What is your Love Language ???

parineetha · Jan 4, 2011

He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem isn't your love it's your love language!
Just because love is sent does not mean that it is received?
Are you and your partner speaking the same language? What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your partner. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce.
If two people have the capacity to communicate with each other, then any issue can be worked through to some kind of clarity." So is the case with experiencing and expressing love to your partner. Our love language is that form of communication where we most easily "hear" and receive love.
According to various researches it is established that people feel most loved in a marriage or a relationship in one of five ways: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Though we have a primary love language, we can learn a second language so that our partner's needs are met. It's all about giving a little here and there, and accepting that our partner's preferred channel may be different from ours.

Although there are five basic languages, there are many variations on the theme; each person is different? Sort of like we all speak a dialect!

Language of Service
Doing things you know your partner would like you to do." This could be, preparing favorite dishes, buying the groceries, keeping the house spotless, paying all the bills and taking care of bank work. You serve the one you love in many ways, and expect them to serve you back. In order to serve well, we must pay attention to our own physical and emotional needs.

Language of Words
"I can live for two months on a good compliment." -- Mark Twain

This is when you need to hear those three little words, "I Love You", a lot. Also, when you say how nice your partner looks, or how great the dinner tasted.

Language of Touch
Touch is more than sexual! This is when you like to touch. It's not about love making here, just touching. A hug, a pat on the arm, a stroke on the cheek will satisfy this love language.

Language of Quality Time
Real quality time is when we give someone our undivided attention. Does your mate always want your undivided attention? Do you get upset when he doesn't stop what he is doing when you want to talk?Your mate speaks Quality Time.

Language of Gifts
"Gifts are visual symbols of love." They may not want you to go out and spend buckets of money on them; they just like little remembrances. Flowers, a card, something you made or something you know that your partner really wants?..

Fading excitement and Empty Love Tanks
After the first or second year of marriage/ courtship when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade, many couples find that their "love tanks" are empty. They may have been expressing love for their partner, but in reality they were speaking a different love language. The best way to fill your partner's love tank is to express love in their love language. Each of us has a primary love language and couples may not have the same love language.

Speaking in your partner's love language probably won't be natural for you. But nonetheless if you try to understand and speak your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is the key!!
We benefit from love received from all five languages, but especially from our primary language. Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured here on earth!!

Though a lots of self prosecution is needed, but its intresting..Now y don’t you share your love languages. And how do you ensure you are in tandem with his/hers?
Post your interesting replies.

parineetha · Jan 4, 2011

Having said the above, let me keep this ticking..
My love language is words, I expect my husband to express, but unfortunately, my husband is very poor is expressing. He takes me for granted, saying should I ever tell you, how much I love you on this earth, don’t you know or cant u understand, I keep asking him “whom do u love the most in this whole world, universe, galaxy etc, The moment I get a reply tat its indeed you, I used to feel heavenly. It may be silly, I sms him even during office hours just to get that feeling that am his everything…it works well for me even when have a small fight or understanding, my husband does this trick to set things right..

Also when we were in love, If I sit next to him, I just used do this childish act of placing my duppatta ends on his lap. We continue our talks or he may be even working, but it just stays there.
I used to like that feel, and grins seeing that..Now my husband got habituated, that he does it with my saree pallu or dupatta even while we drive car or watching TV. That love language talks so much about our intimacy or love assurance or just that feel of “am there for you ..
So many more..
Keep sharing your love languages..

yams · Jan 4, 2011

Hi dear!

first of all nice post! :thumbsup A nice guidance for lovers like me and some married couples too!
this happens many a times in love life that some of our thoughts really vary from each other and we suffer in case not satisfying our partner in the right way for example i love writing and readings but he totally hates both so in that case what i expect is not to sit and help me all the time or listen to that he totally hates but just a kind of smile that motivates me!
similar thing happens on his side too that he loves cricket and i don't even know abcd of it!
so when there is difference in thoughts just a kind a love language that you said may really help in bonding the couple together!

well said and thanks for the post!

Cuteprincess · Jan 5, 2011

Wonderful Post Parineetha. Thanks for sharing it. Going thru this post I realised that me and my DH follow all the 5 languages and I am feeling happy abt it.

One more point I wud like to add is "Letting the respective spouses have their own space" . This matters a lot in a relationship and its a kind of showing our Luv towards them.

parineetha · Jan 5, 2011

Thanks for sharing your wonderful feedbacks.

yams - Nice guidance?? oh..thanks..Probably i learnt from my 3 yrs of love relationship and an year of marriage exp only. I understand ur plight to bring ur taste and ur love's one to sync. But trust me its actually intresting...afterall what's charm is there when ur picture perfect?? Still being in love with lots of indifferences is the highlight..great..keep it up. but u share dint what turns him on or what you do to coax or cajole him?

-Parineetha-

parineetha · Jan 5, 2011

Cuteprincess,
Thanks a lot cuteprincess for ur reply..Feeling great that u share a amazing love language with ur prince..What else one could ask for if you have all 5 love languages..luckly pairs really!!!
as u rightly said giving their individual spaces in a relationship, doesnt suffocate which indirectly lets both of them enjoy each others love and company..
And you too dint share what turns him on or what you do to coax or cajole him? Or what he does for you. you dont you share them, that makes this post even more intresting..

-parineetha-

yams · Jan 6, 2011

parineetha said: ↑

Thanks for sharing your wonderful feedbacks.

yams - Nice guidance?? oh..thanks..Probably i learnt from my 3 yrs of love relationship and an year of marriage exp only. I understand ur plight to bring ur taste and ur love's one to sync. But trust me its actually intresting...afterall what's charm is there when ur picture perfect?? Still being in love with lots of indifferences is the highlight..great..keep it up. but u share dint what turns him on or what you do to coax or cajole him?

-Parineetha-
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hi dear!
yes even though their are many differences between us love is what that binds us together.
he is not expressive he don't usually reveal what he thinks in his mind!
for eg. even if i wear a new dress i have to ask hundred times whether i am looking good!
i know that he is impressed by my appearance but that stops him is the shyness he has!
he doesn't even catches my hand before public for which i usually long for!
bit his eyes tells me that he needs it so myself will go forward to do that. At times i feel a lot for these but all that is only will he says me " I love u". we both know that one cannot live without other and its even a sweet feeling of accepting a person alike with his own characters.

maya69 · Jan 6, 2011

Great post!

Gift giving…I was never good at..not sure if DH appreciated also. Language of words…DH is very good at…even wrote me a poem when he proposed. Language of service…I am very good at and he appreciates it.

But after 18 yrs of marriage I would have to say the Language of Touch and Language of Quality time works for both of us now.

Touch…When I come back from work..and cooking dinner, DH would come to kitchen and hum some tune, hold me in this arms and dance a small jig by the stove, spatula and all and we smile and laugh, makes me feel very much loved.

Quality time….We have had to find a past time that we liked doing together otherwise we are always out doing our own thing with kids or household. he loves to sing, karaoke especially and he has a great voice…me not so much…..but little by little I have found songs that work for me and I have gotten better and DH is thrilled that we spend time together choosing songs, or finding songs that would work for each other.

Now that I have deciphered our current love language I’ll make sure I use it every day!

parineetha · Jan 6, 2011

Dear Yams,
Its very nice that u have accepted him as he is, Tat itself will work wonders for ur relationship:bowdown. Get married soon, my best wishes in advance:thumbsup

Dear Maya,
Lovely!! I'm imagining that romantic dance with spatula near the stove..wow..nice couple.
our's is just the opposite case, i sing very well, but my DH can never sing, but still he joins me singing with ulta pulta lyrics(funny) though i enjoy it very much.I keep pestering him to sing in his own funny lyrics:rotfl.
keep ur love language spoken everyday..

-parineetha-