How do i get my DH to help me?

For the dinner hosting part, please go through ChitVish recipes and probably do some make ahead recipes that you can just pull out of the fridge and into the microwave and decorate so it looks fresh and good...

That will reduce your stress on the hosting day and you will not be making angry eyes at your hubby...

about getting him to help in household chores, I hope the other ILs will give you good advice - my DH even though doesnt have the time on usual days, helps me out without asking when his folks visit or when there are guests... I do not have any strategies for that, sorry...

 

Can you tell him what exactly to do instead of asking him to just help? Be specific on what you want him to do. This is what my wife does. Once we decide on the menu, she takes the veggies out from the fridge and tells me whether to peel or cut or peel and cut etc., and the containers for them. Same goes for onions. I take all of them to the dining table along with two cutting boards and my job is done in 30 mins. She then takes over and once she is done with cooking, I load the dishwasher before the guests arrive. After the guests leave I load the second batch into the dishwasher.

My wife still mumbles that I am not doing enough. Try this routine in your house too. Ask him to just peel and cut onions and load the dishes once. Next time add some more tasks. See how it goes. Don't expect him to change in one day. It may take few months. So keep inviting guests every week:biggrin2:. Good luck.

 

hmm.. well.. I'm a bit hesitant to answer because DH does help, when he feels like it. He cleans the bathroom, does the dishes, the laundry.. but he should really feel like it and that's not as often as I would like, but its defintely more than what I;ve seen in other men.

My dad does everything, and my FIL does some stuff, and DH falls somewhere in between.

Hosting parties, I usually do all the cooking, and if the house is not clean, he'll tidy up and clean, if he's home before the guests come. I usually don't nitpick because he has crazy hours including weekends, so I know he's on edge about it, don't want him to go nuts when he's home with the constant nagging (though he tells me I do)!

 

I cant speak from my experience as my dh is an excellent cook and a 'clean freak'. So he does help out a lot. Like Ajith said, you could give your dh specific tasks to do. He would be more likely to respond when he knows what exactly he is supposed to do. Also things like vaccuming, cleaning washrooms could be done the previous day. In order to reduce your workload, you could get some of the food from outside and cook some dishes yourself. Readymade rotis, frozen foods, ready dessert etc, where you need to do very little prep work. You could also get your dh to fire up the grill or barbeque and make some food while entertaining your guests. Try to stick to a simple menu, don't overwork yourself and get stressed. Relax and try to enjoy your party.

 

Hey Tiyamommy,
My hubby is exactly like yours. Your DH tells that he will do and postpones, mine blankly tells he cant do and buries his head in the laptop.

So instead of fighting a tough battle and getting frustrated i usually cook for 2 days in parts. Like I make gravies and curries the previous day and rice, appetizers on the d-day and dessert always from outside. I sometimes get naan or a tray of chowmein or a tray of channa masala from a private caterer for subsidized price since she is a friend. So it will be 25 % outside and 75 % homemade.

Cleaning up for the party is a big pain, I will start from the morning and keep reminding every hour. And he will put the vacuum and take the trash. I will usually clean the washroom when i take bath and finally get ready.

For all parties, its strictly aluminium trays, disposable plates, cups, forks etc. So not much ofdish washing. Just picking up stuff and throwing in trash bins...

 

I do the same as mlk2009,prepreparation.I always keep the menu simple ,and easy .Also make a to-do list,and give it to ur hubby.Things he needs to do,nagging does not work.Ex.Like take trash,vacuum,put new comfortor set in bedroom (if you are particular)cut vegetables...etc.
They need to have in writing ,numbered in which order you want it done.
Hopefully,you will be less stressful nexttime.

 

Tiya ,

I do agree with mlk that you could cook in parts .. it is easier.. Also, dont go for veg shopping in the last minute.. Like THE day. Do it 2 days in advace.. This way he can go undent his car, look for latest gizmos and come back with the veggies and stuff you asked for. I also wanted to back Ajith's reply.. I just have to tell my husband to cut veggies for what type of dish and clean up the house.. He would do it. But the problem is my hubby will come up every other minute to show me wether the shape and size of the veggies he has been cutting is ' right ' !!! :bonk I do lose my cool at times.. but when i dont utter anything.. he knows for sure.. he needs to disappear for the moment !!

About you spending on home improvement, sometimes it wouldnt make sense to our spouse if ' the interests are different ' ! Not that all men detest home improvement.. Sometimes they feel it could be useless.. During such times, if you can let go without taking it to heart then do it.. Else.. BUY IT. Dont ask for opnions.. After all you arent buying something which is total waste.. It is just that, sometimes they could feel " Life will move on if this vase isnt bought " ! But without the gizmo.. it really looks impossible and my wife ' doesnt understand ' types !! So, leave it to what he wants to do.. never go paranoid on what he wants to buy..

You do your bit to your housekeeping as you wish and ask him to stay away from giving opinions.. You will ask when you want to.

About the guests visiting you on the day of party incident.. I would have still sent my husband to the grocery if I were you.. I would have entertained the guests..I wouldve asked him to come back quickly so that the guests dont miss him for long Now, the guests would think he is wasting time if he was late isnt ? So, he will make sure he comes home in less than half an hour.

So just handle it less stressed.. GO his way and make him realise he does get on your nerves sometimes !!

 

[justify]Hi Tiyamommy,

I would suggest that on normal days (i.e. days when you don't have guest over) you should ask your husband to do some non-critical tasks. E.g. after dinner he could help clearing the table. You needn't tell him specifically to clear the table. What you could do is carry a couple of dishes to the kitchen and then request him to get the others. You could also give him vegetable cutting jobs on weekends. Give it to him well in advance. Some small tasks like this every day may mentally prepared to help you when you have guest over. Also as you won't have the pressure of guests you won't get worked up if he does not help. Don't expect him to do this the first time and don't give up till he does.

You mentioned that your DH helped you with you chores initially. Why did he stop? By any chance were you interfering when he was doing the chores?

I normally plan my menu a few days before the party. If it's a lunch party then I do the cutting the previous night. If it's a dinner party I normally avoid making any elaborate lunch that day or I make extra the previous night. That way I am not stressed throughout the day. Initially when I was not so comfortable with managing time and cooking for many people, I used to make a detailed list of the order in which I am going to make things. This would save time and give me an idea of how much work is yet to be done. Like others said, I do my shopping at least a couple of days ahead. My DH hates roaming the supermarket. So I have almost memorised the sequence of aisles and when I give him a list it is in the sequence he is likely to find things. But make sure your DH does the shopping for you. You can't let him off the hook just because he messed it up once. You could also do a major part of dusting and cleaning the previous day.

The most important thing is that you should enjoy the party and people who have come to you place. If some day, some thing is not done – like cleaning up, then don't fret about it. Just enjoy your time.

Answering your last question. Most men I have come across do not consider 2 different kinds of cameras / headphones etc a waste of money. My brother has 3 pairs of wireless headphones and when I asked him why he needs 3, his reply was that pair no. 1 was good for sports, but not good for movies; pair no. 2 was excellent for movies and pair no. 3 was for when he wanted to listen to music! I told him they all sound almost the same to me and he said it's because I don't have a "discerning ear".
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