An advise......for my cousin

Hi everyone,

This is for my cousin who is very dear to me. She has an unique problem, which I have never heard of nor read about it here in IL. When she informed me about it, i was a bit confused. Please anyone who can advise on this, i would like to help her.

My cousin is in India. She is married for 3 years and have a 2 year old kid. Her's was a love marriage. She always noticed that once the sex is over, her DH would turn his head the other side and would immediately fall asleep, which I found was quite normal. But after their son was born, she found a lot of difference in her DH attitude towards her. Like he would always insist that the child sleep in between them. They have a single BIG bedroom but they have decorated it into two, one side for the kid and the other side for them. Once the child is asleep she always prefers him to be kept in his bed, but her DH would insist that he sleeps between them, saying that he will be afraid in the night. But the night he is in mood for sex, he will convice the child to sleep in his own bed saying that he is a big boy and he shouldnt be afraid, and that his dad will come immediately when he calls for him.

She is really confused about this dual attitude. It seems like he only needs her for sex and once that is over, she doesnt exist. I asked her how is his behavior towards her, she says that there is no longer loving talks between them, only talks about kid, food, his job and likewise. I asked her to check on her hygiene or snoring problem if she has any, she said she doesnt have any. I asked her to send her son for couple of days to her mother's house, but her husband flatly refuses, saying that he needs to see his son, when he gets back from work. I tried explaining to her to speak to him openly, but she says that she has tried many times but her DH finds them silly accusations.

Can anyone advise ........what could be the problem here???? She seems to be getting depressed.

Dear Girl ,

Yes its kind of strange but true ! Men lose interest in women the moment they have an extra flab or they have a sag / puff on the face .. But even if they have a long face to wash by losing all hair on their head and get a belly which they try best to push under their leather belt they look stunning for ever :rolleyes:!! Not all the men but yes some are like this ! Maybe she could go for a make over.. change her hairstyle, change her wardrobe, lose some weight, start other activities instead of concentrating on him for sometime !! She could make conversations about what she likes and initially tell her its going to be hard when he snubs her !! Tell her to spend lotts of time with friends because we hardly have time to brod then !! She could plan in re - grooming herself and dont show up that she misses his touch while sleeping. The more she expects the more he will turn away ! Ask her to stop expecting for sometime and deviate totally from him and concentrate on her . It will be fine in sometime I suppose ! Take care !!

Hi,

After having a child it is very normal for a couple to go through a tremendous change in their relationship. For many couples most of their conversation would just center around the child. Sometimes one of the partners, mostly men, start resenting the fact that all the attention is only devoted to the child. Breastfeeding and all the hormonal change hugely influence sex drive.

Your cousin is missing the intimacy in their married life. First her husband needs to understand your cousins perspective. Has she had a straight forward talk with her husband? They need to start doing activities that they enjoyed doing earlier like going for a movie, hiking etc.

Thanks,
Kavya.