 Re: Issues between kids -- should parents interfere ?
Hi pman,
A very good point!
In my opinion, it depends on what the situation is.
When my daughter was a little more than 2 & a half, there was a particualr boy in our building who would always push her, for no reason at all.... even though she wasn't playing/talking with him. I never stopped either of them. {She never complained about it. But yes, she did begin hating boys!!!} She took the push three times.... & on the fourth day, she resisted & pushed him back. I didn't tell her to do it... She did it on her own! I was happy that she learnt on her own as to what to do in that situation! (The rebel gene from me...)
In this age, I feel kids have to be a little rough... we must guide them well to learn the difference in what is right & what is wrong.... The good & the bad...
1. Should we let the parents know about their kids bullying or should we teach our kids to give the same-dose treatment?
If your child is bullyed, you should keep a note of all the things that are being done to your child - verbal abuse you may ignore, but you can never ignore physical abuse. But either of these can lead to mental disturbances in the child & the full family as well.
Sometimes kids are able to fight their own battle & bullying incidents don't go past 3, but if it gets over board, parents have to protect their children. I think at that time it's a good thing to inform the parents of the bullier.
About tit for tat... sometimes it does work!!! But we must never encourage it. I usually tell my daughter, and even the kids that play her, that if anyone pushes them or beats them, try to boss them around in the group... just say very firmly -I won't play with you if you do that again! If they still continue, then leave them alone & go home. IT WORKS!!! (These kids are mostly below 7yrs & are girls) But as they grow older, I'll have to learn other ways of putting those same words.
2. To what extent should we interfere or not interfere?
I don't know how to put it.... but let me try to put myself in that place & write....
If my kid was bullied, I would ask the parents permission to speak to that kid. Usually, there is a hidden reason for these kids of behaviour & kids are unable to approach their parents about it. In case they don't approve, I'll tell them the problem.
I feel parents must never get involved if things go over board - if their kid is beaten up, or begins showing behavioural changes, or seems mentally disturbed, etc.
If kids show sudden disinterest in going to school, there is some kind of hidden "bullying" meaning. It's better to ask the teachers, supervisior & even some classmates for the reason!
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