Life After Marriage

Hi Friends,

Hope u all are in great cheers…..

I would like to share my married life experience with you all so that it would be an eye opener for many persons. I learnt a valuable lesson in my life that “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility." I see that so many women are suffering in marriage life, either in-laws problem or hubby not caring problem…Mine is a hubby not caring problem.

Here goes my story. I am married for 1 and half years and have undergone major turmoil in my life and now leading a very peaceful and happy life. Let me start my story….

Ours is a love cum arranged marriage….we loved each other for nearly one and half years and married with our parents concern…..At that time I would say he is most lovable and caring person in the world. We were madly in love with each other and he could even wake me up at mid night by his thoughts even when he is far from me. How sweet!!! I was in cloud nine that I got him….

Slowly the problem started. I am very bold and straight forward type. He is also the same. Before marriage we used to get small fights which would vanish soon. I thought after marriage everything would be fine. But to my surprise, we got really very big fights over small things after marriage.
We both raised in different environment and had different taste and after marriage both different personalities have to live together in a common environment. There came the problem. For ex. His major hobby is watching TV whereas I like to spend time in beach talking with each other peacefully. I will ask him to take me out while he prefers to stay at home. I will get angry and I will shout at him that he used to take me to beach before marriage thinking that he will convince me and will take me to beach. But He will also get angry and used to shout back. I like Tamil movies whereas he prefers English. Again fight starts. These small things get accumulated and lead to a big fight. We both lost peace at home. Silly fights for arranging things at house, spending leisure time, coming home late from office and so on…

I totally got fed up with marriage life after 6 months…too much fighting; little love this is what I will say I got in married life. The more I expect from him to take care of me, the less I got from him. He used to take care of me like anything when I m sick before marriage but now he doesn’t do that now. I thought am not inferior to this guy and should not give up my position. Y I should be patient? Can’t he try to adjust with me? Y I should adjust. These are the questions that came to my mind at that time. I took a decision. I will lead my life in my own way and let he do it in his way. This is my life I should not waste it. So I started reacting in that way. If I want to go for shopping I will go with my friends or alone. I won’t call him for anything. I enjoyed life in my own way. We had less fights, little peace but no good improvement in our love. But am happy that I am enjoying my life.
After some days I got bored with this life. Living together without care is much painful. I faked myself that am happy but am not totally happy from inside. I used to get jealous on seeing a happy couple. I used to think a lot that how they are happy. I want to be like that with my hubby but y its not happening was the question running in my mind always…

Is it because he changed after marriage? Or I expect him to change after marriage

I wanted to bring back the love we had initially in our life. I started working on it. So what s the exactly between us?
- He is not caring as before
- Incompatible taste
- Some of his habits which I don’t like

I want to see these issues in his perspective. He says am nagging him a lot and he scared that some new fight will come if he speaks with me. So he is avoiding me. That makes him not caring and loving as he used to be.
I understood that we still love each other but we hate each other’s character.

I am short tempered and so straight forward. So I thought of giving a try by changing my approach to deal things with him. I need to be patient and also should convey my opinion to him.

One fine day, I started my new life. I was on all smiles, spoke with him happily. When he watched his stupid English movie, I sat beside him to watch that with cheers on my face and I happily commented about that film. He could notice my change. When he comes late to home after office, I used to be dull and upset. But now I welcomed him happily and talked with enthu about the happenings. Inside I felt like hell, I wanted to shout at him but I took a deep breath and tried to be happy. I have to admit it is very difficult to control your temper and be silent on the things you don’t like. But truly speaking it work wonders. I continued my new life for more than a week and I noticed change in my hubby.

He was getting back to normal state and got comfortable with me. He himself took me out for shopping on weekend. In between his English movies, he gave me some time for my favorite show. I felt happy on his change but I also want to voice out my opinions. Usually I used to tell my opinion straight at that time. But now at the time when argument starts, I kept myself silent and stayed cool. After some time I will tell him my opinion in a sugar coated way. Everyone likes sugar coated talks. In this way I was able to maintain peace and voice out my opinion. This made me happy. Slowly day by day our love flourished and nourished by our give and take policy. The more I give, the more I got. My life became colorful. He understood my wish and started considering my feeling. He became more caring than the times he loved me. I made it a point to understand him and make him happy. As I do that he made me happy and understood me. But still some problems come but am dealing it diplomatically. I handle all the issues with care that it shouldn’t affect my happy life. I now shout at him straightly but not harshly. I voice out my opinion now funnily and mildly. We do fight now but it’s all fair.

I got back all the love and affection. We both are peaceful at heart even though there are some problems. Every family has their own problem, what we have to do to overcome this is just use “give and take policy” u give more and u take more…..

We love persons thinking that we can change them after marriage which is not possible and getting lot of problem after marriage. Instead try to accept the person for what they are and give more love. You will get what u want in your life.

I would like to highlight some points for happy married life.
- Don’t expect much from your partner. This will make you sad.
- Live for yourself and respect others feelings
- Don’t try to change person. They won’t change.
- Try to accept the person as they are then only love is complete.
- Patience can win heaven
- Anger is a loud killer so avoid it
- Enjoy each day completely even if there is pain. Be cheerful
- Smile always it will give energy to others and by spreading happiness u will get happy.
- Give a lot and take a lot
- No one can make a person to love you or care you. It should come spontaneously
- Giving love to a person who hurts is the best blow for the person
- If loving a person doesn’t work, don’t show hatred on them instead double the dosage of love
- Have trust on your partner
- We like to take medicines which are sweet in taste like wise; we can offer advice in a sweet and soft way.
- Marriage life graph goes like this. Before marriage 150% affection, 2 months after marriage 100%, after 6 months 70%. Likewise the graph will fall down, when u realize its falling down, just wake up and do something to save your life. Once you both realize this, the graph will reach 90% again and it will stable till lifelong.

I am so happy and content now even with some problems. I hope this should continue in future also. Give love and take love. Problems can either make you or break you… “The hammer that breaks glass can shape steel… It's up to us to be glass or steel…”