An Episode in my Married Life

Welcome to IL DrK,

Looks like you are new to IL and this is your first post.

And han dear aisa hi hota hai...after marriage life changes completely.

 

Hello dear Welcome to IL. Yes it does help a lot to vent out and share the pain, sometimes it also helps to answer our own questions or thoughts!

So where are you guys now? India or abroad?how is your husband doing?

One thing I would say amongst all this is...did you ever think of it this way...what if he had left you at his parents place or at your parents and left for that snowy country and you both living apart and you being scared not knowing whether he is safe n fine or not. Might be he would have thought as you both are newly weds he might have wanted you to be around . Am sure many girls would want that rathr than being with their parents/inlaws. Isnt it like supporting your husband during the tough times??

Now coming to certain things like breakfast before 7:30AM I wuld say yes, I have seen many of them coming on Business/L1 visas when they are staying in a hotel they do this...it helps in saving money and also not to get out in that brutal cold. I guess you were too upset with the kind of living situation you were in!!! as every girl expects minimum basic comforts after marriage (even if not luxuries) and yes food definitely is not a luxury. However you would have checked with your husband whether he was tight with money? or why you guys were having only a full meal only once in a day? Did you try to come up with other kinds of food like bread/ milk /sandwich made with some raw veggies etc?? none of these need to be cooked andd you just need microwave to warm up the milk (I guess you would find that in hotel lobby also right??)

Anyways, am hoping you would just let go of all this past and move on..I know its hurtful when your husband threatened you about divorce(was there any argument b/w you both on that living situation in that cold place???), might be he might have felt bad of the things he had to hear about how pitiful you both lived there!! Its like a blow to his ego where he was not able to feed his wife...So both of you are hurt and upset and bruised egos...for this time just let it go and also let him know that you understand why he had let you come n stay with him and thank him for that and also mention that next time on you guys have to make better plans for such trips.

 

Dear Kadu , learn to adjust in an alien country ! Life cannot always be as we wish . Mostly girls fail to understand that life changes after marriage and one has to make the best of it.
Would you have liked staying alone while DH went alone to the project ! No ,isnt it .
You married him knowing that he was in US where life would be different. If you very particular about food and local comforts then you should not have married him.
I am saying this not to hurt you but DH must have thought that you were ready to adjust and agreed for the marriage.He must be feeling bad . US tempts many girls to rush into marriage without thinking !
You are lucky that he is nice , you knew that he is living in US so there is no point in being stubborn and wrecking your marriage. Anyway 6 months must be over by now and he must have gone back home.
Make adjustments , study and pass your licencing exams , you will have no time to miss your parents place. What if he was posted in India in some other state then ??

 

wow...unbelievable...sorry to hear what you had to go through....u have loads of patience...if i don't get proper food for one day, i might kill somebody!!
so how is everything for you now? hope ur situation improves.

 

hi!!
i wont tell you what happened is normal, bcause i live in scandanavia & the first yr i wasnt working too.. not due to visa issues, but we werent planning in staying for a long time.. the attitude shown regarding food is something i cannot digest.. esp since he was having all the comforts.. yes, you have to adjust too regarding eating whats available rather than starve or complain about whats not available.. thats the way 1 manages to live outside ones comfort zone.. so i guess thats something for you to do or shud have done.. but whatever is the cost of living etc, i know Norway & Finland are few of the most exp places on earth, but nothing can be explained for making you starve when he gets to eat to his full.. thats pure insanity.. he has a responsibility to you as a husband & he should keep his part !!
Why did he get married? did you care to ask?? was it for the dowry? or jsut to have a person in his house???
i dont agree it was thoughtful of him to take you with him when he went to the new place instead of leaving you alone.. i do think that would have been a better option,.. maybe he realised if you stayed back, you would have to be given some money to live on??
i do hope you are able get some headway with this situation & get some sense in him.... take care!!
Btw have you been able to learn the local language?? wouldnt English also help where you are ??

 

Hi kadambari,

Really sad to hear abt what you are going through.
What your husband doing is WRONG. He cannot expect his wife to starve.It's his responsibility to provide you with food. If he's so desperate to save money, why did he get married in the first place. It's better if this kinda of people remain unmarried .

If you are still staying in hotels.I have a Small suggestion:

Have you considered buying a small electric cooker? The cheapest one[]Amazon.com: Maxi-Matic Elite Gourmet Rice Cooker with Glass Lid: Kitchen & Dining comes around 15 bucks . It's a one time buy and you can cook rice in hotel rooms using this. It's much better than starving. In case your DH is not agreeing to spent 15 bucks, buy it yourself.Cooking rice wouldn't smell.

If you like pasta , noodles etc....it can be also cooked the same way. Make sure to open the window when you mix the rice with puliyodarai paste, pasta sauce, noodles-masala , because it'll fill the room with smell.

In the mini fridge you have , keep a bottle of yogurt , pickle etc. You can get different paste like puliyodarai etc which can be mixed with rice.

 

And, when he says that, dont answer him, but just give him the bird a.k.a flip the finger (Perhaps, you might een feel like giving him a slap and I wont blame you for feeling that, LOL, but we dont advocate physical hitting in IL, so you are requested to control that urge :rotfl). Really try that - give him the finger. Stun him once at least, pls. And after that continue to eat your apple.

He is the epitome of someone who can be inconsiderate.