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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by its2010, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. its2010

    its2010 New IL'ite

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    hi all ladies,

    This is my first post and i kind of feeling bad that it has to start with a query:(.

    i have been married for 2 years now and going to have baby soon.

    we had a love marriage. My husband is very straight forward person , no bad habits and loves me a lot. so far we have small issues which has been sorted out some what.

    we mainly have issues when our parents come over and stay i know that this is the usual case in every household.

    i need suggestion as to how to handle this particular situation.

    my mom is here to help me with pregnanacy and she has strange skin problem in her hands which is not infectious but just hurts her. I knew abt it from india but dint tell my hubby because he might allow my mom to touch my baby. but like any girls parents my mom knows what si good and what is not.

    my husband has 2 weakness , anger and little stingy .
    Little stingy in the sense that he will not allow anyone to use the dishwasher or increase the heat during winter.

    also last year when my in laws were here by mistake i told my in laws how he washes vessels and (my mom literally begged him not too) for which i overheard my in laws telling my hubby not to wash as he might loose respect which i think is the meanest thing one can say as i know my parents will never do that.

    now i feel he is not helping in washing vessels becasue of that. Now i dont expect him to but atleast he can allow me to use the dishwasher.If we start taking abt it he shouts and we end up fighting. i feel so bad to see my mom washing with her hands. now both my mom and me are keeping quite and we dont want ask aagin as it might just end up in fight.

    i have a afeeling he listens to his parents and does it without showing it explicitly.

    I will be happy to get your suggestion as to how to handle such things now and in future.....

    i know this is small compared to other problems but suggestion is appreciated.
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Next time there is a pile of dishes to be done, ask him nicely, "Hubby, you used to help me with the dishes. How come you don't want to help me anymore?" Then, see what he says. That's my suggestion.

    If he says "Because my mom said so." Then ask him back in a confused voice, "What does your mom have to do with you washing dishes?" That way he will realize how odd it is for his mom to be interfering in how things are run in YOUR house, and even more odd of him to be taking orders from her at his adult age.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,
    i have these suggestions for u
    1.buy ur mom gloves
    2.if doc has not adviced rest do the dishes yourself.u are pregnant & not sick(i have two kids )
    3.use the dishwasher yourself.
    4.his mom adviced him to not help you .she is thinking about her son.your mom is here to help you.she is thinking about her daughter.so just keep in mind 'any mother will ALWAYS keep the comfort of her child in her mind & not that of somebody else.
    forget about her advice.i guess ignore this issue for some days & then when dh is in good mood request him to help u /ur mom in dish washing .if he says no don't raise the issue of mil(remember point no 4)
     
  4. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband might be one of those dollars and cents types with whom you have to give a logical argument and not an ethical or emotional one. I suggest getting some figures on gallons water used between the hand washing and dishwasher and show him how its cheaper. If you run after every 2 or 3 meals it must use less water I would think. Although I am not a big advocate of surreptitiousness, you could also run it when he was not there and put the dishes away before he comes home and look innocent.
     
  5. priyapraveendvs

    priyapraveendvs Bronze IL'ite

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    hey one of my apartment maintainnace guy told me that and many of friends too..diswasher does not increase you bill it s chepaest consumin g electricity and also water....tell this to your hubby before tellig him you chec with your aparmtnet people and then tell him ..and also let he knows this as a G.K
     
  6. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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