Lazy Husband

Hi all, thank you so much for your reply. I really don't know how to make my husband understand how hard is to take care of baby. He simply keep on saying no other women will keep house so messy. He cant take care of my son for 2 hrs continously. He kept on calling me to change his diaper and to feed him. He really thinks those are mommys job.
I should learn to be more organized. Iam planning to go back to work after sometime. simple cooking is one great idea. If you like to share how u guys balance work and home that would be great.
some of my friends are suggesting me to have just bagel and cereal for breakfast. Is it really working out for u guys.

Hi Renu,

Yes, we do often have just bagel and cereal for breakfast Sometimes on weekends we have a traditional Indian breakfast. Try to cook simple and nutritious food. You need to save all your energy so that you can take care of your toddler the whole day So try to cook and clean only as much as needed.

Thanks,
Kavya.

Originally Posted by Renu1999

Hi all, thank you so much for your reply. I really don't know how to make my husband understand how hard is to take care of baby. He simply keep on saying no other women will keep house so messy. He cant take care of my son for 2 hrs continously. He kept on calling me to change his diaper and to feed him. He really thinks those are mommys job.
I should learn to be more organized. Iam planning to go back to work after sometime. simple cooking is one great idea. If you like to share how u guys balance work and home that would be great.
some of my friends are suggesting me to have just bagel and cereal for breakfast. Is it really working out for u guys.

Originally Posted by Renu1999

Hi all, thank you so much for your reply. I really don't know how to make my husband understand how hard is to take care of baby. He simply keep on saying no other women will keep house so messy. He cant take care of my son for 2 hrs continously. He kept on calling me to change his diaper and to feed him. He really thinks those are mommys job.
I should learn to be more organized. Iam planning to go back to work after sometime. simple cooking is one great idea. If you like to share how u guys balance work and home that would be great.
some of my friends are suggesting me to have just bagel and cereal for breakfast. Is it really working out for u guys.

Hi Renu,

Dont worry.You are not the only one going through this.You look for one and you will find many.

I think all men are from the same school.:)When they have intelligent wives around( collars up ) they tend to become lazy. Over the years i have figured out that its we who make them so to some extent.Inspite of trying in many ways to make them understand and explaining in decent way if things dont work then we have to make some long term lifestyle changes for ourselves so that we ( only you and kid minus hubby) can have some peace of mind.

I can suggest some simple steps from my experience hope it helps you too:

1.Accept only that part of the work which you feel you can do it easily. Do not overload yourself and try to be impressive.

2. Divide the work as per the rooms : bath,bedroom, hall,kitchen etc and do the clean up of one room per day so that you have time to spend with your kid.

3.Try to have friends around with whom you can leave your kid once in a while or have pot-luck lunches so that its fun as well as sharing of work and good play time for the kids.

4.Keep spare utensils and spare clothes so that if you dont feel like cleaning/washing then the other set comes in handy.But make sure to clean the older one soon else you will have 2 sets :(

5.Keep the groceries in the respective containers mostly on weekends when hubby is at home.If he cannot help you in kitchen let him handle the kid.If he is not able to do that also then place your kid in the stroller with buckled up and continue your work.

6. Try to be as independent as you can.Hubbies will come around if they feel that we are ignoring them.

Believe me, think positive and remain healthy.Your health is very imp as the kid is dependent on you.Hubbies go out and vent themselves and come back with a different state of mind whereas we tend to be at home all day and keep breeding negative thoughts and take a toll on health.Dont do that.Come to this forum and vent out, its a cool place.

Dont carry forward the negative thoughts to the next day. Try to bury them on the same day itself by listening to some good music,talking to a friend or whatever relaxes you. De-stress yourself as much as you can by doing some fave task throughout the day.

I have 2 kids and do most of the work by myself .I have all my favourite songs on my mp3 player and plugin and relax.I take short walks in our community park with my toddler both during morning and evening.
I invite friends for a cup of tea in the afternoon .Sometimes my hubby does help but i dont look forward to that.Whatever he does will be a 'bonus' for me.

If i can do, you too can.Its not a rocket science dear!!!
Life is too precious, why should we always let hubbies enjoy and we sulk. Comeon lets find some innovative ways to keep ourselves happy.Learn to be a bit selfish and steal some quality time for yourself.
Lazy husbands are the inspiration for active housewives!!
Cheerup

Hope this helps,
vani

Originally Posted by happywoman

I think all men are from the same school.:)
Lazy husbands are the inspiration for active housewives!!

Well-said, Vani! I agree with u.

Hari om renu
i understand whatyou are going through with a baby around and a lazy hubby. lots of insights and tips given by kavya, sandhya, vani and others. i agree that it is diffi to change some people's habits. but like everyone else says, just keep faith. i am sure you would fine ways to take care of the baby. Give yourself time. gradually make ur husband independent. he might rebel initially. stick to your stand. with time, he may understand your value and come around.

Take care and keep faith. i am sure things will work well for u.

One more suggestion to the long list of great advises.

Hire cleaning services atleast once in 2-weeks and let him pay for it. Don't think of this as a luxury or expense. Think of it as working towards your physical and mental well-being which is more important. You will have a clean house for a while without sweating and time for you and baby to either relax or enjoy together!

If he argues about it, tell him he can do it and you will stop the cleaning service. Usually men pay attention when it comes to money.

Dear Renu

I totally agree with KrutikaRao. Apart from implementing the other good suggestions you should also hire outside help for cleaning at least. Talk to your husband and get it done. What is the use of money if it cannot bring relief to us.

Regards.

Hi Renu,

I exactly know how it feels, because my sister is also married to such a guy who does nothing but wants everything spick and span. This is what I advised my sister, probably it might help you too. You would have to make an effort to make your husband realize that what you do whole day long is quite overwhelming.
In a very polite way you can tell him daily that how much you would appreciate if he helped you in some of the chores. Cheer him, for every small help that he offers. Tell him that you really get tired by taking care of the baby and the house chores and that you want his help more than ever. You have to talk to him politely almost every day to see some changes. A lot of Indian men are like this, pampered and spoiled. They are not used to getting their hands dirty with the house hold chores. Changing this attitude isn't easy, nonetheless can be bettered.

Originally Posted by Renu1999

Hi ,
This is the first thread to this forum. I read all the post regularly. since I am very poor in writing I was a silent reader.I really enjoy this forum especially one related to family and relationship. I am very poor in dealing with people.

I used to work for a company for 1 year and now i delivered my baby boy and staying at home. Iam married for 4 years now. I moved to US right after marriage. My husband is very lazy in doing house hold chores he takes for ever to clean just 5 vessels. So Iam used to do all housework cooking, cleaning house ,doing laundry etc etc...
Now my baby boy is so hyper active and Iam overwhelmed by the house work. He is not willing to change any of his habit. He wakes up at 9 in the morning. goes to work at 11.30 coming back late at night and goes to sleep at 11.00. I end up with doing breakfast and lunch in the morning and taking care of baby. and in the evening same taking care of baby and fixing lunch. Iam so exhausted by this work. I tried to change his habit nothing seems to work out. Please help me to change his habits.

Originally Posted by happywoman

I think all men are from the same school.:)When they have intelligent wives around( collars up ) they tend to become lazy.
Life is too precious, why should we always let hubbies enjoy and we sulk. Comeon lets find some innovative ways to keep ourselves happy.Learn to be a bit selfish and steal some quality time for yourself.
Lazy husbands are the inspiration for active housewives!!

Very well put Ms. Vani.

Reenu,

While looking around the web, I found this in about.com:
"The Lazy Husband"

How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework -by Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Publisher is St. Martin's Press.

Types of Lazy Husbands:

Boy-Husband: "This husband wants to be taken care of and pretends to be incompetent around the house." He can be one more child to take care of.

Perfectionist Husband: "This husband wants the house and the kids to be perfect but doesn't want to do the work himself."
The Angry Husband: "This husband keeps his wife at bay with his irritability, anger, or intimidation." These husbands needs to experience the natural consequences of their decisions or lack of responsibility. Quit covering for him. Quit accepting their excuses. If you think your husband could have ADD, suggest that he contact his doctor for medication and treatment.


One suggestion for coping with a lazy husband is to eliminate some of the chores around the house such as:

• Simplify meals.

• Clean your house less frequently and less thoroughly.

• Don't bathe the kids every single day.

• Encourage your kids to do more chores, too.

Bottom Line

Any wife who wants to have her husband share in the responsibility of taking care of their home needs to assert herself, communicate clearly with her husband, and work with him to create a united, planned approach to getting chores done. Any man who is interested in having a healthy relationship with his wife will take the time to read this book with her.

Maybe, all wives of lazy husbands, should get a hold of this book & give it a try.... ALL THE BEST!

Reenu - Do let us know when he begins to change!

Excellent find JustAni.
Many of my friends will receive this for their next BDays! :)