Parenting an only child vs two or more children - Your views

I wanted at least two initially with a gap of about 2 years, but I had my first one rather late by choice. (Except the last year of trying!)

once my little one started growing up i don't want to slow down and lessen the focus I have on her now. Of course it is easier on the pocket too with respect to getting private education and extracurricular for her.

Now i surely don't want another one because I'm worried about the effects my age might have on the new baby. Again that would have an impact on my preschooler.

Frankly, my husband's and my siblings are all on different continents. While we are in touch, it is our wonderful friends circle that we fall back on for day to day support. I don't see why we or my DD need another child now.

 

1) Age is a main factor.

Many couples want to enjoy life to the max b4 having kids and hence wait for many years to have one.Imagine having a child around 33 or 34 and then having to go through
everything all over again in next two years! It is just a lot!

2)Kids are a responsibility.

Not everyone wants to really have kids and have their lives changed.However,whether we like ir or not,coz of society pressure people have kids and many stop with one.

3) Fertility..

Many have health issues and probs conceiving.So after having a child,going through all of it all over again is very tough.

4) finance..

Financial constraints are a huge deal.So even if they want to have another one,it is tough.


5)Career-oriented..

Many women are career oriented and feel having more than one means prioritization needs to be made. It is tough to manage a full fledged career and have more than one kid which itself is a huge responsibility..

6) Health..

Due to health issues, some women stop with one child.


LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST..

This is quite rare but there are some women like this too!

7) BEAUTY..

Some women do not want to lose their looks and body but going through a second pregnancy..It is not easy like celebrities who have all the help and money in the world to get their body in shape.Hence, going through all the hormonal changes and bodychanges is a risk quite few are not willing to take.

 

In the begenning we wanted 2 kids. One biological and one adopted. After we had our first one, we started looking into our adoption procedures and it turns out, we dont qualify or there is a wait of up to 3 years and in the end there is no guarantee that we will get a healthy child (they could not match) and the cost involved was $35,000.
So, we decided we cannot adopt and then thought, we will just have one.

More recently, we decided to have a second one when I (and DH) started seeing siblings playing in the park together with my M wanting to join but cannot. There is something about having a sibling! We have been trying for a second one for the past few months with no success.

We know its going to be hard financially. We wanted private or Montessori education for my daughter but if we have a second one, we cannot afford 2 private fees. So maybe we will go public. Other than that, I am not too sure what else to expect.
I didnt look too much into this as I am not even pregnant yet.

 

Shocking to hear it Rakhi. ! The expenditure for adopting a kid is 35,000 dollars ?!

More shocking is, the cost involved in adoption has made you and your DH to give up the idea of adopting !! This made me feel sad for a moment !

It is so easy in India to go for an adoption, legally. There will be some waiting period and some paper works. One doctor has to certify that both the couple are healthy enough and have longevity to rear the adopted kid.

Then, there would be a legal surety and a bond for few thousand rupees (50 dollars or so). That is it, one can bring the adopted baby home !

Meraa bharath mahaan ! (at least from the point of the view that India does not have scarcity in kids ) !!gigglingsmiley

 

Yes Darmesh, cost involved was the main reason which stopped us from adopting. For international adoptions, there are several more rules/ restrictions/ guidelines to go through. More so because we already have a biological child. The questions raise as to why we want to adopt (given the number of people who abuse the children/rules etc). I respect that there are so many restrictions.

Our adoption counselor explained to us that its so expensive because the system wants to encourage only those couples who can really afford (whatever that means). Rules are rules, however lopsided they are. The investigation pretty much ripped my home apart (apart from other things).

So, yes, its sad and in a way its good because this means, the government (both Canadian and Indian) are making 100% sure that parents are ready and that we are a good match. Turns out $35,000 was way too much for me to afford out of pocket.

 

I have two kids with two year age difference.
Motivation for the second kid is my own relationship with my sibling, and my DH's relationship with his siblings. I never regretted having a sibling, in fact the years have only redefined and strengthened the relationship . Same with my DH. Their relationship is still as thick as it was before. One for all and all for one. That doesn't mean that there are no squabbles. There are squabbles, and we get over it pretty quickly. I think initial learning of "forget and forgive philosophy" is from sibling relationshiphugsmiley.

For me, first year of having second kid was not so easy. Some days was crazy to be honest. But after the first year, life became very easy. Now, one is 5 years and other is 3. They do a lot of stuff together, like playing, blocks,the first one read aloud the books for second one. Both have same circle of friends too )- Now as I type this post, both of them are coloring. One is coloring in left page of the coloring book, and other is doing the right page. It is like the hutch dog ad "wherever you go, I will follow you" . Since one is a girl and other a boy, I am sure that as they grow their interests and thought process will be different. Till then I plan to enjoy

-Nitha