Help Required on my Husband's behaviour

If i understand the situation correctly, Messaging till late nights, calling her even when she is out of station is not normal. At least i don't think so.

How to solve this problem? -- First and foremost - stop getting angry. At least, stop showing it to your husband or others. Simply call her husband and tell him that you are not happy and comfortable that his wife is getting close to your husband. And threaten him that, you will go and complain against her to the HR in her company if she continues to flirt with your husband. You can go little extreme and threaten him that, you will go and inform every one in her office about this abnormality.

I believe, dealing with her and her husband will be much more easy than dealing with your husband.

All the best.

Cheers

 

hi,
if u suspect something then chk his inbox for what sort of messages they r exchanging.if u find somehing objectionable confront boh & even involve her husband.
if not then
1.next talk to him that he has o learn to leave office at office & not carry it over to home.once he comes home his time is for him & his family.

2.u r pregnant.so r u giving him he same time & attention u used to give before or u have been neglecting him...........make efforts to do things together which used to interest u before.

3.poliely tell he lady involved hat u resent her intrusion on ur dh's time wih u.
4.call them again & again in office to show them how annoying it is if wife starts intruding in office time.
pragati

 

Hi,

I think you should meet with the lady and her husband. Be assertive ,clear and talk to them. Tell them that you understand their relationship but tell her everything has a limit. Ask them keep official things only to office but not dicuss via sms or phone calls after office hours( that may not be the case that they are discussing official things but we can't simply blame someone without any proof). Tell them that u have already spoke to your husband regarding this and just want to convey them too that she is not happy with their actions(late night calls and sms) . Also mention this is just to avoid misunderstandings in future and stay as friends forever. Atlast leave question to her husband what do he think abt this?

If they are just colleagues and have no other inentions your problem is solved.

Thanks,
sneha

 

Hi needhappiness

You are not over reacting and I can understand your anger. I agree with the other posters. Confronting the lady and her husband would be more effective than picking up a fight with your husband. Let her husband know about these late night calls/ SMS (in case he doesn't have a clue about them till now) I'm sure his reaction will be enough to put an end to this entire situation.

On the other hand, if he is okay with his wife calling other guys even when they are out of the office, be more assertive and like another poster said, threatening him that you will take this to the attention of the entire office will do the trick.

 

My opinion is different than the others. I don't think it is a good idea to talk to her husband or the lady.

Why talk to strangers, if not this lady, your DH might flirt with someone else.

Please talk to your DH. Tell him how much this hurts you. Can you maybe accompany your DH to his work? Meaning on some or other context... like I want to go to this and this temple near your office, can you please drop me on your way. You can say on your way back, you will come by auto or taxi... whatever..
Just make sure whatever time you both spend together, you don't spend fighting...He should look forward to spend time with you.

Before my marriage, my DH used to chat and email some girl. I found out, I sent email to them as if my DH is sending saying never ever email me again, i hate you. I did this in front of my DH. Since then they never emailed him.
Also, discussed with DH that once he has me, why all this. He said they are just friends.

I explained to him one thing, that you can explain to your DH - I know many ILites might have conflicting opinions to this, but here it goes - " A man and a woman can never be just friends and be close friends. There is always love on one side."
Over time, now he doesn't speak to any woman at all. And is a darling now.

It is in your hands...
Try telling your husband, how he will feel going on another man's bike and working with him all day and still coming home and speaking to him?

 

I too agree. it is not over reaction....

But ur angree all will effect ur little baby. Convey same to ur dh

Convey that u are not liking whatever they doing..and tell that these all effect baby , tell that u need more of his time. Ask them to finsih all the subject,everything in office. See what he is saying.. Talk to both

Remember the days u enjoyed the days ..try to recall and ask him to spend , go some placess.evening shoppings..ask him to make u happy for the baby..

Keep ur self healthy..and happy

 

This is not normal. No way! You have every right to ask for details and be upset about it. Your DH should be taking care of you - his wife who is pregnant with his baby!

I would suggest that you escalate this to your inlaws and your parents. The reason being is that they need to know you have a problem and you can approach this as a family since your DH is doing things that are not really family oriented. Elders generally can find different solutions and approach things with more care than the person in the situation - i.e you. Considering that you are pregnant, I also think that you need your family's support and having them rallying around you would be good.

In case your husband is emotionally or otherwise cheating on you, you need a lot of witnesses, third person counseling, advice etc. Most cheating husbands get away with cheating because their wives do not tell the elders in the family thinking they can handle it themselves. By the time the family is involved, it is way too late. This way you are also making your stance very clear. Some cheating husbands turn the tables around and blame the wives.

You need to let your mom and dad right now.

I have always wondered why women never tell thier parents when they are in deep trouble or danger? How can hiding the secret protect the parents? How can hiding the secret help solve the problem? How will the women hide the truth from their parents when it all blows up in thier faces? How will it help the parents then? Better parents are told when the problem is small and so they can help you resolve it.

 

Ok this looks fishy. First I do not believe in the " We are just friends " Its a lie.Whats worrisome is that he is doing it right under ur nose . So basically he thinks u cant do much to stop him and he can get away with it.

Excellent suggestion by DNM..escalate to parents/inlaws.
If u want to try ur shot at handling it ..tell him to his face one more time u dont like his talking to this girl. IF he gives the same non-sense of friendship play him by his own game.Tell him he can talk only if
1)From now on whenever u talk u put the phone on speaker phone 2) I get ur cell phone passwd and should see ur SMS
3) I want to invite the couple home this weekend and want to see how her husband feels about this.
Tell him if its friendship then he has nothing to fear or hide.
He will never agree to 1 2 or 3. So just say.."Ok ..if I ever suspect that u are talking to this girl I am contacting the girls husband directly.I wont even bother to tell u that I am going to talk to him .After that I am going to talk to my parents and ur parents and ur company HR` "

He needs to realise that u are not going to take it lying down. Good luck!

 

Parents or inlaws makes sense. But I dont understand why some of you write about the "company HR". This is a family matter, and HR has no jurisdiction on this. Correct?

HR rules may only prohibit relationship between boss and someone under the boss (the reason they do that is so no favoritism). But I dont think HR rules can prohibit a man and a woman from having an affair. They do not have any control over that since it is not a matter pertinent to company operation and there is no sexual harassment of any employee.

So, while cheating may be an issue that can be brought up with parents/inlaws, I dont think HR can do anything. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Maybe things work differently in India!?? Can HR interfere in employee personal matters?