Let's acknowledge the lack of negatives in the man/men in our lives!

Sally first of all THANK YOU for starting this thread. :thumbsup
I have seen such sweeping generalizations of men in this forum that
it made me want to literally scream. :rant.Some of the popular myths floating are ..men are insensitive wouldnt know romance if it hit them on their head,most have no clue how to convey feelings, most watch ****, Sex THE most imp or only thing
on their mind ,love to ogle at other women, most are mamas boys and on and on Each and every one of them couldnt be further from truth in all the men I have been blessed to have in my life.

Let me start with my father whom I love more than life itself. He is about as gentle as gentle gets. Wouldnt hurt an ant.. literally..walks with a thundu (towel) and pushes the small insects out of the way . At a time when women were expected to pull all the load in the house..my dad changed rules. He got up early with amma (she is a stay at home mom) ,cut vegetables,helped to get us all ready in the morning (would tie my pig tails too) ,
came home helped us with HW...told us stories ..tucked me and bro in bed. Now after his kids grew up and left home he still loves helping and talking to mom every waking minute. Not once do I remember him raising his voice against us or amma.
Every decision was mutual ..not once did he throw his weight around just because he was a man. He never treated me diff from my brother. We had the exact same opportunities and exposure. He always encouraged me to push my limits. Inspite of increasing pressure from family never did he raise the
topicof my marriage until I was ready. I am who I am today only because of my parents.

Then my brother ..my dearest friend. A product of the newer generation..he was raised from day one that other than physical differences men and women are equal in every other respect . He is very soft spoken ,excellent cook and holds women in highest regard.I dont think he has ever raised his voice let alone been violent. We share some of our deepest fears and joys and I have found him to be very sensitive and articulate.

Now my dear Husband .. a man of great depth and one any woman will be proud to call her husband .
He is a teetotaller .Clean as a whistle . Between the two of us he is more
romantic and better at expressing his affection. Adores his children...Either he is @ work or he is with family. Not once has he felt the need to go out with his friends alone. (ironically he encourages me to go out with my friends and I do it too)
Between the two..he is more artistically inclined and has finer tastes.I have not once in all these years seen him violent.
For all the gentleness he is also a man with a core of steel. Has very high moral standards for himself and others and would never change or bend for anyone or anything. He has never supported either me or his parents blindly. He has always stood for what is correct. The main reason why me and PIL have a wonderful relation is because we both know he will not tolerate anyone being victimised for any reason.
He never differentiates between my parents and his.Whenever he talks its about all of us living together.
NO he does not look at every pretty little thing in skirt that walks by and neither does he watch ****. Not once has he commented on my weight /height or looks. His only coment when I do dress up or ask him what to wear for a party
"U look pretty in any dress" .
Pulls a lot of domestic load at home.He cooks ,cleans, organizes and at times is my handy man too. There is no chore that he does not do and everything that he does he usually does better than me .
I can just go on and on..but let me
just stop here to say between me and him he is a better human being.
To all other women out there ...please do not be biased. Take time to understand ur husbands . Each person is unique .There are a lot of good men out there ..yes a few are morons ..but then so are a few women!

 

JAG, lovely post dear.

Sally, nice, thoughtful thread. I too would first like to talk of my dad who passed away 7 years ago. He would have been 87 years old had been alive. He was as straight, simple and down-to-earth as they come. Did not utter a harsh word to anybody. Was always satisfied with what he had and was one of those people who lived our philosophy of contentment with life and being a happy person from inside. He was a very religious person as well as very spirtual, but never ever imposed it on us (his two daughters). All that was expected of us was to be upright and honest. Both of us were given full independence to study as much as we chose to, and never were we told that we could not do something because we were girls. It is quite singular that he allowed his 19 year old daughter to venture out of home for the first time and allowed her to go to France on a scholarship. I am talking of the early '70s. His pride in her was so evident. You could see it in his eyes. I was allowed to do the same - though I was not 19. The only condition was that if we wanted to study abroad, it would have to be through our own efforts - we would have to get a scholarship and he could not contribute to it. That was one lesson in self-reliance. He brought me up telling me what to do when I was younger. Soon enough I wanted to assert my independence, which he did not deny me. But when I then approached him for his opinion in important matters concerning my life like getting married, or going abroad as against continuing in my Ph.D in India (I was already on a programme), he never gave me an answer. He said, you are grown up, you are independent, now it is your turn to make your own independent decisions. At a stage where I still thought in terms of "right" and "wrong" decisions, he taught me the hard way, that some decisions cannot be judged except in retrospect. And I had to make my decisions and take the responsibility for it. I really take my hats off to a man of that generation who could think in this way and have the confidence in his daughters to let them free.

As for DH, he is as ramrod straight as they come, is a teetotaller, doesn't smoke and we have absolute confidence in each other. There is not even an element of a suspicion ever that either of us could go astray. I have never had to even think in that direction. His time is spent at work, and the rest is at home or at his mother's place. He is an extreme gentle and sensitive person. He is not chauvinistic and consults me in any major decisions that he plans to undertake. he is not one to stop me from doing my thing and the best thing about my marriage (something which made me so scared of getting into a relationship till actually gathered my guts to take the plunge), is that he has not made any attempt to change me ever. He accepts me as I am, and I am able to look into a mirror and recognize myself as I have always been. The alternative is petrifying for me to think of. He may not be overtly romantic but does spoil me from time to time and his only peeve is that I don't do enough (according to him) to keep my weight down (more for health than cosmetic reasons). As a person, he is definitely more accepting and less critical than me. He has never come in the way of my relationship with my parents. In fact my mom has been with me for the last year and a half and he is perfectly happy about it. We might have our differences, but in matters of basic, core values, we stand together. And that is what is most important to me.

Therefore I would say it takes all sorts to make the world and while there are many creeps around us, there are also an equal number of perfectly fine men around. And thank God for that.

 

Sally,

:cheers Excellent topic! JAG and Sat have made it even more excellent by their beautiful posts as usual. :thumbsup

If I have to say it in a nutshell, my DH is owner's pride and neighbor's wish (I would not say envy.. that sounds like degrading my fellow gals. .. ) Since I have talked about my DH a lot and lot in my previous threads, let me spare you folks.. :biglaugh

I hope to see more positive posters glorifying the men in their world..
Men deserve more credit than they get now. (alrite.. make it 'most men'.:rotfl. )

And I must say Sally, This is a great effort to paint a balanced picture of men :thumbsup Appreciate it. To me this is a perfect thread for finest post nomination. :cheers

 

About my DH we had our share of arguments, it did take some time to adjust and compromise, helped me pursue my dreams and goals, took care of our daughter like single dad during research fellowship when I was out of town for a year, he does most of the cooking and taking care of our daughter, he might have sacrificed his promotions etc for my advancement as they demanded more time at work. Our daughter does not know the difference between mans and womans responsibilities. If we in tight spot and I am on call he takes off from work since I cannot. He hates and does not accompany to shopping, we do not go out to eat or watch movies etc. He expects me to watch all games from baseball to American football, i am not a big sports fanl. Boys night out may be once in 3 years.

 

I am not sure about others but things like living arrangements, inlaws, working or studying after marriage, need to be worked out before wedding so that couples do not have disagreements later. During early days and months of marital life, try to be ourself, not going out of our way and over do things at home, so that both of you know what to expect in life. laziness, verbal or physical abuse need to stopped at first instance instead of waiting for a change. Get men used to taking care of domestic and child care right from beginning, trust them they can be more responsible than us, if not eventually we get frustrated and end up in fighting.