Equality of husband and wife - what exactly does it mean?

Good topic Spidey
clapclap

very glad to note that you have started this thread to have an open, unbiased discussion, to speak freely, and also good that you welcome all of our suggestions .

Will come later with my views :thumbsup

 

To me equality means being considerate of my better half. There are a few things I am not good at, like handyman work around the home but DH is good in that. So, he does most of the work around the home like window treatments, paint etc. For example, our basement is unfinished, and we are slowly doing it at our own pace; so since an year or so he has been slowly working on it.
I am good in cooking; so when I am cooking he is usually in the basement doing work. I do the laundry, dishes etc while he helps cut the veggies or simply sit on the kitchen counter and talk.

When it comes to finances, we both have different accounts and both have access to both accounts.

With so much help itself I feel exhausted at the end of day...

Not sure what else equality means to me.

 

to me equality means not being considered the 'weaker' sex in any sense.

to me equality means not terming it 'helping' or a 'favor' when either he or i do monotonous things around 'our' house that makes 'our' combined life easier.

to me equality means taking equal responsibility towards making this relationship work. not one person being unreasonable and expecting the other person to adjust/compromise all the time.

to me equality means having the same set of rules to adhere to both for me and him. not one set for him cos he is 'male' and 'he is meant to be like that' and another set for me.

 

When does the question of equality even arise? I guess when there is injustice done to other spouse or when ego plays a big role between the spouses.

I may get bashed up for this :hide:, but I believe a man and a woman are not created equal. This does not mean a man can do injustice to a woman or treat her like slave.
There is difference between the roles of a man and woman in the society. These roles should help them submit to one another. Each of them need to know their responsibilities to one another.

Man and woman when created have their primary responsibilities to fulfill, like Man protecting and providing to his wife and family and woman giving birth, nurturing her children and loving her husband.

In good olden days this was how it used to be that a man runs his family financially and woman keeps the environment at her home pleasant. But in current world, there are families where both men and women have to work to run their family. I think in current world the roles of husband and wife is compared to a bullock cart. The cart goes smoothly as long as the weight is shared equally between two bullocks on either side. If one bullock becomes lazy or does not want to carry any weight then the cart gets dismantled.

It's not a rule that a man has to run his family and a woman has to nurture her children. It's their primary responsibility. But to switch the roles is completely dependent on the two of them, as long as they can pull the cart smoothly.

But in my opinion when there is love and respect between a man and woman, the question of equality does not raise.

 

Excellant thread Spidey!!! I love such open topics and discussions. I could learn so much here. Thank you.

Going along with Aarchana's excellant answer, I would say equality between the man and woman have to be only decided by them. It is not something that can be perceived or understood correctly by outsiders (even the closest of friends and family). In some generations/cultures/families, equality is based on amount of work done; in another it is mostly about the weight of thier opinions; yet in some others it is about the money that each bring in. We cannot categorically state that our generation has more equality in marriages than in previous generations' or in other cultures. We simply do not know and cannot go by our own standards of equality.

That being said:
In my example, DH and I are agreement that we are equal. For us equality is both of us having and exercising equal rights in choosing to do what we each want to do and are good at. He chooses to work outside the home and provide financial support for our family. I choose to stay at home, take care of our son, cook and supervise the cleaning lady etc. We do different things because we are good at different things. DH is good in finance but can't cook. I am good at cooking but can't do finance.

I like being feminine and smaller than DH. I like it that I can't carry all of my heavy suitcase and fix the drain in our sink. I know DH likes it that he is handy, good with a wrench and drill, and that he can carry in all the groceries from the car in one go. I like it that I can make a 5 course meal in 2 hours and DH can only boil water.

The thing is I consider us to be equal because of all of that - not inspite of it.

 

I always believed that I need to work to be independant and have been working towards it. My husband is a sucker for equality. He believes that one should never say "I cant". So he cooks food,cleans the house and expects me to do what he does like sorting the bills, calling the repair man to do odd jobs,helping while hanging the frames and anything else that he can think of.(I remembered that I painted the garage door all by myself!!) I had equality of sexes in my mind...but this concept of doing all that you can do was something new to me. I think,this is much needed for reasons I dont want to mention. So for me and my husband,equality is sharing any and every work load together.

 

A much needed thread Spidey :thumbsup
I am completely in Sync with Archana and DNM(as usual )
To add my own perspective. To me equality is the freedom to choose how I wish to live without treading on someone elses.
I and my DH are very very similar in many ways. We are both professionals,passionate about what we do,both love to cook ,love kids ,both are pathetic at finances, and really other than bearing kids there is nothing I can do that he cannot do today. However this was not something that I learnt in a day or a month ..it took years. Part of it was because I had this stereotyped role of a man in my head ..man == not an efficient caretaker at home and or of children and or a poor cook. Then my responsibilities at work grew . Had to delegate cooking to him once in a while. He learnt and slowly mastered it .Then I had to travel . It was heart wrenching to leave kids .But each time I went ..I found that the boys were not only well taken care of ..the house was in perfect order when I got back, I started letting go of this feeling..men can do only this or cannot do this. May be they don't do it because we don't give them a chance. 50 years ago women didnt hold a job outside home..they were thought of as not being capable of doing so .Arent they now? Atleast a few . What changed? Opportunities ..freedom. The ability to choose.
May be given the same freedom men would take care of children too and some might actually prefer to stay home to take care of the kids .
Today my DH is tired of work.... literally. . He wants to go back to academics .To school. Yes after all these years. And I am proud to say he has the choice. He can go back without worrying about mortgage or childcare .He can take a break just as I can- should I feel like it at some point in my life.That to me is equality. I never ask of him anything that I dont ask of myself and neither can he (except as DNM said suitcases :biglaugh ..i am very petite and thats his job no equality there) .Even when we talk of aging parents we talk of taking care of both sets.

 

:cheers Maybe we share DNA, somewhere up the tree?