What husbands feel

Hi Ladies,


We always talk about ourselves, our problems and we keep complaining about our husbands, InLaws,etc.

And we r all happy that we have found Indusladies to share our feelings or else other forums.

But what about a man ?

What does he do ? what must be going thru in his mind when he fights or he doesn't likes something which his wife does. But still keeps quite.

Do they share their feelings with colleagues ? or friends ?


This not about everyone And the complaints don't mean the serious ones just silly things like for example :

he didn't tell that he is not gonna come for lunch or he always watches TV,etc.

What do u think about it ?

I am just curious to know.

Thanks
Megh.

Megh
Nice to see that some one finally raised this point. I tried to initiate this discussion but again took a step back to read and understand what women are going through these days...and was wondering whether the topic you raised today will ever comeup...and YES finally that topic has come up...
I would surely like to see what women think on the points you mentioned above..they might be the silliest to the serious most...
and also ladies...please put in your thoughts as to what is a husband supposed to feel or think when they go through the posts here..about what women are talking about their inlaws or husbands ...how are husbands supposed to take these posts? and I wonder sometimes if my wife is also a member of these..she knows that I am a member here..but I never asked her whether she is a member as I dont want to make her feel that I am going to judge her based on her posts or responses here...

Hi Megh,

I am really surprised to know about your curiousity as to how men would feel on all the issues described by our ladies in this forum.

First of all, for most of the problems faced by our dear friends, MEN (to be precise HUSBANDs) are the reason. If only Men are sensible, fair minded and handle things in a responsible way, women won't be troubled to this extent to pour their hearts out in a public forum seeking solace/suggestions/advise/relief etc.,

Just to quote one simple example, when a wife (a full time employed one) is pregnent with 7 weeks/months, a husband expects her to cook, clean,take care of his healthy (not sick or bedridden) parents without pitching in to help her in anyway...or asking his parent to be considerate towards his wife, given her status as a pregnent woman.
Now, how sensible is this guy according to you. On the top of this, the same husband expects perfection in everything and yelling and screaming at his wife if things are not in order. Is this a loving/responsible guy? Does he have a care about his own baby in the wife's womb? Well, our dear Ilites discuss issues only when it is beyond their control to handle by themselves.

To quote another example of the financial irresponsibility of MEN/Husbands, there are many of our ladies have expressed how their husbands spend extraordinarily towards their parents/siblings etc , but when it comes to wife and kids, how they calculate even pennies. In my opinion, there is obligation to care for oldage parents, but there is also the responsibility to provide for wife and kids. How many men realize this in the initial stages of marriage. It is women who have to fight hard to make men to understand the importance of saving for themselves and for kids.

Like this, the list goes on and never ending. With all the listings, why do anyone care how men would feel. They are the CREATORS of most of these problems and unless they change and behave in a sensible way, nothing is going to change in women's lives.

Well, in a nutshell, men and women are not made of same material, so men won't have the same kind of senitivities as women, physically too men don't bear children and so no harmonal havocs, emotionally men are never known to be very weak as they always get support from spouses/everybody around whether they love them or not.

Again, I understand that there are exceptions. Nowadays some men are treated badly by women and they have started forming group like this to support/share/get advise/suggestions like what we achieve thro our IL forum. It is probably needed for them too.

By the way, this forum is for women only predominantly, so we just don't care how men would feel/react/think.

If a man reads all the troubles/issues faced by women, then if he is a truly decent human being, atleast he would change for better by treating his women in a respectable, loving manner.

I guess that explains how I feel about your curiousity

Regards,
GPriya

Hi Meghan,

Very pertinent questions.

I have read a few of the discussions here. The first thing that I feel is one of empathy. What all does a women have to go through. I had no clue that men like these exist. It's pretty eye-opening.

For sure, my wife does some things that I don't like. And, I do some things that she doesn't like. No. I don't share these with any of my friends, even though I have some pretty close ones. My wife is just too important to give up like that for those petty things. But at the end of the day, 100% unison in everything is pretty boring.

I tend to think a lot more about solutions that can be implemented over time that will make her (and hence me) happy. Getting worked up over symptoms is useless.

Gpriya, you really do have a problem with men. Don't you? Some pretty sweeping statements there..

Hi Meghan,

Members like Capricorn and Ravikant have given you a great male perspective on how they cope with this...let me just add to it...

I think men in general do not talk much about their emotions and feelings...like we women do..:) it is not because they don't feel as much...it just is very hard for them to talk about it...

On some level it is easier for us women to share emotional relationship stuff and do our bonding on that level...for most men, it is difficult if not downright impossible...so that's what I think...

btw Ravikant: I'm impressed with your posts...you've been able to give a much needed perspective to a couple of discussions here and I hope you contribute even more...you seem to have a very sensible and mature way of writing and it enriches the threads very much...:)

Regards,
Aarushi

To see this question as a MAN/WOMAN thing... I guess one has to see it individually.

Will a man be upset over certain things? Ofcourse yes.
Will a man be discussing or venting out like women here? yeah ;)

Its not if its a man or woman. Its about that person.

If there are channels whether its some sort of forum like Indusladies or internet friends or close friends or whoever they feel close too and want to talk too, if they want to do it.. yes they will..

There are only 2 set of category here:

A set would do as I explained above. Talk, discuss vent out their feelings and find out solutions whatever way they can.

Another, keep loading everything in their heart, figuring out the way themselves.

Hi,

As everybody has pointed out, I do agree that men are very poor in expressing their emotions compared to women. If there is a problem, we really have to pull out words from their mouth to understand whats wrong. But I guess thats how they are and most of the women can cope up with this problem by figuring out a way to understand what their man wants.

But here is my two cents on the problems GPriya has stated. No offense to anyone. I feel its mostly to do with how different boys and girls are brought up, particularly in india.

1. Girls are always expected to help their moms in the kitchen. How many boys even know where rice or wheat flour is in the kitchen ? So how will they get the instinct to help their wives in the kitchen all of a sudden as soon as they get married ?

2. Girls are always expected to help keep the house clean and tidy which most of the times incude cleaning their brothers rooms. Have we heard of brothers cleaning up sisters rooms daily ? So how can we expect them to be tidy cats and become cleanliness-conscious as soon as they start their married life ?

3. Coming to parents, girls are always expected to adjust with their in-laws no matter what. I have seen extreme cases where the girl and her parents were publicly humiliated. On the other hand, the son-in-law is treated with utmost respect by the girl's entire family irrespective of how good or bad he is. This being the case, how can it be cruel for a man to expect his wife to wait on his parents hand and foot even if they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

I can go on and on like this. But ladies, I am sure you get the point here. So this was the way our society was and still is in most of the parts.

Having said that, I feel that the huge responsiblity to change this trend and make guys more understanding is on the ladies here who have sons (including me). Please do the following to make them better men who can understand a women:

1. Make them share your work in the kitchen. If not all, atleast some part.
2. Teach them to take care of themselves, like cleaning their room by themselves, taking care of their clothes etc.
3. Make them help in household chores, even simple ones.
4. Please, please when they become old enough, ask them to treat their in-laws right.

All this is my humble opinion which comes from my personal experience. Again no offense to anyone.

Hi dear

Men in general have lot of outlets, they take their stress out by partying with friends, have a fag, booze around and all that stuff, they really dont keep thinking on the issues as we do, they generally dont give it much importance.

Ladies are generally sensitive and we relax ourselves more by discussing out to others.

I dont say all men party out their stress, there are few who tend to take a vacation out with their family, try to mend things the smoother way

Thanks
LAvanya

Good Question, A lot goes through men's life after they get married. But i think women goes through more than anything, men have their mom and dad to take care of them and back him if something happends. for women we have move into a new family and accept. for men they make have to make no change.... i accept that for men it's hard to chose between the wife and mom.... my husband gets emotional when i tell him how his famly is and how they are treating me.and i prove to him and he tell me just go on with life. parents are old it's very difficult for them to change..

anyways i understand lot goes through men's mind but they also should understand what we go through, we girls leave our family and make every effort to take care of the husband's family and what do we get, more responsibilites... anyways i had few bad experiences so i think we girls have lot on mind than men. and girls go through a lot...........

Hi,

As far as I have seen most men never vent out their hard feelings even to their near and dear ones but they wish to share their happy moments.

Guess their ego stops them / they might loose their reputation.