How to improve relations with husband

HI All,
There are many of us who doesn't have good relationship with our husband. Its either because of interfearing ILs or coz of the MIl giving wrong direction to DH. I would like to know the views.........how we can chage and what we can do to improve our relationship with our DH?

Hi, you are absoultely right our relationship wth our husb, is affected a great deal when we have interfering il's. At first it was because husb is stuck in the middle between me and his parents, Now that this has been going on for YEARS, husb, always thinks i am wrong, it doesn;t matter the situation,automatically i must have done/said something to provoke is family. He does think that our marriage probs are because of me, (they have;t done anything wrong), yesterday he told me that i'm not willing to learn anything new from his family so he doen;t think that i;m trying to be a good wife. i know that it;s his mother who is putting these thoughts in his head. To try to improve my relationship with my husb, i dont complain about his family to him. i come this webstire, and talk to my friends/family, because this is all i can do. Alot of these iltes tell us not to take to heart/forget aboput issues, which is very hard, but it;s really the truth and it;s up to us (women) to actually save our marriages. Sometimes i feel like this marriage is not worth saving, but other times i look at my kids and say Yes it is. i hope this helps you.
sashie

I think there are many things that can be listed as steps to improving relationship between husband and wife. But I will only list one thing which I have found extremely essential and that most of us (at least I used to) sorely lack.

The one very hard to find trait is that both parties acknowledge each others issues honestly and without bias.

It is human to have problems with people (and they could be people from his side of the family). Similarly he may not like some of the things from your side of the family. As adults we must try to see the spouse's point and understand that he may genuinely not like some of the things that we don’t even think about because it is our parents or siblings. He also must do the same in return when we have a problem with his family. But someone has to take the first step. And usually it is us. Because we are the ones who are emotionally more tuned to people’s needs.

Once you acknowledge the other person’s issues then they see you as someone they can open up to. Then you can together discuss how to alleviate the impact of that issue for that person.

With issues about parents and siblings you cannot break relationship or stop interacting just because you don’t like a few things about them but you can surely try to avoid such situations for the person. If you see that your spouse gets troubled with a particular habit of your parents for example you can try to minimize his exposure to that habit so he gets less frustrated that he HAS to put up with everything. He now sees you as a person who is on his side too and who understands his needs and does not make him feel like a bad person if he talks about his issues. Plus his patience does not run out.

I have found this very helpful in building and re-building relationships (especially with the spouse). Usually men want us to like (read put up with) most if the things about their family. But if we give them some leeway in expressing his concerns about our family no matter how small or big the issue may be then it goes a long way in getting the same treatment in return when we expect it.

Tried to look at the issue minus the emotional attachment and curb the natural defense mechanism that is likely to come up when someone is pointing stuff about your parents or siblings. Sometimes there will be no solution to the problem but knowing that your spouse realizes your issue will be enough for the hubby to give in and adjust willingly.

It makes a world of a difference.... talking from personal experience.
SS