is it wrong to ask pocket money for ur expenses?

Hey Tiyamommy

Please don't feel bad .I know your situation and been there trust me its hard but I think for you to be independent you need a job .you can transfer back to H1 and try .market is picking up now .

There is no point in arguing with your DH he is not going to listen .My DH is exactly the same too

Don't worry I am sure you will find a job easily with like 4 years of experience .In US job market is dull I agree but not of talented professionals .Now that new H1b have trouble existing H1 have move value .Try in companies like wipro ,HCL and Infosys .

I got a job after 5 dreadful years in H4 within 1 month of getting my work permit and with just 2 years .Trust me I am not smarter type but it was my hardwork that paid off .Roll up your sleeves tiya mommy .

 

OP, first to answer your main question, being a male I can say, NO, you are not wrong in asking pocket money, rather your husband is wrong to let you ask, period.

He should not even give you a chance, if that is what makes you feel better and yes you need to have freedom, its terrible you are going through financial slavery, I dont want to make you feel more bad, but I just hoped your husband would be reasonable, if not then I dont know how you can come out of this issue except that you start working...

Good luck

 

Hi
I was in the same position. I used to plead in the supermarket to get a 5$ tops when he was earning around 8K per month... I used to feel like some slave too.
But after I got my EAD, I worked so hard and got a job in IT and earning well now. To top it off, I was a fresher. If I can work hard and get a job in this economy, u have so much experience I am sure u will surely get a job no matter how the economy is.

Note: Even though I earn and spend so much on dress, food, accessories, jewels my husband does comment on my buying style and restrict me so much. But atleast I have certain amount of freedom compared to being a slave begging for stuff ...

all the best. I can recall a saying "Dont cry for change, be the change u want"
U cant change ur hubby however u crib, but change yourself and earn for yourself.

 

Tiyamommy,

What your husband is doing by refusing money is very very wrong. You are his life partner, mom of his kid and this is the way he is treating you! Being a stay at home mom is very good, but i always tell my friends that if the hubby is not supportive of wife then it is better to work outside home - sounds very cruel but it is equally degrading for an adult to beg for money like this, absolutely wrong! And on top of that once the woman earns she will also have to come home and cook and clean while the hubby gets off scot-free, wrong wrong wrong! I will pray that you get a job soon, in the meantime some tips -
1. PPl have given very good tips above, also join www.linkedin.com, create a professional profile for yourself there, the real advantage is that there are many technical recruiters there with email ids who are looking for ppl, contact them directly with resume and see if they have openings(do this in addition to applying on dice/other job boards etc.)
2. try simplyhired.com, they have aggregate job postings too
3. many american comps (specially in financial sector) will refuse h1b in these times, but try going with sub-contarcting companies maybe. sorry i dont have those names, am not a developer but am in marketing, maybe other ppl on this forum can help with names.
Leaving you with some inspiration from the internet, all the best, get a job soon, that seems to be your only solution!
A : Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.
B: Believe in yourself.
C: Consider things from every angle.
D: Don’t give up and don’t give in.
E: Enjoy life today - yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.
F: Family and friends are hidden treasures.
G: Give more than you planned to.
H: Hang on to your dreams.
I: Ignore those who try to discourage you.
J: Just do it.
K: Keep trying no matter how hard it seems.
L: Love yourself first and most.
M: Make it happen.
N: Never lie, cheat or steal; always strike a fair deal.
O: Open your eyes and see things as they really are.
P: Practice makes perfect.
Q: Quitters never win, and winners never quit.
R: Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.
S: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
T: Take control of your own destiny.
U: Understand yourself to better understand others.
V: Visualize it!
W: Want it more than anything.
X: Xcellerate your efforts.
Y: You are unique of all God’s creations.
Z: Zero in on your target .

 

Tiya Dear

Whats happening with you....see for yourself..you are wallowing in your own negative thoughts....we already know the problem here...too muchof controlling from husband...so put that aside and think of what you can dow ith what you have in your hand...rather than aiming for something and arguing or feeling bad for not getting it.

We all know that in this bad market, to get a job is like the biggest hunt forever...but do we loose hope? no.I wouldreally like to see you come in the working women section, post your queries on the interviews you attended here, or atleast aim at getting calls from vendors, then aim for resume getting submitted to the clients, slowly the interviews will happen.

just uploading resume to sites wont work dear as there are people out there who are 24/7 working to get their resume noticed ...

if you keep working on getting a job am sure some how I feel that your husband would also come around to help you with other stuff you are looking for. update him at the end of the day how many jobs you applied for, how many calls you got, how many interviews are scheduled, if you need any clarifications or help in answring any questions etc.

Please stop this day to day thoughts on feeling down if something doesnt work out your way.there are so many single women out there struggling more than you....(atleast if you dont work you have a home tolive, food to eat, baby totake care of and husbands support in one or the other matter...)

one more thing...the more you push back on not working or showing not interested to work, the same push back is coming from your husband...think for yourself...your daughter is growing up, daily she just spends time with you and your husband...after few months she would want to go to school or day care...and the costs are going to be high..you cant keep her at home with no friends...and moreover the more they are around you guys the more she would feel bad as there is not good atmosphere to feel happy...and for things to settle down try your best to get a job....and this trying for sure will change your husbands opinion on your nature of not interested in working...slowly things would fall in place..


lets try to look at the positives and things we have...rather than what we dont have...we always feel grass is greener on the other side...we dont know the pains of any ones situation unless we are in it..so dont think that single women or having a living partner is better than what you have now. JMO

 

Tiyamommy, you should be flexible enough to relocate if you indeed want to have your own career. It is quite unlikely and unreasonable to get a job in the same location as your husband has. If you can work in a company for 1 or 2 years, then you can think of having a place of work of your choice / your DH's work place. You know well that to shift a job is easier than trying to freshly apply a job after a gap. So first thing in my opinion that you need to do is find a job that interests you and that builds on your prior experience. If I know your profile, I can try suggesting you the more current skills in demand in those areas.

Also in any interview, when we are asked about our experience, we should first articulate well what we know and what we worked on - it always helps to enumerate our skills and things we have worked up and confident about.

Secondly, if we face any questions on skills that we don't have, always be confident - accept that you don't know / or not have enough experience on that - but you can pick them quickly on the job and you don't think it is a big deal. The interviewer would mainly see how you are handling a difficult question - if you panic or give wrong answers that is considered bad. Not knowing something is never bad, if you present a nonchalant and confident posture.

Also be upfront that you have left your previous job because of maternity and that you are now back to finding a job as you have planned. Don't wait for them to ask you, keep it small and to the point. Always, show that you are serious to place yourself. Not that, you wanted to find a job as an after thought. Also if you get some references from your previous employer in advance that would add value too.