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Expecting another girl - scared to go home town

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Priya4oct, Sep 19, 2014.

  1. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    About me and family - I am a single daughter between two brothers and single DIL of son oriented family. Son oriented family means - no respect to girls except DIL (that's me) and every one's world is around son whether son is really worth or not. It's not my ILs it's whole town, relatives , extended family etc. My DH is single son who was always treated like prince in family and town (it is just small town and he is most educated in that town)

    I have one 4 year old DD and expecting another girl in jan 2015. The day from when I broke my pregnancy news to ILs they always prayed for a son (even they were planning for celebrations). Whenever my DH said them what if it is girl, my MIL was telling it's not possible and I pray every day so got will not do this with me. But I mention they love my DD too..they miss her every day in India.


    Now the day I came to know I am carrying baby girl, I am dreaming about every one's reaction on my daughters like my extended family is cursing me for not having son or my ILs neighbors are laughing on them for not having grandson saying this is your previous life curse. Or my grand FIL is cursing me etc.
    My DH is very supportive here and he assure me no one will say any thing. If they let them say our daughters would be much better than their sons (I am agree with that) but I donno why I can't accept I am carrying a girl. Every time I think that US is wrong and keep searching about cases where US is wrong. Even now I am scared to go home town specially on my SILs marriage which will be immediately after my delivery.
     
    sindmani likes this.
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  2. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I can understand your stress about your extended family expectations, but think about anything that you can do about this. Is the baby creation is in our hands? in this science era, we very well understand about the chromosomes right. Please take it positively, two gals having very good bonding in their whole life and enjoy your pregnancy now. Gal or boy we need to provide them everything equally- education to self respect. So, dont reveal about the gender of baby as you want to know about it after delivery only, want to have that excitement and all. And prepare them the benefits of having same gender kids, explain your MIL that god will give us what is good for us only..
     
  3. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    Yes...this is what we are trying. We have already broke this to ILs but we said it's not 100%. My DH explained them that two sisters will have more bonding that brother sister (even he gave example of his sisters..they are more bonded with each other as compare to DH) but still they are not able to accept. One good thing is when MIL asked if I am happy and DH said - she is but more worried about you guys and scared to come home. My MIL said it's not in her hand so why she is scared. and never ever think for abortion ..girl is form of goddess ( I guess she said this because one of our neighbor aborted 3 girls child for a son ). But I guess now she is expecting we will try for 3rd one (for which my DH is deadly against even he was not ready for 2nd)

    But I feel guilty about my DD (to be born), that this is not her fault and I am supposed to be happy same as during my first pregnancy.
     
  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Then why aren't you? Others may choose not to celebrate your daughter's birth, but shouldn't you? Why are you letting other's expectations define how you feel about your own child? You are not helping your daughter by being apologetic and guilty at her conception. You have to stand strong and answer everyone who laments her birth. If you aren't convinced yourself, how will you convince anyone else? Why should your husband and MIL tell you it's okay to have a second daughter? You should be the one telling them it's okay. And it's not just okay, it's bloody awesome! Celebrate!

    Don't hide the news from anyone. Tell everyone, and tell them proudly. If they are feeling bad about it, let them. That's their problem, not yours. Why should you care if they are disappointed? They have to learn to deal with their own small-mindedness.

    My hairdresser once told me, that when you have a son, you have him for another woman. You raise a good and honest man, and then you gift him to his wife. He is never yours. But when you have a daughter, you have her for yourself. You give birth to your own best friend. You raise her and when she's all grown up she becomes your confidant. I'm waiting for the day my daughter is old enough to start raiding my closet, and laughing at my fashion faux pas. Imagine how lucky you are. You have two little best friends growing up in your own home, who will always be there for their mom.
     
    sindmani, beingloved, msm and 12 others like this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op...stop worrying about what a small minded town will stay.No body care.....they are not the ones who are going to raise your lovely daughters. You husbands loves your little dolls and that is all that you need. Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy the baby doll when she arrives.We have two daughters....and they are the joy of our life. They are the best of friends and believe me...you are headed for a time of your life. Think of all the little dresses and little booties ,ribbons and bows....awwww...I miss little girls.Mine are all big now(still a lot of fun).

    If anyone tries to make you feel bad...pity those backward brain dead people.
     
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Make preparations to welcome the cute little darling of yours.
    People will talk for a while.Then they will have their own issues to worry about. Don't sacrifice your pleasure for the sake foolish talks.Any healthy child-boy or girl is very much welcome.
    Jayasala 42
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    girl or a boy they are the same.. u know it.. u believe it...

    so y bother about people who are far away... yes they might not love ur kids as much as u want...

    but it is ur and ur DH job to love and nurture ur girls.. so focus on that... stop worrying about useless opinions... and when u go to the town, ifany one makes a remark.. defend urselves and ur daughters.. simple...
     
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  8. reh

    reh Platinum IL'ite

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    Congrats on your pregnancy. Take care and enjoy the days .
    since your husband is already supporting you . Need not worry about it .
     
  9. RPVAIL

    RPVAIL Silver IL'ite

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    Priya4oct,

    As a father of one child (daughter) I am actually happy for you. Never ever feel something is wrong giving birth to a female child. What you mentioned about your immediate family and the society, I do not doubt you but as you know in your heart, that is all BS. It is a good thing your husband is with you on this aspect. So face the family, the village and society head held high.

    Even going forward try and protect your little ones from this kind of trash talk. All the very best!
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2014
  10. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Congrats on your pregnancy..this is a time for you to take care of urself. So dont stress. Regarding girl child, I did say only one thing: you are lucky atleast you conceived.. Just have a look at TTC forum..u will find so many praying hard and trying hard for a child ( that includes me too). For people like us, we just want a baby..doesnt matter whether a boy or girl. I can say abt myself atleast.. I only wish I cud conceive and deliver a healthy baby..nothing else matters to me. So please be happy and pray for your child's wellbeing. And remember " a son is a son until wife, but a daughter is a daughter for life". Regarding your MIL, I did suggest you remain firm on your decision. You have not done a crime by getting pregnant with a girl. Also if possible remind you MIL that she too is a lady and the one who gave birth to her was also a lady..
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2014

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