What place does religion have for you in raising your LO?

Hello, Krithika

Firstly, I must say that I've enjoyed reading your posts here on IL. In addition to the enjoyment I get from the clear and well-articulated way in which you wield the language, I am equally pleased by the content of your posts. You seem to have an enthusiasm and open-mindedness in the way you approach life that is quite inspiring.

I don't have children, but my father and mother had rather unorthodox views on religion. So, I am the product of the kind of upbringing that your son probably will have, with his quasi-Buddhist mother and non-believer father! I'm not sure if my input will help or not, but this is what my parents did.

My mother's family members are all practising Hindus, but lucky for us, they were very accepting of all belief systems (and even a lack of belief). My father's family is made up of non-believers and some Christians. My father made it quite clear from the time I can remember that he and my mother would not impose any religion on us. Rather, he encouraged us to respect all religions, and to learn as much as we wanted to about any religion if we so desired. He also made it clear that should we decide we wanted to follow a particular religious path one day, we would be free to do so.

Because of this free rein that I was given, I grew to respect the institution of religion and was always curious to learn about the specifics of each religion. I've attended Midnight Mass with a Catholic friend, gone to a synagogue with Jewish people I knew in Cleveland, visited temples and gurdwaras when I was in India, and I sit in churches as often as I can because I love the architecture and sense of peace.

The important thing my father and mother did for me, though, was ensuring I had a moral code that was independent of religion. This means I know the difference between right and wrong, but I don't get my guidance on the matter from religious sources. So, even though we received no religious instruction from our parents, we did come to understand the importance of virtues such as charity, honesty, and acceptance.

In fact, not feeling like any particular religion was my own has made me tolerant and very accepting of other people, even if they are different to me. My siblings and I always knew we were free to bring home anyone, as friend or potential partner, without fear that they would be deemed unsuitable. This has enabled me not to view the world as "us" and "them", but instead to see all people for what they are - human beings.

Now, in my adult life, it is Buddhism that is most appealing to me in terms of a practical religious teaching that I can incorporate into my life. However, I have not actively pursued this path very far. Perhaps I will, one day. And, for the record, my siblings and I are - for the most part - fairly well-adjusted adults with no deviant behaviour to show due to our lack of religious upbringing!

I think what I'm getting at here is that if you do choose to bring your son up with religious freedom, it may not be the worst thing in the world. He may not necessarily have to recite slokas, for example, to derive all that is good from religion, and if he decides to one day follow a particular religious path, it will never be too late for him to learn and research on his own. I believe it will be possible for your son to reconcile your religious beliefs with your husband's lack of religious beliefs, and create out of that a belief system that suits him.

I hope this has helped in some measure, and not confused you more!

Ansuya

 

Krithika,

that is a nice answer by Anasuya and I am sure it has answered almost all your questions. However, here are my two cents - While I was brought up in a household which didnot enforce religion as much as it enforced values, I still enjoyed the cultural aspects of religion. I definetly try hard to provide similar system in my household. The one and only reason, I would introduce religion (which is essentially a belief system) and it can be any religion is : I want my child to have a support system to fall back on - what I mean by this is sometimes there are certain times in our lives which cannot be spoken with anybody else - knowing that there is an all pervading God and that he can sit and contemplate be it a church or a temple, and that will certainly if not provide all answers, will guide will be a benefit I think. For this and this reason alone, I would introduce the basics of religion.

As far as repeating Shlokas, this is what I have learnt - during trying times, just repeating them even without knowing the meaning has helped my mind to rest for a few minutes from the problems and this will eventually make a difference.

 

Hi Krithika,

To share my perspective, even though I belong to a fairly orthodox community, my father is very liberal in his views. My mother followed all the customs and traditions. However, my father was very particular in separating customs and traditions which have true meaning and significance from blind superstition. Also, he was extremely influential in instilling in me a love of language, literature and culture. And in India, these are all closely intertwined with religion. As a result, at a very young age, I developed a lot of interest in learning slokas and mantras. I remember when I would sit in our puja room or our library and pore over the tattered sloka books and look up meanings. Then came my adolescent years when hostel life and studies took priority and it was a cosmopolitan way of life.

After marriage and having a family of my own, (and maybe being abroad has also something to do that) I find a lot of solace and peace in following those customs, traditions and slokas. I find it gives me a sense of identity and support. Even though my parents never enforced anything on me, I imbibed it all growing up in the middle of everything. I would like to raise my children in the same environment.

I would say, create your own blend of tradition/legacy for your DS - you can pick meaningful traditions and customs common in the religions that you like and follow them. Your son will soak it all up and it will be a beautiful legacy for him to grow up with. And it will remain with him his entire life.

 

Tikka
This is a great thread you have started. I have had the pleasure to nominate this for the Finest Post of October.
The replies are equally wonderful. And every single post looks like the gem it is.
I feel one has to just find what works best for them and their family. I feel these days its more about showing our child what culture and values exist in our heritage and our religion.
I have found a balance in my own way and I feel its a blessing to know one can lean back to derive strength from prayers in times of need.

 

This is a very intersting thread krithika - thanks for starting it as these are questions that I too am grappling with as I raise my son. I come from a non-believing family (atleast my parents are non-believers) and am one myself and my DH though a believer is much like you - he believes in a personal God and has no faith in organized religion. As adults this was all fine as we simply respect each others beliefs (or lack of them) and there were no questions. Now however we have to deal with this issue and I lean towards bringing my son up the way I myself was brought up - with an intact value system that is completely separate from religious belief. DH mostly agrees with me. My ILs are pretty religious people and my son has learnt to "pray" from his grandfather - he loves it - the light, the flowers, the vibuthi, the bells - the works. I'm amused for the time being but eventually we will be talking about beliefs and religion when he's older and hopefully he will choose his own path when he's an adult. I dont plan on teaching him slokas (for a non-believer its amazing how many I know ) or any specific religious text for a long time, but in our country religion and culture are so inter-twined that its going to be impossible to teach him culture/tradition without some religion getting mixed up into it somewhere. Finding a balance - thats a difficult job.....
I loved reading all the replies on this thread and AC good choice for an FP nomination - its a necessary topic to think about in the times in which we live when so much is done in the name of religion.

Vanathi.

 

This is an interesting ongoing talk I have with my neighbors - I have always honestly believed that Hinduism is a way of life - any religion is for that matter. Most of my neighbors are in awe that we practise religion without being confined to church days/mosque days etc and just choose to live, believe, celebrate and have fun. Now it is almost a custom in my neighborhood to give Diwali cards and sweets to all of them as part of our celebration like how they do for christmas.....Since we also keep a christmas tree and speak whole heartedly about being open about all religions, it is more fun and reciprocatory as well.

 

Thats the beauty of hinduism I think. It's so diverse.

Its so open for interpretation (mono/poly'eism and what not)and upto the follower's belief.

I guess whats important is knowing whats good or bad, right or wrong. Having that morality in place.

Awesome writeup Ansuya !!