Issues with Trust in marriage

Sweet Dreamz

Just one question before I really make any judgements here....Was your husband this way before?? I mean was he interested or flirting with any women before this lady...???Did he try to do such similar stuff previously with any of your neighbours or friends or any of his colleagues???

 

Sorry Priya Dear...I wont agree to this point..tsktsk

Such actions will worsen the situation always....As Visu suggested...SDs husband would get a way to justify his actions much more...

 

SD007 ,

You already look like a Female Bond to me !! Respite all the stress you going through, I see the way you take life soo sensible ! You are outright practical. Ok, praises aside

If your are ' not liking ' the very act of your hubby then it simply means, he needs to curb it ! It holds good with either of the spouse. Regardless of wether one of them feels it is right or wrong, it needs to stop ! It only means that there still exists mutual respect to emotions..

Respite understanding the fact that this woman ' flirts ' your hubby asking you to hush and telling you feel jealous is plain stupidity !! I feel the best way to handle this is to confront your hubby straight and ask him

What he is upto ?
Does he want to live with you the way as any normal couple would or wants to keep having seasonal crushes this way ?
If he continues to have seasonal crushes and act funny with other women, then you are sure going to make life tough for him and will walk out after that !
But if he tells you that, he wouldnt repeat it again.. then WARN him that the next time you see or even sense something crazy you will handle it your way ! He will not have a word after that.
So, first take your hubby to task ! If you are jealous, YOU ARE ! If he fails to understand that you dont feel jealous for every man in the neighbourhood , then it means you are so much in commitment to the marriage. So, his dirty business should stop !
Can he, or cant he ?

Once those things are set right at home.. You could take the whip for this dame who has been flaunting around. If you are sure, that she " neednt be bothered " about anymore once your hubby ' understand ' your point, then let go of her and say the word IGNORE whenever you happen to see her ! But, if you feel, no matter what your hubby tries to do, she doesnt allow it go peaceful for you and is making life very difficult day by day for you then , time to handle her too !
Go a step forward, confront her loose talks when you are with your hubby. Put her in her place and make her ' realise ' the line of decency !

I know it isnt too wise to step to the bitterness level of this extent but when your entire married life becomes a worry and you know it is in complete jeorpardy, ONE NEEDS TO BE TOUGH and needs to set things right for all its worth ! I call this BEING CLEVER !

You shouldnt let few specimens created by God whom he forgot put some sense into, to ruin your 8 years of married life ! God did give you lott extra wisdom to handle these weirdies !!

Never let anyone, your hubby or some lunatics as such to walk all over you !!

Time to whip them, you know where !!

Best Luck !!

 

Drpreethis, wonderful advice,:thumbsup

 

Sorry lady, I did not read you entire post and I missed this. Dr. Preethi's is fully justified in whatever she wrote. I take back my earlier response, in which I was awarding benefit of doubt to your husband

Again Preethi at her best!

 

Agreed, chanting name of someone in sleep? that is awful, this guy has some serious issues....

 

Is your DH really cheating on you with this lady (ie having an affair) or simply flirting with her and you are afraid that this may lead to something bigger.

You can have a intuition about this too and know from your trust level with him over the years. If he is really cheating on you than you should first find real hard proof of it and then confront him and then decide the next step.

If he has flirted before and that has never led to an affair then you might be safe. This means that your DH is one of the flirting kind and do not mean to cheat on you. Therefore he sees it as something not so harmful and might think you are overreacting to a simple plain situation.

If you confront him with this he will definately think that you are making it a big thing for a harmless situation.
He does not realize that what he considers harmless is indeed very hurtful to you because you start to feel neglected and unloved.

If it is his habit to flirt,then I agree with Priya that he should know how it is to be on the other side of the situation. Instead of being insecure, try giving a lot of attention to someone else for sometime and see if he dislikes it. If he really likes you and do not want to loose you he will not like it and would know how it feels. However do not overdo it. This strategy worked for one of my friend. May or may not work for you. So please take it with caution.

If he is really serious about her or having an affair, then maybe you have to do what Karishma did in Biwi No 1 movie.

Good luck

 

Preethi You are the sweetest girl....:cool2::whistle:whistle:whistle:whistle:whistle:whistle

no one can put it in a better way than what you suggested to SD...sometimes I think we women need such confidence and strong supportive words to do what is right!!

SD ..good luck dear!

 

With all due respect to all the responders, I have to agreed with MrsFrank that a talk with the other woman's husband could be very helpful at separating the two. I think a lot of distance is needed between these two before things get more serious and he could help make this happen. Marriage counselling is also a very very good idea. One thing I would warn against and that is involving children in any way in adult business. If the child says something and then the parents separate later for some reason related or not, children take these things as they have made them happen. The child may have mental problems or guilt the rest of life if that happens so please don't take that chance.