Anyone having kids like this ?

Hi Ladies,

Here it goes about my daughters.

They don't sleep in their room and no matter how many times I tell them they get into our bed and I really have to tell them EACH AND EVERY DAY that they need to sleep separately Actually they sleep in the same room but we put separate bed for them as they are scared of sleeping in their own room.
In the morning they don't set their bed also.

Don't brush their teeth till I tell them to.

They don't go for taking bath till evening no matter how many times I tell them.If I raise my hand ( not beating but just to scare them I raise my hand ) then they will slowly go for that.
They will leave the dresses on the floor including the towel.
Never get ready if we have to go out.I keep telling them that If one has the plans of going out then they need to do what is required to do.like getting up early in the morning means at least btw 9.00 - 10.00 am, brushing,taking bath, getting dressed,etc.
They don't eat food.It will take at least 30 mins. to finish one item.
I don't know whats wrong with them. they are 10 yrs. and 5 yrs. old girls.

Will leave the clothes where ever they feel like after coming home and also the shoes, sandals.Will not change their dress i.e, to sleepwear.
It is really frustrating for me to go thru this every day and every minute.

Please kindly share ur experiences.

Thanks,
Veda.

Hi veda... Just my few cents..I think some kids behave like this and normal for growing up.They may change once they have enough maturity.Discipline them by giving a chart and their chores to be done.Stickers for each completed job on time.If they have been doing it good you can give a small treat.

This may motivate them.Another thought set/show example of how their friend's do it at their home.Worst case stop doing all their work..Let them be fussy..late for school,room in a mess..teachers may warn them. and learn it in a hard way.

Veda,
I would go with Supriya's last suggestion - stop picking up after them and nagging them for a week or two - the elder one is atleast old enough to bear the consequences of that! The younger one will most likely follow her sister's example, so if you get your older girl to realize the need to do things on time and keep things neatly your problem will be mostly solved. I'm basing my advice on what my Mom used to do with me and my sis - it always worked.

Vanathi.

PS - And IMO they are old enough to be sleeping in their own room - I would enforce that and shift all their stuff there as well. That way their mess stays in their room.

hi veda,

With a almost going to be a teen daughter and a disorganized son i can relate to what you are talking.



It is more of bringing them up with discipline. looks like you have pampered your elder one and now with the two kids a little older you are feeling the pinch of it..(sorry, if i hurt you by my comments..)

I had the problem of them not being able to make their beds in the beginning. So now the nights my son makes the beds ready for sleep and in the morning it is my daughter...after a long session, they decided on their own timetable.

We made it a point to make them sleep in a separate room, but will be reading or singing to them till they slept and then leave our door and their a little open and assure them that we are there if they just open the door.

regarding leaving things, you just need to talk to them and not nag them everytime. some kids are very meticulous and neat in whatever they do..my dd used to take her bath and arrange, wear her uniform by the age of 4. whereas my son i used to have a tough time. now my son is 10.

Even today my son leaves his dress on the floor when he comes from cricket coaching ...i cut him little slack because he leaves at 5.30 in the morning..but if he does have time he has to leave it in the wash basket.and other wise i make it a point that if the dress does not find its way into the wash basket, they may not have undergarments for the next week.

and if my son does not put the plate for wash or leave a glass on the table after drinking milk, i just tell him, see if those things don't go to the sink, you may end up drinking milk in the evening in the same glass, as i am not going to give you another glass..that makes him put it there.

regarding getting ready just make them understand that you will leave them at home if they are not ready by the time you want to leave and also teach them punctuality.

They need to understand that they also have to share in your work.

Make a chart, in the same way like the class, and for every bad behaviour in the sense not making their bed, not listening immediately..a black dot. the day there is no black dot gift them..but make sure you don't bribe them..bribing them will make them do it for the sake of the bribe and not involvement which is more important in the long run.

I would suggest you shift them to their bedroom and ask them to keep it neat.

And just because i am writing this here, it does not mean my kids follow it to the t..they are after all kids. we need to cut them slack when needed and also a firm hand when needed..

hope i have been of some help...you can definitely discuss more on the same.. would like to know what others have to say..

All kids are like this. don't get frustated..(it is seen in the title..) relax. it is a growing phase..

Dear Veda,

I too have 2 daughters 12yrs and 10yrs, they are also the same, but i have a discipline chart with golden stars and black dot.................this is the only way you can teach them to be disciplined and it should be a regular practise.................atleast till they reach 14 to 15 years old....................some times i too feel so tired to check them...........but no other go.................we must be firm, their gift will be like outing on a week day depending on their golden stars and black dots...........................

My first daughter always has arousal problem, so i tell her if she is late she is answerable in the school, if she doesn't do her homework she has to face it.............now she is better..................

Children are like this...............we have to understand them more, stand under their age and see......................this is how my Guru used to tell all parents............

Hi Veditha,

Totally understandable with kids! Please do take me in the right sense, and see if u can enforce some rules to be followed. Like waking up time, bed time, point system for doing their own stuff, like cleaning up, washing their own plates etc. And once they reach certain points, gift them money for their piggy banks.

My son is 12, and he does his own stuff. Makes his own bed ( I have asked him to do so only weekends, since weekdays he leaves to school early), he washes his own plate and glass after eating. Puts clothes into washing basket etc. I think all this is easier if u train them when they are young. As far as sleeping in the same room is concerned, I think it is high time both of them are put in their own room!

Thank you ladies for the wonderful advices.

Actually they do help when I insist them to. But most of the times they want to escape from doing it.
Even when they have to go to a party or something very interesting then also they don't take bath will just watch TV or do something else.

If I yell at the elder one she gets upset and just keeps the sad face will not talk or respond for another half an hour or so.
This happens the whole day.
I usually try different ways to encourage them for doing ht chores but cannot succeed all the times.
But will keep trying what u have suggested here.

Thank you once again.

Veda.

Veda,

My views are completely different, maybe you will not like it.

If they are scared of sleeping in their own room and like sleeping with parents - then you should allow it. Maybe they are looking out for emotional security, they like being close to you and are expressing it that way. Give them time to take decision about sleeping on their own bed. OR you may try this - When it is time to sleep, you sleep with them on their bed for sometime till they sleep and then you can shift to your bed. Try this for a few days - I am sure they will sleep on their own beds later on.

Regarding making bed, brushing teeth, bathing troubles, leaving clothes everywhere - these problems are faced by most parents. You are not alone - so don't think your girls are unique. Many of the ladies here on Indusladies wouldn't have learnt cooking till they got married or had kids (run a poll if you wish to know the truth), wouldn't have got up early in the morning before marriage, wouldn't have made their beds, wouldn't have helped their moms with house-hold work. So it is not a huge problem - your girls will have to learn it at some point and they will.

For sometime stop telling them to do things, become close friends with them, play with them, no scolding, no raising hands. When they come and talk to you or try to be with you, do it. Give them the feeling that you are there for them no matter what. They will also understand it and you will see that they will respond to you positively. They are just looking out for "Attention" if you ask me. Once they start giving you positive responses, you can slowly involve them with small work here and there. You should also show them that you are working a lot and if they help you with your work, you would be able to spend more time with them. Things will definitely turn around.

As I said my views are different. You are free to express if you don't like it.

Originally Posted by veditha09

Hi Ladies,

Here it goes about my daughters.

They don't sleep in their room and no matter how many times I tell them they get into our bed and I really have to tell them EACH AND EVERY DAY that they need to sleep separately Actually they sleep in the same room but we put separate bed for them as they are scared of sleeping in their own room.
In the morning they don't set their bed also.

Don't brush their teeth till I tell them to.

They don't go for taking bath till evening no matter how many times I tell them.If I raise my hand ( not beating but just to scare them I raise my hand ) then they will slowly go for that.
They will leave the dresses on the floor including the towel.
Never get ready if we have to go out.I keep telling them that If one has the plans of going out then they need to do what is required to do.like getting up early in the morning means at least btw 9.00 - 10.00 am, brushing,taking bath, getting dressed,etc.
They don't eat food.It will take at least 30 mins. to finish one item.
I don't know whats wrong with them. they are 10 yrs. and 5 yrs. old girls.

Will leave the clothes where ever they feel like after coming home and also the shoes, sandals.Will not change their dress i.e, to sleepwear.
It is really frustrating for me to go thru this every day and every minute.

Please kindly share ur experiences.

Thanks,
Veda.

Amitha, I liked your answer and I would think the same way as you had ....

How old are your kids? I am getting scared about parenting

Kavya

Originally Posted by veditha09

Hi Ladies,

Here it goes about my daughters.

They don't sleep in their room and no matter how many times I tell them they get into our bed and I really have to tell them EACH AND EVERY DAY that they need to sleep separately Actually they sleep in the same room but we put separate bed for them as they are scared of sleeping in their own room.
In the morning they don't set their bed also.

Don't brush their teeth till I tell them to.

They don't go for taking bath till evening no matter how many times I tell them.If I raise my hand ( not beating but just to scare them I raise my hand ) then they will slowly go for that.
They will leave the dresses on the floor including the towel.
Never get ready if we have to go out.I keep telling them that If one has the plans of going out then they need to do what is required to do.like getting up early in the morning means at least btw 9.00 - 10.00 am, brushing,taking bath, getting dressed,etc.
They don't eat food.It will take at least 30 mins. to finish one item.
I don't know whats wrong with them. they are 10 yrs. and 5 yrs. old girls.

Will leave the clothes where ever they feel like after coming home and also the shoes, sandals.Will not change their dress i.e, to sleepwear.
It is really frustrating for me to go thru this every day and every minute.

Please kindly share ur experiences.

Thanks,
Veda.