Strange situation........i m struck..........Plz help

Hey a new problem.....my inlaws are coming after couple of days...how to behave before them?????

Behave normally, see that the child mixes with the grandparents. The reconciliation has happened with their consent so they will meet you halfway.Maybe your DH wants to showoff his family so give him a hand ! They too must be wanting to meet their grandchild.
Dont get nettled even if they say (they may not)some hurtful things.Ignore. Anyway you will be away at office , you can take leave to make them feel good.If your ILs start favouring you then you can get away with murder!!

Originally Posted by leenu

Hey a new problem.....my inlaws are coming after couple of days...how to behave before them?????

Sorry my advise might be on a different line here....

I wont suggest any DIL to act and be nice to an extent of taking leave from work just to please the inlaws.

Leenu, am not saying that you fight iwth them or be bitter to them. NO. Be nice to them but only whatever you can do...cook what you can dont slog yourself to make all special dishes for them...dont beat up yourself to please them..

All I would say is..BE your NORMAL self...that way atleast they get to see the real you...good / bad..like it or not finally truth is truth and everyone has to face it and know it one day..

Welcome them with a smile and make them comfortable. Do what you can and just keep calm and dont throw yourself at their feet or dont try to rake up an argument. dont dig the past. let it flow.

Let their grand daughter have some fun time with your inlaws..be calm and kool. if you are feeling too stressed or not able to do something ask your MIL or your husband for help. nothing wrong in it. If not hire a help temporarily.

pls do be patient with them for sometime. after all that has happened everyone iwas in agitated state so dont push anyone to accept their faults or say sorry to you....be calm and cool and normal self and treat them just like any of your friends...that way it becomes easier to deal with and less expectations

Hi all,

You know what happened today....my husband, he threatened me....yesterday my husbands cousin who helped us patched together was at our place to give the card for her daughters marriage..she and her dh asked how the things were moving between us...they wanted me to talk to my inlaws on phone and sort out all the mess that was between us these days..

I refused...I told me and my dh need more time together...let us solve our problems 100% than will talk...I openly kept my points, the problems which we were still facing as I dont want to go to US, I dont want to sell our house etc. etc. they tried to resolve our problems and went back.

When they went back..the next morning my dh started shouting at me that you insulted me...I told him I never did that it was just a discussion and I shared my problems...he said I will see you...In full temper he said now I will not use abusive language against you but I will do something wrong with myself...you irritated me...I will show you how I will harm myself...I was quiet..went to another room because was knowing that he is in bad temper.

He took out marriage poster hanging on wall and threw in on floor than he took that poster and said that I am going to trash it...and this time I will harm myself and not you..He took the key of the car and went out..I was scared the way he was behaving...I called my relatives that he is behaving this way...they said let him behave...dont call him...let him do whatever he wants...let him throw the poster...let him harm himself that would be his fault not yours just stay calm...

Whatever anyone says but one is scared at that moment. Anyways I maintained my calm...After sometimes what I could see he came back home...I didnt call him..was just busy with my daughter and showed him as nothing is bothering me. In the evening he took the bottles of whisky or beer or whatever and started drinking which never till date happened in our family..All are teetotallers...Though my dh drinks rarely but this time he started at home...I didnt cared and was busy doing my work.

After sometime when he saw that I was not bothered he came to my room and bolted to scare me..I asked him what is the problem..he said that the photo which I took to trash actually I had not trashed but had given for a new frame...He said that he was disheartened and was putting preasure on me.

Dont you think it is rubbish...scaring me threatening me and spoiling my weekend....and he is after me that I should go with him to US? Does he think me to be a fool or what...How to handle this nonsense fellow so called HUSBAND?

"in life it does'nt matter WHOSE mistake it is,...... but what realy matters is WHOSE LIFE IT IS.,"

Definitely no matter whose mistake it is, BUT IT IS YOUR CHILDRENS LIFE WHICH IS GETTING AFFECTED.


i hope it answers everybody who is having problems in relationship., do reply if it has definitely helped in changing your thought/point of view as well.

Leenu

What ever way your husband had behaved, that shows some hidden resentment and anger issues. I suggest both of you please go to a counsellor a third party who can actually tell both of you on what and how things are going bad to worse!!!

One thing I can see in your case is....both of you dont want to do your part to fix the mess...both of you want the other person to bend down and go your way..which is not happening and the anger builds up...

You said your husbands cousin had tried to solve your problems...what does that mean? did your husband agree at that time when his cousin was talking? was he really interested in discussing the marital problems with them? who initiated the discussion on fixing the problems? what was the outcome of the discussion? did his cousin say go to US or not go to US etc?

If he was not comfortable discussing his problems with his cousin..you shouldnt have done that (unless he initiated the discussions)...If you had started the discussion and when your husband showed signs of anger that he was insulted by such discussions of his marital problems infront of his cousin..you should have told him that why cant his relatives stay out of your marriage and why cant you both solve things..rather than all his relatives come by and suggest call inlaws, or patch up with husband or do something etc..etc...

TALK to your husband. Tell him firmly this marriage cant go like this and its not good for both you and the kid and also him...you both need to talk to each other openly and figure out a way to fix issues...if you both are not able to do it by youselves..then a third party who has no interested in anyone of you winning should be involved i.e like a marriage counsellor (no one from your or his end)You both really need a open talk and good brain wash as I see both of you have gone to the extreme behaviour of mental/emotional abuse.

Hi SriVidya,

Thanks for replying...I have asked my dh that we should consult a marriage counsellor..he said you are saying this because ur intentions are bad. You dont want to improve that is why you want to go to counsellor.

SriVidya I am fed of this man and of his rubbish replies. We are just ignoring each other and not talking much..SriVidya I have so much of hatred in my heart for him..I have lost all trust and respect towards him..I am here just because of my DD.

If I say to my parents I cant stay with this man..they say no you stay at your home only..things would improve on its own. How many days can you ignore each other. Doing all that I have wasted 4 yrs of my life. My future is a question mark..cant understand how to proceed.

Leenu

Your response to him should have been..those who are interested in keeping their marriage intact..they go to counsellors..not the other way round...If he cant talk to you and wont accept or atleast consider any of your points..intervention from a unbiased third party is necessary...isnt it??? either he considers your points...or lets the third person involve and come up with a common ground of understanding....

this or that option..

by the way..pls..pls stop going to your parents or complaining to your parents everytime....you have to be a role model for him....so dont do things that you dont want him to do....

be patient..and raise the topic again..slowly...

hi leenu,
i read yr message.well the mantra for yr problem is forgiveness.i faced a very bad and a tough situation where any women would have thrown their husbands out. it happened more than 3 times where i was fed up but i patiently forgave him and the fruit of it was today we are together.

well ask foriveness abd say that you cannot live without him ( bitter anyways) and close your eyes and think of all the green memories of you and yr husband and yr child,you can never imagine a divorce becoz the world will never understand you. your parents will never come with you all your life.you have a daughter too. dont act quick and lose your husband to some one else. men will immedietely remarry after divorce than its too late to think. hold on and on but dont go for a divorce atleast for yr child sake.

after years you will be a testimony for saving your marriage

all the best