Pls help

Thats really strange and painful. But I agree with Kavya, your sudden walking out is not the option. You should have first made sure that your husband has some friend with him to take care of him. Leaving people alone in such mental condition is not good. Its very irresponsible. You should have made sure that both of you stay together with some frend's family for sometime, till things get to normal shape. And then start counselling. This is simple case of egotism turning to threatening turning to actual mania. I am sure your husband had no clue about it either. People when faced with sudden change react rather differently.
Evenif you choose to move out on this guy, doing it in healthy way will be better for you. As you will not have haunting memories. I would suggest you taking along your mom and getting back to US. Try to make sure you two are never alone and never havign access to self-damaging equipments.

Such issues can never be dealt with fear and running away. One needs to face them head on and help other person in pain too. Thats what humanity says. Marriage or no marriage are much later clauses than being human. Leaving him alone is almost like leaving a sick person alone. At least make sure someone from his family is aware of his condition and they visit him.

Ria

Letmelive, I agree with some of the comments, you shouldn't have left in a hurry. When your husband started huritng himself, the best thing to do would have been to call 911. He would have gotten medical attention and also would have had some explaining to do for his actions. Also, since he was acting suicidal (maybe just trying to scare you), it would have gone on records.

Now, personally, I wouldn't suggest you go back to him, even with your mom. He's a hurt man now, and judging from his previous actions, he's immature and can be dangerous. Your safety should be your topmost concern at this point, and bringing your mom into this unsafe situation will not be very responsible either. I would suggest you call some of his friends and family in US and explain the situation. Maybe they will keep an eye out on him. He definitely needs help, but you don't have to risk your life and sanity for that. He wants to have a hold on you so he's making you feel guilty and trying to make you feel bad by his actions, don't let him do that. He is not your problem, since he never treated you anything more than a doormat anyway. Don't make him turn you into an emotionally battered woman. But do inform somebody about his state of mind.

Raj

Thanks for your suggestions..I left to india on 3rd day after the incident..My husband was quite normal and back to work from the next morning..I watched him for 3 days and when he was normal,i decided to leave..The more i stay with him,the more i will be back into his life and won't be able to come out.I always loved him but somehow he never reciprocated and treated me badly. This time my parents were adamant that they would decide the next step for me as i always made wrong decisions in the past 4 years . I am an emotional person and was cleverly manipulated by him.He talks very sweetly when he needs to get my signature on a loan or give him my money for buying a property on his name..He will do anything to get his work done...
Also, my brother called him after i left and spoke for a long time explaining the situation i was in and we both needed a break for which he agreed. We just have 2 friends who are close and who knew our problems. One of them agreed to watch over him and he keeps sending me an email about his condition. He is fine and back to normal..he is definitely upset that i left without telling him..
anyways, not always can i be an ideal person..as i was abused and mentally tortured for a long time,i lost self respect and self confidence..now i cannot even bear somebody screaming at me..i will breakdown to tears..i did feel bad about leaving him so soon after the incident but i had to listen to my parents as they are the only support. My husband never stood for me and always seperated me from my family and friends..He never used to let me go for office get togethers or anything from my office but made sure that we participate in all events from his office..
somehow after my marriage i lost touch with most of my friends and was always unhappy..
anyways..even now am worried about him even after going through such torture..am not in a state to think about my future..i have left it to my parents and siblings to decide for me..

Thanks..

Letmelive

I personally feel that yes as a wife you did take the requierd action and steps and when you saw that he is back to normal you had left to India....which is good...and my suggestion would be stop thinking that you are living separated or whether you would get back together or not...all these will be decided in future...take each day as it comes...first of all try to pick up the pieces of you....stop feeling like a victim...atleast now with gods grace you are out of the situation..so think you are on a vacation in India....

start going for any yoga classes or gym some physical exercise will release feel good hormones..

eat good nourishing food....empty stomachs always makes the brain worry more...

start going to parlours and get good facials and massages if possible...think when you get back with your husband (incase if you want to....you should look and feel good both from inside and outside...if you dont want to think about him..atleast you can look presentable and care for yourself..)

list out the things you want to do now in India...like a job or taking any classes to improve your skill set..are you on EAD or GC or H1? if you plan to come back to US (if not to your husbands place atleast to some other place and work and stand up independently...) if you want to stay back in India start working atleast you can plan....

plan how can you secure your future both financially and emotionally...financially above thing will help you....emotionally am sure this distance of few weeks or months will help both of you...

I suggest you too try to go to a counsellor or therapist in India...as you can talk to them openly and pour out all the things in your brain...(as sometimes you may wonder whether you can tell soemthing to your parents or not..and sometimes these counsellors without being judgemental will help you realise where is the problem and will lead you to those paths where you can think of regaining the lost self respect and self confidence....

see what are your parents plans discuss with them what are their thoughts..really when we are in some situation both physically and emotionally we cant think through clearly as we are totally engrossed in it..but when a third person or an outsider looks at it..they just know what exactly needs to be done in teh situation as they can think with clear mind..with out any emotional attachments.....and in this case its your parents and brother am sure they would always want the best for you....

if you and your parents are planning to talk to your inlaws ...ensure that your husband goes to some counselling classes and therapy sessions before you really join him....frankly speaking I too feel that he is just doing all those things to get attention from you....to get sympathy...today this was a small incident what if tomorrow he feels worse and it turns to you..god forbid such thing should never happen....

no one can help us..if we dont help ourselves..so stand up and start taking your life in to your own hands..and you always have your families support which is very good...stop thinking about your husband atleast for the next few weeks .....he is not a baby he can very well take care of himself...and even your friends are also keeping you informed about him..so that is enough..

also let your inlaws know about the whole incident before it is too late..let them talk to their son...and let them decide as to what is good for their son....

and never loose hope...hope is what keeps everyone going...put your effort in the right direction and leave it there....am sure it always works out in a way that is good for us...good luck and cheer up...and post some nice things next time whenever you are feeling comfortable...

[quote=Letmelive77;364721]i did feel bad about leaving him so soon after the incident but i had to listen to my parents as they are the only support. quote]

Makes sense now, Letmelive. Now that you are with your parents and brother, they should help you out with your future decisions. Good luck!

Raj

Hi Letmelive77,

I understand that you need a break. It is good that your friend is keeping an eye on your husband. You had mentioned that while walking away from your friend's apartment your husband collapsed on the road. That is a red flag. I don't think it is easy to fake something like that. That is why I feel that he is not just black mailing you. It is best to seek professional help. I think it is a good idea to get a complete physical checkup done.

Your husband does not seem to be emotionally stable. If he makes another stupid decision it can adversely affect you because you are still legally his wife. You will be the first person who will be contacted by the law. I feel that you need to take up more responsibility and not depend on your family to make decisions for you. We all do face problems in life but we need to learn to surmount them. Ultimately if you do decide to exit the marriage do it gracefully and don't leave with haunted memories. Good luck.

Regards,
Kavya.

Originally Posted by Letmelive77

Thanks for your suggestions..I left to india on 3rd day after the incident..My husband was quite normal and back to work from the next morning..I watched him for 3 days and when he was normal,i decided to leave..The more i stay with him,the more i will be back into his life and won't be able to come out.I always loved him but somehow he never reciprocated and treated me badly. This time my parents were adamant that they would decide the next step for me as i always made wrong decisions in the past 4 years . I am an emotional person and was cleverly manipulated by him.He talks very sweetly when he needs to get my signature on a loan or give him my money for buying a property on his name..He will do anything to get his work done...
Also, my brother called him after i left and spoke for a long time explaining the situation i was in and we both needed a break for which he agreed. We just have 2 friends who are close and who knew our problems. One of them agreed to watch over him and he keeps sending me an email about his condition. He is fine and back to normal..he is definitely upset that i left without telling him..
anyways, not always can i be an ideal person..as i was abused and mentally tortured for a long time,i lost self respect and self confidence..now i cannot even bear somebody screaming at me..i will breakdown to tears..i did feel bad about leaving him so soon after the incident but i had to listen to my parents as they are the only support. My husband never stood for me and always seperated me from my family and friends..He never used to let me go for office get togethers or anything from my office but made sure that we participate in all events from his office..
somehow after my marriage i lost touch with most of my friends and was always unhappy..
anyways..even now am worried about him even after going through such torture..am not in a state to think about my future..i have left it to my parents and siblings to decide for me..

Thanks..