something cannot be shared with someone in the family

hi, just curious...
something cannot be say to someone!
for example, we cannot say or discuss something to husband, particularly about our FIL/MIL family. We cannot ask y his mom is always asking some jewels for her and for her daughters(eventhough married long back).
To Dad/Mom, we cannot say that husband or MIL is treating us as a slave. They will feel very bad, they cannot do anything in this regard.
To brothers/sisters, cannot talkabt husbands nonsense behaviours. They won't give enough respect to him later.
like that.....
I feel my husband is a good friend, but actually not. I think all or us expecting that our husband should be a good friend to us, expecting to share each and everything... which is not possible.
friends, just thought these things, share your views if u have any!

I agree with you and I also feel that they might be thinking about us too, in a similar manner.(It is possible.)

Sriniketan

sure, it applies everywhere.

But then again men don't attach emotions to most things unlike women. So in general, men don't feel so sad or depressed too often. Women can't settle for less than what they have in their minds, so if their spouse isn't upto their standard in terms of sharing, friendship etc then the woman gets angry, sad, lonely.

very true... This is our indian culture.....

Originally Posted by coolcool

hi, just curious...
something cannot be say to someone!
for example, we cannot say or discuss something to husband, particularly about our FIL/MIL family. We cannot ask y his mom is always asking some jewels for her and for her daughters(eventhough married long back).
To Dad/Mom, we cannot say that husband or MIL is treating us as a slave. They will feel very bad, they cannot do anything in this regard.
To brothers/sisters, cannot talkabt husbands nonsense behaviours. They won't give enough respect to him later.
like that.....
I feel my husband is a good friend, but actually not. I think all or us expecting that our husband should be a good friend to us, expecting to share each and everything... which is not possible.
friends, just thought these things, share your views if u have any!

Actually the topice got diverted or I didn't explained clearly. I just wanted to list down the things which u cannot be shared with someone like husband or mom/dad or friends etc.
FIL/MIL - Our family problems should not be shared with FIL/MIL or sometimes even husband.
Husband - 1. premarital affair
2. When I say "I miss my parents a lot" he asks me "Why no ladies says they miss their in-laws?" that's the fact right? but if I start arguing, it will endup to someother thing.. so, cannot share such feelings so often.
Friends - Husbands stupid things cannot be shared since when they happen to meet they won't feel good.
like thiss....
I just wanted to know things which we SHOULD NOT share with Husband/FIL/Friends/someone...

Originally Posted by nivi

very true... This is our indian culture.....

with:
the in-laws---->greatness about your family always.
everybody-----> your weakness

Sriniketan

hi Nivi,

ur post is really something to think a lot. When i got married i was in dillemma when my SIL created problem for me what do MIL can't listen anything against her daughter and we were youngest so husband will never listen against her elder sister but i felt it's too much torturing when i started getting headache, i never used to complain for anything but this was a turn effecting my health which made me to complain about her and made him to see what his sister thinks about not only me but for him too as he is not aware what is going behind his back. I had only one good point we are always friendly true friends whoever does mistake admit it and no chance for next time . He himself saw everything but couldn,t do anything to maintain their respect but no egos in front of me and suggested me what shall i do to come out of this situation without effecting his image in front of his parents. I think if husband are little understanding we must speak out or we will end up no where. Always men say at last when things are in worst why u didn't informed me earlier, i don't know what is going on behind me, u must take care inform me. So i think not always but when something is really spoiling we must open our mouth for our and family betterment.

bye
padma

yes. its right.

Hi:

Well, I think I would slightly differ from your say. It all depends on how you started at the very begining of married life. "First impression is the best impression" truly holds in this situation. After all, we are dealing with human subjects, not machines, and they are subject to emotions and it is a sensitive matter. I agree it is a tough assignment, however, the level of friendship we wish to define with our spouses is something in our hands. In my case, I and him will discuss everything under the sky! Any sensitive decision will be taken in consulting mutually and till date we are best friends! We have our goals well set and defined, from simple trivial matters to bringing up kids and moulding their future, dealing with relatives, etc etc...in all kinda planning!

I agree that not all topcis are to be discussed with others (other than spouse) and it is true with any relationship. With husband, you just get that extra mile, beyond friendship and barriers break to discuss anything under the roof!

So, my friend, again, it is a mind game! Cheers...

Bye from, Jayashree