How to stem disrespect?

Agree to the core.. women folk tend to be over sacrificing and put up **** from most of the relations and then moan that no one values them. I've seen my relatives saying to their offending kids.. "Let Dad come from office in the evening, he'll set you right" while kids are being too rude, even to the extent of pulling mother's hairs. And these women are working with high paying jobs. If they can't stop this behavior by themselves, then sorry to say, they do not deserve respect either!

 

@guesshoo hey buddy long time... a lot to ponder on this..i know..

there are many factors in this.
one - when others don't respect the mother and even gp's, and sometimes the father too, the children tend to copy them. and the ones who do it don't even worry that they are setting a wrong example or correct them. i have seen this scenario in a few homes.
but the main culprit is when the father does not respect the mother. infact i know of a boy who says unakku onnum theriyadu, nee summa iru to his mom everytime she says something (you do not know anything, you keep quiet) .

the other one is when the kid starts saying nee/vaa/poo/poda (all addressing in tu/jaare/aare like) the mother takes so much pride, but does not correct. infact some do say that it gives a closer connection. being firm about certain things like respect is must.

I know respect is earned, but as kids, they need to respect authority, respect elders. that is something we need to teach them as parents. Respect never means fear.

At home what we do.. we never override the others discipline. we stand on the same page. if they take a complaint about the mother to the father, it is responsibility of the father to stand up for the mother (I know your mom, would not have done this without a reason, talk to the child make the child understand), instead of telling the child "i know, your mother is always like this, let me call her and give her a dose" (i know many use it to ease out a tantrum..but these are things that add up to come back as a boomerang.)

so as @beingloved said no let father come.. or let mother come. with this gen kid who are more smarter, it is better to be a team, to be firm. and never allow them to disrespect your spouse.

if my son were to raise his voice or make a statement that hurts his dad, he has to say sorry. (and if he has a genuine explanation which he thinks was not being heard, we listen to it only later..)..the same applies when it hurts a statement to mom, his dad will ask him to say sorry. (Infact i have heard my daughter tell her friend, not to do that to her mom..so hope something is going into those heads..lol)

so with age, being firm and their understanding keeps working at not showing disrespect..hoping so..

 

As shanvy said tht if mother is not respected by others in home...children follows the same suit...they luv their mother but dont respect them...
At the time of my mother generation it was the thinking mostly tht woman knows nothinv except household chores and they are kind of foolish...so even children started thinking tht thier mother knows nothing so she has no right to correct me...hence the words u shut up u dong know a thing...
woman herself were not habitual of being respected so they acceptex the disrespect frm the kid too....
now scenario is changing ...kids see their smart mother handlinv everything....woman also takes pride in themselves....so they demand and get respect frm their kid....now a days i dont see many kids disrespecting their mom....
if a kid is getting disrespectful it shuld not be ignored ...saying tht oh she is small..she will learn later....while the factis child will learn this as normal behaviour....so putting a curb is needed at earlier age only....
but by the way how it is disrespectful by writing on wall...
Reason i m asking tht my dd used to do when she was smalll ...i considerex it badmanner but never disrespectful....

 

No respect for people at home leads eventually to no respect for others outside the home, no respect for society, no respect for rules ..... that is why we are where we are.

 

REspecting things in the home and outside also has to be taught.

Reminds me of a incident at home recently.. my son was upset when he came back. after a lot of talking he came out stating that there was a door's (hydraulic closure ) that's broken in his class. he told me, one of the classes on that day, he was a little frustated, and he opened the door a little too forcibly and slammed it, and he was wondering if that could have broken it. the class mam was going to watch the cctv footage and come back. i said it is ok. if it was you, we will pay for the repairs. he was like i am sorry.

we then had a talk on using force to vent out anger. that unless he learnt to calm down, life is always going to throw these type of situations in life. be it homebase, or outside.

i also believe that the child should be taught the value of things he gets. the kids get too many things, that they don't even know they have it. i always think our earlier generation was so clear on these. 3 sets of dresses, a pencil only if the one you have got shorter..(not just short), and you had to give your explanation for losing the pen. sometimes, you were asked to get back the pen.. (seriously i am sure it was reallly irritating at that age but come to think of it, maybe there was a way there)

your child wants a mobile, with the latest mp in cam and more memory, and throws a tantrum, he gets it. not many questions asked. i think a check for parents at this point is a must. does your child really need it. can he use it sensibly. will he keep it safe. i know kids who just slam the phone on the wall to prove a point..(they do not realise the value of the product..too easy for them..they don't need to dream about it, they don't need to wait to save for it, they don't need to wait for a year or two..or even to start working to get that.)

they have a get together tomorrow, they get a new set of dress, and a big @@ pocket money..

Many of would wonder is there a relation? definitely yes. no value for the things, leads to destruction, and a cycle of the same.

and another thing that i note.. which i should have mentioned in the earlier post.. the maids, the drivers, the people who attend should be given respect. so what if they work in your place, but they work for the money you pay and nothing more and they definitely need respect (first instance of teaching no work is less). as parents, you are the first models on this. you need to give them respect and the children will follow. the last maid i had before shifting worked for me for 5 yrs, and knew the kids for 7 yrs. and she was always called aunty, and she would tell "paapa and thambi mattum dhaan ennai aunty kupiduvanga..nethikki poranda kozhandai yeellam call me yei, or by name.." (that my daughter and son where the only ones who call her aunty and even small kids call her hey you, or by name..)

A little busy will come back @guesshoo. a very interesting discussion..

it is easy to blame the ones who disrespect, but the root cause needs to be analysed..maybe a small change that can gain momentum...