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  1. #11
    geeta123 is offline New ILite
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    City
    chicago
    State
    Illinois
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    United States
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    3

    Default Surprised by everyones response

    Ladies

    Thanks for your response,
    different responses, suggestions, ....but lot of learn from each of them.

    I am planning to try hard for finding volunteer work in chicago...which will keep me occupied...

    when he come home on weekend...start calling home...i am just going to do my best to keep myself calm.....don;t know possible or not ....this house feels like a hell on weekends....but i have to grow up mentally and try..............you are right reeja(indusladies memeber) ......life is not as easy as it seems.

    in this one week i learned a lot....after reading replies on indusladies....it good to know how other people deal with it.....

    i have two questions,

    1. does anyone knows how much time it takes for green card after medical ?
    2. what is the wife's status...does she get independent status for herself once gc is received?

    incase u know the information
    please let me know

    Last edited by geeta123; 29th June 2007 at 06:13 AM.

  2. #12
    bindunaidu is offline New ILite
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    City
    hyderabad
    State
    andhrapradesh
    Country
    India
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: Surprised by everyones response

    dear geetha,
    you sound so much more positive than u did earlier. i am really glad to see that.all the best.


  3. #13
    lasya11 is offline Guest
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    Jun 2007
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    hyderabad
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    andhra pradesh
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    India
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    26

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    Quote Originally Posted by geeta123 View Post
    hello everyone i am geeta new to this forum.

    my married life started miserably due to some mistakes from my parents end in the marriage ceremony, my husband told me he is not going to keep any relations with my parents.

    immediately after marriage we came to india, i was sad almost for an year, we had fights he used to taunt me abt marriage, today after four years, we are used to of it .

    i call my parents every week when he is not here.

    Now, He is nice with me but complete mama's boy and they all have anger about my parents. he calls his momevery week end as usal she will give advices, he will follow. when his parents were here on usa visit husabnd and parents was a team against me. His dad said bad words about my parents, when they were in usa i heared them speaking. i kept quite.

    i don;t want to go back and live in india. its difficult. he is very close to his sister too. talks to them behind my back secretly. i have got used to this life.....i don;t call his mom or sister either. only when he call to home to his mom he will give me the phone....thats the only conversation i have with my her. no communication with his sister. but infront of me he will chat on weekend with his sister and mom whole weekend.

    After three years of living this life, i have no respect for them or him too.
    but its killing me bit by bit. feeling alone in this country. no friends. no job. no money. i have realised that i am physically collapsed and sad.

    can you ladies suggest me anything.
    I am on dependent visa, i need to save some money for future, which is impossible when every purchase is on credit card.

    please help
    hai geeta!!!

    I feel very sorry for all the torture that u are facing.I am not sure if urs is a love or arranged marriage.But still nobody can stop the fact that u cannot summon ur parents for a crucial decision.Try bringing in ur parents or ur neutral relatives and have a kind of open discussio.Afterall marriage is never a bonded slavery nor a written agreement that u should never see ur parents.In that case even ur husband has to stay away from his people.All these things apart try to convince ur hubby upon taking a part time job and never forget to stay in touch with ur hubby's friends and their families.Probably things would smooth out once u start taking up a job.Never loose ur courage and of course never feel lonely for we all are here at Indus ladies to help u out at any time.I shall pray for ur speedy settlement of things.Stay in touch and take care!!!!

    luv,
    Lasya.


  4. #14
    GPriya is offline Senior ILite
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    Apr 2007
    City
    Bay area
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    California
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    United States
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    267

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    Hi Geetha,

    I am Geetha too.. and i feel very sad for your life.

    First of all, to give u little peace, here r my answers to your visa questions:

    1. After medicals and if your hubby's lawyer files all the documents properly as requested in the 485 form, then you should get your EAD (Employment authorisation Document) in about 2 months time. Once you receive this, you are eligible to work legally.. so start looking for a job and accept anything thats available to get out of your situation at home...
    If your husband files for GC along with your details as well, then there is no problem..

    2. Time frame for GC- Getting GC depends on various factors.. mainly security and finger printing etc., for some people takes longer than others. Anyway, once you get your EAD, you don't need to worry this much, as you can get out of home and work.

    Finally, is your husband a nut case or what? Just bcos your parents made a mistake, he is penalising you and ruining his own life in the process l...Just don't put up with this crap. If he is an educated, civilised guy, he should talk to your parents in detail just once and then forget about it. If he continues to harass you based on his parents advise, then if I were you, I would ignore him totally as though he doesn't exist and then carry on my life peacefully with lot of prayers and outdoor activities like exercise, walk, yoga etc.,..

    The only sensible thing to do under the circumstances, is wait for EAD, get a job asap after ead comes, then make sure to concentrate on your job, career and if possible further education, if needed to grow in your career. Once you start making money, he will automatically shut up.Never allow him access to your money.. start saving from day one, so that, in case of any emergency, your money will help you more than your husband...in your case.

    After you receive the GC, wait and see if your situation improves for better, call your parents and make them come over to US and deal with your husband and inlaws to amicably resolve all the issues once and for all, so that you and your hubby can start fresh without any ill feelings. If something like that has to happen, you have to be very strong, sensible, independent and patient to carry on life until such time. With all these issues around you and your hubby, do you have any love for him .. or since its an arranged marriage, have you guys developed any understanding at all so far? if so, you both probably can solve the problems in the near future.

    Lots of issues like this will get resolved automatically once you start making money... GODDESS LAXMI has a magic touch in everyone's life.

    I will certainly pray for your life and as they say GOD HELPS FOR PEOPLE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. So try be as independent as you can be once you get your EAD.

    Regarding inlaw issues, i went thro' a lot with my FIL and i guess for indian women, no escape from it. Try to tackle your hubby by whatever means and then see, how your inlaws behave.

    Take care and pray as ONLY the ALMIGHTY can change people.
    Geeth Priya


  5. #15
    diana's Avatar
    diana is offline Junior ILite
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    Apr 2007
    City
    Salmiya
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    Kuwait
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    Kuwait
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    105

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    Hi,

    Read your thread. It is really a pitiful behaviour of your husband to treat you badly when you are not at all at fault. Even if you have tried talking to him and not helped, then the only solution could be to start a family.

    Sometimes what couple as a husband and wife cant do, a child does. It makes a couple, a complete (Parents) family. Once you go through your childbearing (pregnancy and delivery) the love of your husband will come around. He will understand the pain you went in being a mother. A smile on the child's face will melt his bad thoughts towards you. Also you will be busy once a child comes in your life and wont think about the pains you went through your marriage.

    A child also means an heir to a generation. The love for a grandchild will make the heart of ur in-laws change towards you. I have seen this work with many couples whom i have known.

    Maybe it works for you too. All the best.

    Diana


  6. #16
    sha123 is offline New ILite
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    Jul 2007
    City
    new delhi
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    new delhi
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    India
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    7

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    Hi Geetha,

    I'm really soory to hear abt ur plight!!...but trust me I've gone thru a lot similar to tht...i wud only say take each day as it comes and if u luv ur hubby then give ur marriage a try...try to be loving n caring n if he's a gud human being he'll do the same for u.
    Most importantly,
    DONT LOSE HOPE!!!!

    Keep in touch.


  7. #17
    Asna is offline New ILite
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    Jul 2007
    City
    Boston
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    Massachusetts
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    United States
    Posts
    1

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    Geeta,
    Look up your local Red Cross chapter. They always welcome volunteers. Another good place for volunteering would be your local library . What with budget cuts and all of that in most towns they could do with the addtional help.

    All the best!

    Asma


  8. #18
    nihitareddy is offline Junior ILite
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    Feb 2010
    City
    london
    State
    essex
    Country
    United Kingdom
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    67

    Default Re: i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

    hi there,
    i have read your situation. i am also in same situation.the only differnence b/w u and me is i have a kid and u don't. i was forced to have a kid because of my gynic prob i can't delay and i have to and even my husband is not gud to me. we had physical relation for 1-2 months and i got pregency thats it our relationship. u know right immediate after my delivery they started abusing me and my parents(my husband, his mother and sister). due to differences b/w my parents and his parents my husband didn't allow my parents to come to my delivey nor he send me. till the day before my admit into hospital i did all household things. due to that abusing i stopped eating and starved. for this reason i couldn't breastfeed my kid even for a day. even though i am 25 i am having all lot physical problems. since u r telling u r husband is gud with you do some courses if u can after getting greencard i would be easier for you to get job.

    nihita


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