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Now, I feel a bit like a mom…

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Venonimiss, May 10, 2008.

  1. Venonimiss

    Venonimiss Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, that’s true! After all this time that I gave birth to my child, NOW it feels like I am a little bit of that crowned title - “Mom”. How? – You ask..

    You see - in Oct 2004, when I found out that I was pregnant, I happily celebrated it with my husband. I called everybody we know and declared that we were having a kid. At that time all I was thinking was the big belly that I will have in few months, all the pictures I should take and all the care I will get from my husband etc.

    A few months down the lane after my nausea days, when I actually started eating and showing a little baby bump, we were occupied with issues like how to eat well – right things in right quantities, how to sleep right in right positions, how not to do certain things etc. In all that hungama, I didn’t even notice that my dear husband (who started to show the preliminary straits of being an over protective dad) and I had our first big fight in our 3.5-year married life regarding my not following the diet to avoid the mild Gestational Diabetes I had. Eating Broccoli every day – YUCK! (Of course now I love it)

    By the third trimester I was showing off my belly proudly. I was buying beautiful maternity clothes, listening to music, speaking to the baby everyday. My DH would sit by me taking pictures and videos, talking and singing to the baby in his kishore kumar voice. Well, we were doing what all we can think for the baby.

    As the due date approached, my parents got off the plane with loads of baby stuff from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>. After a wonderful traditional baby shower, we took my parents on ‘baby stuff - shopping frenzy’ and bought everything from a safety pin to play pen. I packed my hospital bags and waited. After a while, I started taking pictures posing at the door as if I am waiting for someone with the hospital bag by my side. And two weeks after the due date passed, the OB-GYN scheduled an induction. Going to the hospital was normal and fun unlike what my husband practiced a million times (‘driving fast but safely on the crooked streets of <st1:City><st1:place>San Francisco</st1:place></st1:City> with my imaginary labor screams in the background!!’). All this while, everyone around me just pampered me away like a kid.

    Instead of my having contractions with the induction, the baby’s heart beat went down six times and they had to cut me open to untangle the baby from the cord around her neck and pulled her out. Out came she - a bright, shining, beautiful and tall baby of 8.5 pounds born with two teeth (Her famous equals in history are King Richard III, Julius Ceaser, Hannibal & Napoleon) and crying loudly. In the operation room, she kicked her dad who was holding her for the first time, in the chest changing his life forever!

    From then on, the scale of my pride about my daughter has just been increasing exponentially. This cute and smart baby gets more and more beautiful and intelligent everyday. I was always in a photo sharing frenzy, bugging people to go open their emails if they didn’t see them yet!! She is the center of attraction in any party; she amazes people with her early developmental skills. I could go on and on, but let me stop here for now.

    Well anyways my husband and I started having arguments on and off about the baby’s safety and comfort. We wanted to keep her clean, give her the best and keep her safe from everything. My husband did most of the cleaning, bottle feedings, massaging etc. This way, I felt more like a kid with a kid with my husband’s help. Next we wanted a home for her, where she can build the memories of her childhood! We both made that emotional commitment and bought a house with a beautiful backyard (This proved very costly and difficult few months later!). While being annoyed at the outrageous expenses and zero savings every month, we enjoyed seeing our baby playing in her own home. We went to <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region> for her first birthday and had an extravagant party inviting everyone we know. It was all very fun, very easy.

    Then around 18 months age my daughter started talking, expressing her feelings, letting us know that she loves us, her demands, her observations, her upsets. Then come my perceptions, my explanations, my dilemmas, my questions and my hypocrisy. Some thing changed dramatically! I would endlessly search internet for ways to discipline her softly but efficiently. I would look for ways to lessen my stress and manage my anger and be cool with my daughter. I would search for parenting classes around my area. I would be guilty as hell for days after I behaved roughly with her or yelled at her. By now it is slowly dawning - it is not just the physical protection and safety you provide to your kids, it is what you are that you teach your kid and builds their personality and life in turn!

    My biggest fear now is that she would inherit all my negative traits like anger, impatience, stress etc and grow up to be an unhappy person in spite of all the brains and beauty she got. I am trying to shield her from any hurtful comments from others regarding her bossy nature (which I think is the result of my behavior with her, since that’s the only way she knows how to get the things done her way). Now I know that you have to be the person you want your kid to be.

    I started waking up early. I do my chores on time; I am trying to put a schedule in my life, so that she would learn to make a schedule in her life. Though we go to temple and cook special foods on festivals days - that was all we used to do in the name of religion/tradition etc. But now I am bringing back meditation and the every day Pooja routines that I left 10 years ago in India, so that she can learn the best lessons from religion and meditation. I am cooking and eating well, so that she can choose to be a good eater. I am working out and taking care of my self, so that she will grow up into a healthy, active and well groomed lady. I am working hard on improving my career, so that she will have higher goals in education and career than what her mom had. Fortunately, her parents are very loving with each other and I hope that she will love and understand her partner too. I am keeping in touch with everyone around me, so that she can grow up to be a social and caring person one day. I am digging out all my long gone hobbies and re-exploring them, so that she will be a passionate person looking for her interests out in the world. I am delving more into finances and investments , learning more where I have never ventured before, so that my daughter will be financially smart when she grows up. I am for the first time showing keen interest in politics and will learn more, who knows one day she could be the president of a country!

    I give ample time in her schedule and always get through her daily chores with fun songs, silly faces and imaginary stories. Now there is no yelling, no stress, no rushing her and dragging her to school. I try new recipes for her. I spend most of my time feeding her appetite for books. I do workbooks with her. I teach her shlokas. I take her to different classes. Now we understand each other. If I am angry and silent, she asks me if I am upset. She apologizes and tells me that she will not do that again. I do the same. It is hard, it is a consistent task – but one day it will pay off. She will have a great personality. She will be a fun person and I will make sure that I will be one, so that she can be one.
    How they say - it is not complete if it is just superficial. The change should come from inside mentally. Now, I am trying to change. Now, for the first time it feels like I am doing a little bit for my child. I have always appreciated moms who cooked, cleaned, provided for their children and pushed them to go for better things. BUT Now, I know what else a mom has to do to bring up her children. She literally has to change and discipline her self, answer to her own questions and dilemmas and go through a mental transformation for the betterment of her kids by the time they grow up to be matured persons. Now my respect for mothers has exponentially increased.

    I know I will have to change more, go through and learn more of the life lessons as my kid grow through her childhood, teen years and beyond. It is now that I feel a little bit of the real responsibility, a bit of the real accountability.

    After all this while, it is now that I feel a little bit like a mom…

    Happy Mothers Day.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2008
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  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    happy mother's day venomiss,
    this is a process well worded and how we go through growing along with our babies and experiences. it is a learning process for all your baby and you, so it goes on, we have many telling us what to do, but we invariably put all those behind us when we see the child, yes now you are a mom and mom you would be for life too, a little advise do not neglect your husband here, he is also a child, though they may not express they have a way of feeling let down, though they may help u in every way do not think they can take the mantle of a dad so easily so one has to give attention and let it slowly sink in, from the way u have described ur child looks like an acquarian or libran, pl do correct me here...happy mommy days..sunkan
     
  3. sreejag

    sreejag Bronze IL'ite

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    hi venomiss,
    enjoyed reading it!!

    this thread shows the unconditional love from a mother :)

    happy mother's day to venomiss, sunkan and all ther moms!!!!

    regards,
    sreejag
     
  4. Venonimiss

    Venonimiss Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkan, Thanks for the encouragement and the wonderful advice. Yes, it is true – we just tend to ignore/forget the precious things others tell us from their experiences. I think it has to come from your own experiences in your own way. That is then it sinks in and works. I have a wonderful mom and though I look to her for advice - sometimes even unknowingly, there are certain untold mommy things that she did and does, that I can’t learn from her. It has to come to me the hard way.

    I totally agree and love your advice about not neglecting my husband. I won’t and I can’t. Though I have this brave façade and trying to change my life into sort of like a super mommy – inside it is all his support that drives me. I particularly make sure that he is taken care of in every way. Inspite of all the things I am trying to do, I still play hookie from work sometimes to have a date with him when my daughter is at school. We still go out for those wonderful coffee and discussion outtings, we still discuss about his career, his health and everything. By the way, I didn’t mention in my writeup here about my husband trying to be what would be his daughter’s definition of a ideal man, so that she can go for only the best of best men when she grows up. He too is trying to his part to change himself, to set an example for our child.

    My daughter is a July born. I am not that into Sun Signs, but I think she is a Cancerian. Thanks for your response and Have a Happy Mothers Day.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2008
  5. Venonimiss

    Venonimiss Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Sreejag, the word "Unconditional" is too big! While it is unconditional, I think it takes a lot of effort to gain that crown. Hope I can do a best job and gain it in my daughter's eyes. Thanks for your encouraging words.
     
  6. Oviya

    Oviya Silver IL'ite

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    Dear V,

    Thank you and a very happy mother's day to you, too..

    It was great. Wonderfully narrated...Expecting more from you...

    It's true to the core. The kids teach us learn the life once again. This time with perfect maturity. They make us feel it is our duty to do that. Otherwise, what is the point in living? Life is our battle filed. It is in our hands to win, lead a meaningful life or to lose, just moaning the loss sitting in a corner.
     
  7. Venonimiss

    Venonimiss Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Oviya,

    Thanks for your encouragement. It's been a while that we were in contact. Hope all is right with you.

    Yes, it is very true. We think we are the teachers, but kids are teachers sent to us by God to teach us the life lessons and to make us enjoy the true things of life.

    A very Happy Mothers Day to you too.
     
  8. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

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    A wonderful bit of a woman's transformation from just a natural/physical mother to a complete one..like an ugly caterpiller turning into a beautiful butterfly!

    Very well worded, walking us through the delicate thoughts of a mother for her child. Made me really feel a mom's aspirations for her baby. Another sincere attempt to convey your thoughts - which also will open the eyes of many other moms like me.

    Please write more. Happy Mom's Day.
     
  9. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    Just would like to say very well written. Its true many a times we wonder y our child is behaving like that only to know that we have to change ourselves.
     
  10. Oviya

    Oviya Silver IL'ite

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    Dear V,

    It has been a longtime indeed..We are all fine...Hope you are all doing fine, too.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2008

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