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  1. #1
    smart_soul is offline Silver ILite
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    Default Do husbands appreciate stay at home wives?

    Disclaimer: This post is not to offend/look down upon anyone.

    Ladies,

    A few years I stayed home wasn't very pleasant for me(DH and I ran into unnecessary arguments, ego issues, money related issues.. nevertheless.. a lot.. Both of us were at fault). But then we didn't have a baby. But now we have one little angel.
    I've been pondering about not working again. But I have the same fears.
    My questions here

    1. How do husbands perceive stay at home wives (Again, ladies, I don't mean to look down upon you)
    2. Do husbands help with household chores?
    3. How do stay at home women manage their time?

    And any other valid inputs/ideas that you might have....

    Last edited by SriVidya75; 8th April 2010 at 06:27 AM.

  2. #2
    DevikaS is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    I am a stay at home wife..
    I cannot work because of visa issues.. I make it a point to let my hubby know that I am in this position & this country because of him.. If I was somewhere else I would be working..

    However I never let him feel financially burdened.. controlled spending & kept on budget..
    I never had petty fights with him which happens when women are bored.. I worked as a volunteer for 3-4 days a week & studied other days..
    Now I am pregnant & enjoying staying at home.. It is great that I will get to be at home with the baby & not have to worry about day care ect..
    Because of me we have a large friend circle.. which we both enjoy..

    I only think it is fair that the person who is not working does the household chores, so I do all the cooking, cleaning & grocery shopping; all the in the weekdays.. So we have the weeknights & weekends to go out and have fun.

    Both of us are happy..

    He see the life of families where both the partners are working (get up, manage kids, go to work, kids in day-care, come back, cook, clean, take care of kids, sleep) ; they have no life & no time for anything;

    he says OMG I feel soo sorry for them. He truly appreciates whatever I do to make our life more comfortable & keep it low stress..

    Last edited by DevikaS; 8th April 2010 at 03:03 AM.

  3. #3
    MiaSen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    I've been a STAM for close to an year now and have been enjoying my days with my 1.5yr old LO :)
    Live has never been so calm and pleasant
    I was working a SE and had a hectic time - i had no time for my family and it was a very machinery life...
    So me and DH decided tat I would be at home as long as possibile and we'll plan the rest later...
    Am not looking at myself going to work for another 5yrs for sure...
    I do enjy this life and DH is way too helpful that he was when i was working...
    I only cook and clean vessels - he does all shopping, laundry and cleaning too :)
    Only recently i've started pulling things to my plate, coz all these things eat up most of our weekend and we dont find time for ourselves...
    LO occupies most of my day and i get only couple of hours for me vn he sleeps - i finish all pending house works, excersice, lunch and browse ;)
    Yes i do feel down vnever i get to meet working moms, but am happy this way and things are going cool for my hubby too as he has some peace of mind tat am there to take care of LO at home


  4. #4
    Renu1999 is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    How do husbands perceive stay at home wives (Again, ladies, I don't mean to look down upon you)
    My Husband doesnt care whether I work or not but sometimes I do feel inferior . I find it very hard balancing work and kid. when I work and leave baby at daycare my heart was broken every single day. I analyze and analyze everyday whether I do right or not. But it is totally depends on individual and how they handle it.
    Other thing I think when you have small kid (up to 30 months) and if you dont have anyone to take care of the kid It is better to take care of kid and not thinking about what husband thinks and it also depends on current financial situation.
    2. Do husbands help with household chores?
    My husband no matter what wheather I stay at home or work he helps very little. and he says/pretends as if he is helping a lot but I end up doing a lot.

    3. How do stay at home women manage their time?
    Stay at home mom with kids no need to manage time . Time just flies. but again some days are boring what to do .


  5. #5
    neha1 is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    I guess this depends on individuals as to how they perceive stay-at-home women.
    In my case, My husband never makes me feel inferior or different. It is just that I am ambitious and that's why I myself feel helpless at times because of my visa issues here in U.S. My husband helps me a lot in house hold work. In the week days, I do not expect him to do much but in the week ends I make sure I have something for him to do. And about managing time, I have never felt that I wasted my time. I have done some volunteering activity, or else I spend time reading books, attending workshops in the local library etc.




  6. #6
    Spiderman1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    smart_soul,
    This varies from couple to couple. You probably know your DH best.


  7. #7
    smart_soul is offline Silver ILite
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    Thanks ladies for your responses.

    Yes Spiderman. I know him the best. But this is just a general question intended. Because the perception among each couple definitely varies. And each lady spend time in her own way, probably one's input might help other.


  8. #8
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    Quote Originally Posted by smart_soul View Post
    I've been pondering about not working again. But I have the same fears.
    And any other valid inputs/ideas that you might have....
    SS

    I guess your question was on how do you approach your husband on the idea of you being a stay at home wife...taking care of home and kids.. is that right???

    Every family and every man is different. Coming to your husband why he was upset and in fighting and arguing mode when you were stay at home prior to the birth of your baby, you have to analyze were there any expectations from you??? did you apply for any visa? if yes were you interested to work at that time? because if you get any H1B and if you sit at home, end of the year you have to pay taxes anyways...reason...your H1B is nothing but a permit which shows that you already have a job...so might be your husband was having anxiety as he has incur extra amount during that time when you were stayin gat home..

    If you hadd no work visa but he picking fights with you,....what were the fights about?were they about money? or were they about parents? or were they about how youweere sitting idle at home and not doing chores? what was he unhappy about??

    Usually during early years of marriage, any couple need that adjustment time to settle down, some fight more and some are more calm dont talk and silently fight with no words said so you have to understand and analyze what were the fights about? what does he accuse you of more?

    So after you started working, you both wouldnt have had time to even argue about stuff as you would get less time with each other.

    Make a list of things like how much you spend when you go to work i.e your formal clothes and attire, car expenses, day care expenses, additional eat out expenses etc...and end of the day what you are making, so does that balance it out? or does that show any savings? and are those savings helping the family? based on the this analysis, talk to your husband why you want to stay athome, your kid is too young, and if you could spend more time at home, you would have less anxiety and less mental worries and more happiness etc...give your reasons and explanation

    Dont outright think that he would disrespect you or cut you off...but rather also ask him his opinion, his perspective on why he feels you working is good rather than staying at home


    Last but not least...there are families where the wife goes to work but still has to put up with lot of crap from her husband...so its not a general thing that if wife goes to work husbandd respects her and if she is stay at home he doesnt...Basically its the nature of the person whom we are dealing with. If the person is picky kind, he would pick on another no matter what they do. But if the person has something in mind and not able to convey, the moment its conveyed he would calm down. So talk to your husband and let him talk to you on his fears or plans and take it from there.

    Last edited by SriVidya75; 8th April 2010 at 06:33 AM.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Stay-at-Home Women

    I was a stay at home mom for years then I worked as a teacher in a good school . My DH put me down saying that I earned a pittance , met equally low paid people . Now I feel that he was jealous of my capabilities that even after years of looking after the home and kids I got a job because of my education . It hurt me big time and I spent many sleepless nights. I resigned and repented later as I had walked into his trap.
    His friends also put all stay at home wives down and even those working as teachers.They make fun of us and if I refuse to meet them he makes a long face. All the said wives are sick of their MCP husbands.
    My Dh admires all women working in high places , and now I cut him down saying that his ego did not allow him to marry one !
    Husbands appreciate stay at home wives as long as their home and hearth and kids need looking after, it also keeps the wife under control as she has no income of her own , no standing in society except as his wife .This is my personal experence . it may hurt a few ladies who stay at home but JMO.

    Last edited by flowerlady; 8th April 2010 at 10:05 AM.
    Den and freddycat like this.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Do husbands appreciate stay at home wives?

    Smart_Soul,

    Do husbands appreciate stay at home wives?
    I will answer this question in a generalized way because I am not married to share my experience here. I cannot say husbands but MEN do appreciate stay at home wives.

    Among my friends, most of them want their wife to be a home maker.

    1. My friend whose mom is a home maker wants his wife to be a home maker too. He needs so much attention and care.

    2. Another one whose mom is working wants his wife to be a home maker since he never got any love and care from his mom.

    3. Only one friend [he is very funny] wants his wife to work because he want financial support. He used to argue..."When I work, how can she happily sit at home and enjoy" I used to curse him saying you will end up doing all household chores in future and then you will realize the value of a women.

    I have even seen men saying "I want my wife to be a home maker. The reason being I don't want her to suffer too much pressure of handling work & family."

    No man whose wife is working say "I want her to be successful in her career. I will be happy for her" No one will say this statement. Only money, money and money.

    I am just talking my experience here. Not to offend anyone.

    To silence another, first be silent yourself.


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