Unimaginable situation - help

Dear Madam,

My advise at this point you can't do anything.Even if you try to do something it will be a big mistake on your part.
You need to let your daugther see the world.Hope everything will be ok.
If things don't work out between them then your daughter definitly will come to you then take nessasary action.Let her explor the world and you can't do much about it at this point.
let her learn her lesson,may be good or bad we don't know at this point,
One thing for sure this generation women are brave,if things don't go well then she can take charge of herself.So be there for her when she needs you.But at the same time don't throw money also on them.
Let them live by themself.
I don't know she raised in India or outside of the India.If she raised in india,Then she would have pretty good knowledge about surroundings.
if she not then it's good lesson for her.
I know as a paretns you are heartbroken but beleive you can't do anything about it.

Be cool and calm.

 

Hello Vaitheeswaram,
If your daughter is an adult ('major' as they say in TN) - then you cannot annul or cancel the marriage registration.

She is his wife now, and as an adult she has the right to choose her life partner. Bless her, and hopefully their marriage will turn to be a good one.

 

Well, from this point on it's not really your decision to make. :-(

Your daughter is an ADULT and she got married. Whether you like it or not, she married this guy and whether she wants to stay married to him or break the relationship has got to be left up to her. It's her life, her decision.

Whether her decision was good or not is besides the point. Whether this guy can support her or not, is also besides the point. As a parent, you can only GUIDE her, not control her.

Sit down and talk to her calmly and get her to realize the seriousness of marriage and all the responsibilities that come with it. Make sure she is making this decision to start married life with eyes wide open. If she has rushed into this relationship (i.e. married this guy after meeting only few times), tell her all the consequences that can come with making hasty decisions. Explain to her what your worries and fears are. Get her to think whether this is really the right guy for her, or whether he is taking advantage.

Perhaps you had different dreams for her and this was not one of them. But please remember, your dreams are yours alone, and she may have different ones for herself. We all have to walk a different path in life. This may be your daughter's path.

Whether you like it or not, this guy is now her husband AND your son-in-law. So respect these newly formed relationships and don't try to force anything on either of them. I think legally, there would be nothing much you can do as they are both consenting ADULTS. The only thing you CAN do is explain your feelings/concerns and leave it up to her to decide what she wants to do next. It's really up to her. What she decides, you need to ACCEPT. Accepting doesn't mean agreeing to what she has done, it just means you will not keep worrying yourself thinking 'what can I do' or 'how can I stop this'.

I'm sorry that you got hurt this way, hopefully everything will work out for the best for everyone involved. No matter what, keep your cool and realize that change and unexpected struggles are a part of life. You can get through this. Good luck.

 

Well said ASG. Yet another that I have to file under ASG's quotes.

Not only you Vaitheeswaram Ma'm, but several parents need to remember these lines. Your daughter is starting a new life, give her the support and bless her to live well.

 

Your daughter is 24. She is married. You need to let her make her own decisions. If she wants to marry a person who works in a shop and earns Rs 20,000. So be it.

Your daughter will be able to handle herself.

That boy has great courage because he did not hide behind her. He came up to you and talked.

This is her decision. Just letr it go and Bless her to have a Happy Life!!!

FL

 

You need to stop freaking out and look at this rationally.
She is married now. British national marrying a person earning 20K etc does not really matter now.
You have to get over this shock and let them live their life.There is nothing you can do at this point than giving your blessings.
If she feels its a mistake at any point she will come to you, so relax.

 

Oh Dear..Hugs to you. I know how it feels like..so helpless. One of my own cousins and aunt and uncle went through this.

You cannot do anything now, but that doesn't mean you just leave it as it is.
You and your husband, sit with her and talk to her about the consequences, her future plans with this guy. The possibility of him taking advantage of her being a British National etc.

Tell her that it is her and only her who would be responsible for her future. Tell her you will not be able to help her financially or any other way and that you wouldn't be able to run back all the way from abroad to rescue her or help her in any way.

I know it tears your heart apart. It is your flesh and blood and you loved her all these 24 yrs. But some kids are like that. They become blind in their current emotions that they fail to see where their parents coming from.

I bet you dreamed a wonderful guy for your precious daughter. I bet you had high plans for her. But don't blame yourself. She will have to learn her own lesson. I know your thinking about .."what is the use of learning lessons after she has lost everything?" But at this age...you can hardly do anything for her.

Please tell yourself and your husband, that you've done all you can for her. And try to bring peace to your hearts.

If things come to an agreeable stage, may be sit them both together and see how they plan their future...the guy's education..etc.

Uh...they say Daughter is the only one who can love the parents with all her heart. Well..a Daughter can also be the one who can torture parents and kill them silently with her actions.

 

The guy may not be a rich guy, but whats to say he wont be a wonderful husband. Why are you already deciding he is not a good guy? :rant