my brother is not participating in the family any more, I should still be so thankful to him for giving me a wonderful childhoood.
Like some of you said, we loved each other so much while growing up and I am so thankful for that.

Vidya- your words about how your parents felt are echoing in my mind over and over.. I realize it is already happening to me. I tend to blame myself for every behaviour of my son. He is generally queit and takes a while to make friends or to get adjusted in a new group. In the back of my mind, I was breeding the thought that it is all my fault.

If my son grows up and blames me for not giving him a sibling, I would not have an answer to give him. While I was busy providing everything in his life, what a pity it would be if he told me at a point too late that all he needed was a sibling.

Next daunting task is to convince hubby. I am going to show him this thread and sincerely hope it opens his eyes.
Being an only child himself, he has no clue what it is like to have a sibling.

Thankyou everyone for your participation. I am in senti mode today and unable to concentrate at work even, reading all your heartfelt thoughts on this topic.

Thanks for being there for support.
Love,
Mythili

Dear Mythili,

Take it easy and give it some time and thought.

Many years ago, I too went through the same dilemma, to have or not to have another kid. My husband was still struggling to get a foothold in his profession, we were living abroad and no family to help. I was very happy with my daughter and thought I would giver her everything and make her a sound human being and more kids would not suit our mode of living etc etc etc. As time passed by, I realized my daughter found other homes much more interesting than her own as there were more kids there. Also, when we did have a family get together, she saw how her cousins stuck to each other and she always felt a bit left out.
Then, it hit me. As we were living abroad, she was not going to have any binding relationship with her cousins as they will only meet occassionally. A sibling may mean companion for her in the long run. She can relate to her own sibling as they would have shared the same life experiences, a loving bond being one important aspect of it. There is nearly 8 yrs age gap between both my girls. But today, they are friends and support for each other.
True, siblings may not turn out to be friends. Nothing in life is guaranteed. So give it a thought and be happy with whatever decision you come to.

L, Kamla

Hi..
Thanks to Mythili for starting this thread. I'm in same dilemma. everybody's replied have been so helpful.
Sandhya

My vote is to go for the second child.
I am the only daughter with no brothers and sisters. During the early days of childhood I didn't have any idea about having a sibling. But after the marriage I came over to US. I didn't have anybody to talk to, freely. I am not a talkative person. But at that time i felt the need for a sibling to whom i can talk to, get suggestions or get advice, etc. But decades later, my cousins came over to US, which lifted my loneliness. We used to talk daily and I am happy to get the moral support from them.
One of my cousins husband is not for the second child eventhough my cousin is eager to have one. He vehemently refused. She even told me that nowadays she is not bothering him and she has made up her mind to think that she can enjoy life with bunch of her grandchildren through her daughter.
Maybe I should ask her to read this article and also make her husband read it so that he will get some ideas. We usually listen to other people's advice eventhough we get the same from our family members. If the advice is good it should be accepted. What do you say?
Why we should deny our grand- children their-- periyappas, periammas,Chitthappas, Chiththi's, Atthais and Mamas( Older brother, older sister, younger brother and younger sister to your child?)
Other ladies have pointed out good suggestions. Consider and take action.
Best wishes
Sriniketan

Hi!

I went thru all the posts over here on this thread a few days back and was thinking on the various points raised here. Yes all are right and true. I too went thru the same dilemna after my daughter was two years old, and just not relatives but people around u also started pestering and questioning now when the next?
I went thru all this reasonings pros and cons, pay package, brotherly sisterly love, need when we are not around etc etc. and finally after six years went for the second one. My daughter rightly used to come crying saying everyone has a younger one only i do not have, i want , I shall pray to god, I shall do everything for him/her etc etc.
Well, after that I went for a operation and u know what my sex life has improved tremendously. I am enjoying sex without any tension. I have no fear now that whether i shall conceive?? I know contraceptive measures are available but I was fearsome of using them initially and never went for it.
But anyway now since i have had operated i am rest assured.
So do not be late go for the secon one in time and enjoy.
Pay package sharing, whether they shall really take care or help in need is future hope for the best and enjoy another product development of yours and remember the first ones development and ur childhood also.
Too long sorry!!!!

Hello,
Even I was thinking of only one child, but soon I realized that my son needs his own blood related sibling.
Initially it might be problem of raising two kids, but soon they will grow together, have lots of fun, fighting, sharing etc.

Good luck,
Punitha

Hey Mithili,
I was going through the parenting and kids posts to search if anyone had already discussed this issue. I am soo glad you brought it up. I realise this is an older thread but still I am at crossroads(have a second child or not) myself and I wonder too. I wish more single children had written in and given their thoughts on this topic too. Really appreciate Vidya's input. Any other single issue IL members out there? please reply. Because really the financial and quality of life concerns are very valid. I also read (in this thread) that the older child complained of not having a sibling. I wonder does the older child get this sense on their own or are they echoing concerns or worries of the parents.

Lastly, the men. I cannot tell you how many examples I know of the men saying no to a 2nd child? Why is that? I mean we cannot completely ignore their opinion. Afterall we depend on their vision and trust their vision of our future lives together then why do we not give much validity of them voicing an opinion of having only one child? Calling all single children and also men please provide further insight. Thanks in advance for reading and replying.
~ Naazneen