How do you talk secrets in front of kids?

Hey Friends,

If you have an argument or you need to talk some secrets about the kids to your husband? How do you communicate with your husband? Though I am Telugu by mother tongue since I am from Bangalore I know Kannada, Tamil, Malayalam & Hindi. But my husand knows only Telugu and English.. Even my kids knows those two languages. So, how do you manage?

Thanks
Tulasi

Hi Tulasi,
Interesting topic. When my kids were very young, we used to speak Hindi (not our mother tongue). Later they started to understand Hindi according to context. My daughter shows more interests in learning languages. Then we started to talk in Telugu (my husband was brought up in Hyd'bad and I have many Telugu friends ). Kids got familiar to that language too. Now we wait until they go to bed or talk through phone during the office hours . Sometimes we forget to discuss becoz of postponement.

Good question,Tulasi.

Now my son is going to be 5 and I am noticing that it is becoming more and more difficult to talk secrets or even to argue.Earlier my son did not know English,so it was easy for us to talk in English.Now he understands English and Tamil very well and understands Malayalam too. I know Malayalam and Hindi,my husband knows Telugu and Hindi other than English and Tamil. But we have never conversed with each other in Hindi,maybe we have to try that now

Hi Tulasi,
Good question. Well, we have always told our kids that parents need to discuss some things which are important and not for kids. and so can you please go out of the room till we tell them it is okay to come in. It has always worked.( and no my older one ( who is 10) does not eavesdrop) . To discuss kids themselves, we do it in front of them as they need to know( especially if it is a discplinary issue or school performance issue, no hiding from the kids here). As for arguing, yes we do have arguments in front of them , somtimes it is unavoidable ( although we try as much as possible not to argue in front of them). As for making up, well we wait till the kids are asleep

Things like buying them gifts etc.... we discuss through email escpecially if it is going to be a surprise.

Hope this helps
Vandhana

Sindhuja, Its good it worked out well for you.
Sunitha, At least you have an alternative.
Vandana, What I was trying to say is about secrets is mainly disciplining the kids. In my case I have 6 year old and 3 year old.. My 3 year old always want what ever my elder one has so much so he fights and pulls the things from him…but I try to tell both of them my older one listens but my younger one if I shout at him he promptly goes to his dad and gets him from his room while he was working then my husband don't know the whole situation and he will be sympathizing with my younger one saying he is still a baby some thing like that.. But I cannot agree with him some times. then argument could start right there? then what will you do? Some times they want some toys or some things which I feel waste of money but my husband might want to buy them then if I want to say not to buy in front of the kids. Kids tend to take sides. I normally discuss every thing in private but some times can’t avoid…

Tulasi

You know,Tulasi,this has already started happening in our home with just 1 kid. My son now has learnt how to get his way with his Dad or Mom,whichever is favourable to him. If I say something which he does not like and if immediately my husband says something which is more favourable to him,he immediately says,Dad said this so I will follow that.The problem is my husband would have said that without thinking,but my son will cling to that.
Same thing happens vice versa.Now my husband and myself have decided to think before answering to him. We have kind of worked out an agreement.If my husband says something,even if I don't agree,I will keep quiet.If I say something,even if he doesn't agree,he will keep quiet.This is the only way my son will stop playing with our words.

Hey Sunitha,
I just could not stop laughing after reading what your kid does... same here I think if we are not smart these kids can take us for a ride! you won't believe Sunitha, even we made the same agreement couple months ago, but things are situational it could start just near the dining table or in the car while driving.. I don't have any problem with my elder one he understands now. may be I can't do much with my younger one until becomes little bigger..
Tulasi

Originally Posted by Tulasi

Hey Friends,

If you have an argument or you need to talk some secrets about the kids to your husband? How do you communicate with your husband? Though I am Telugu by mother tongue since I am from Bangalore I know Kannada, Tamil, Malayalam & Hindi. But my husand knows only Telugu and English.. Even my kids knows those two languages. So, how do you manage?

Thanks
Tulasi

Hi it is a nice question,

I know it is very delicate to talk about your kids with the knowledge that your kids may be near/understand what is being talked out.
Actually, If I have to talk about the kids, I tell them that mom and dad have to discuss some issues , you please go and do your duty. they comply to that. but if after the discussion any serious decision comes out, the kids do understand that we have talked about them. So we have avoided to implement those decisions immediately just give it some time and after a weekend or so.

So my son has taken the easy way out. he will come and tell sorry to who ever is available between the two of us and tell either of us not to tell this to the other person as he/she will be hurt.

The same goes for arguments/fights. We dont fight/argue in front of the kids. We just tell them that we have a argument would l ike to argue in the private. so they leave us. . But even this is not healthy. so we are trying to avoid arguments at this point.