Double Income No Kids....DINK

anika987 · Sep 15, 2014

TTC PEOPLE "PLEASE" DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE.ALSO ,THIS IS JUST ABSOLUTELY ONLY MY POINT OF VIEW.

I read an article about DINK.

I actually appreciate people who have the courage to be a DINK couple.
However,I remember me who was a DINK once,not by choice though.
Initially life was fun,I felt sad for other couples who were getting tired with wailing babies and felt happy for myself that I need not go through all that.After 3 years,
Life started to drag...relatives started to pressurize.easy for people to say not to succumb to pressure. That advice never works.India trip was a nightmare with every tom,dick and harry asking when are we going to have kids.3 more years passed.
Lost interest in job and all other activities.Infact,even more bored to be around just each other.Hubby was using a laptop in the study room,I will be with mine upstairs.
Going to movie or doing all other things which we used to enjoy seemed a drag.Infact,sexual life was getting boring.The initial passion for each other has way way lessened due to the comfort factor.The highest point was one particular day I thought "what the hell am I doing?"
Being a DINK did not work for me anymore.After a tough ttc got a kid.It is so stressful and frustrating at time BUT life has never been so blissful.Infact,even drinking a cup of coffee relaxedly makes me feel so goodAll little little things seems so beautiful.I may not be able to enjoy other things anymore but life feels fulfilled.KIDS MADE MY LIFE NOT NECCESSARILY HAPPIER....OK OK I ADMIT,IT MADE ME HAPPIER AND LIFE MORE MEANINGFUL.
Another thing is, when I hit 30 that is when I started to get scared...
Thankfully,all went well.Being DINK forever is a nightmare..atleast for me.

Maybe those people who are super busy and extremely career oriented can really be happy being a DINK.

This is a sensitive article but I really want to discuss this.One of my relatives is a DINK but I see now she wants a kid but she is way above 40 and cannot conceive easily and she is in depression and getting treated.It is so painful to see her suffer.She is a good woman who has helped my family a lot in tough times and it is tough to see her.We suggested adoption but her reply was"Nothing like your own kid".I don't know if that is a right thought but seems like that for her.We really want her to be ok.
Anyways, some are happy being one and actually are totally fine with it.Though each one to their own..do you think DINK works in this society..especially Indian society?

Weasly · Sep 15, 2014

I had a discussion abt this with my friend like 6 months back. At the point I had taken a break from work and studying, so I had ample time for myself and had time for dh. But now that I am back to studying full time for a second Masters and working, I dont have time for anything, I get so tired, I have no time for dh,I hardly get time to sit these days. My only respite is coming here on IL and spending sometime here!! A few months back I just casually mentioned the idea of DINK to my husband, he dint really pay a lot of attention to it ! As time is passing, I am becoming more and more convinced abt the idea, but I dont know, maybe people who have faced this shud give some advice here!

aashuabhi · Sep 15, 2014

I would say being DINK is not easy, specially when you see people conceiving and more so pressurizing you each and every minute.

We are married for 5 years now and have been thinking to not have kids, but then sometimes a scary thought come to mind what if we want kids later. Actually we both are ok to adopt also, but again our parents are dead against that.

Everyday I get more and more convinced that I dont want kids but dont know how things will turn up in future.

I would like to hear the first hand experience of someone who decided to let go the parenthood.

cooks2010 · Sep 15, 2014

I was totally in the same boat. We both didnt want to have kids, we bought a house instead and loved it. We had been together for 7 years and then got married and for 5 years more we were working...living our life.

Then at the age of 34 decided we were finally ready...after 2 years of trying finally at 36 had our first. Its been an uphill challenge for me...not that life changing yet.

I am a stay at home mom now..so I do miss the full time work and the quiet time my husband and I had. We both have our down days...when we seriously question our decision of having a kid. Our girl is good mannered and quite pleasant..so that helps a lot. She is nine months old and we have just started to looking into a babysitter or helper as we both desperately need a break!!

I think its taking us time to adjust, because we moved to a new city (into an apartment) so our social circle is zero...whoever we know with kids have there own social group and its just difficult finding other desis with kids to hang out with. So for the past year it was just us when I was pregnant and now its just us with the baby.

We sometimes hang out with my husbands co-workers who are all non-indian, they are all young and have no kids.

We also didnt have any help from India or relatives....again it has just been us taking care of the baby for the past 9 months.

Recently, we have felt some relief when we moved the baby out of our room and into her own, she adjusted great and has started sleeping 7-9 hrs straight. In the evenings, we love that we can hang out in our bedroom like old times...just reading a book, surfing the web or watching TV. Those evening hours are like bliss

Yes, we do love our daughter and are amazed at the cute things she does. It definitely would have been an experience we would have missed out on if we hadnt had her. At the moment we do have our regrets...maybe that will change as she gets older.

Cooks.

cooks2010 · Sep 15, 2014

My sister in law is in the same boat. They too decided not to have kids. They bought a house too. Now at 39 are trying desperately...but havent had any luck. They have decided to try IVF for a year....if it doesnt work, then they will live there lives with no kids and are happy with that decision. They live in Boston so have an active social life and are quite happy even if they dont have kids.

Cooks

anika987 · Sep 15, 2014

nice reply all

cooks..your dd sounds like an angel My kids were super hyper even around 8 months and started sleeping all night only after 15 months!! Home was never clean and very very rarely did we go out but for me,I would not trade this life for anything else

pantu · Sep 15, 2014

I don't know about the decision kids or no kids , but I know for sure motherhood is
yummy! If you decide not to have kids then stick to it. After certain age it is very
difficult to conceive. Indian society does not work that way. After marriage every body
will expect you to have a kid. Otherwise you should prepare for the gossip...

Weasly · Sep 16, 2014

what is d age after wich having a baby is not advisable? i am 26 right nw!

Roar · Sep 16, 2014

DINK is fun for a limited time period. DINK is only gonna be fully-fun if majority of the world gets DINKY

anika987 · Sep 16, 2014

Hi weasly, when women hit 30,fertility takes a downhill. that is when all probs start. Although,Women even become pregnant after 40.however,the ratio is less for normal pregnancy.Raising kids need lots of physical energy! Imagine conceiving,then raising them,dealing with school and activities after 40..emotionally also it is quite tiring.