Has there been physical violence in your marriage?

kavya007 · Feb 27, 2010

Hi,

Physical violence can be extremely dangerous in a marriage. If there is physical violence in your marriage, please do not bring any children into the marriage. If you do have children, realize that it will damage them psychologically for many years. Please make amends and seek help. Anger first burns up the person who harbors it and then it will burn down the house. Don't underestimate the damage it can do to you and your family.

One of my husband's friend, Dinesh Balaganghadar, was stabbed to death by his wife. He had physically abused his wife, Jonaki Ray, and in a moment of self defense she stabbed him. He died and she went to jail for 2 years. Her husband had written a note in which he had stated "I will not hit my wife again" a couple of times and that is what brought her a lesser sentence. Nevertheless she had to do her time in jail. It was a huge tragedy for both families and they did not recover from it for a really long time. Both husband and wife were brilliant engineers from IIT. Dinesh was a presidents gold medal from IIT and Jonaki held a double Masters from a top US university.

Here is the rest of the story.
The State News : Woman gets 5 to 15 in death of prof
http://www.blurty.com/talkread.bml?journal=vinayak&itemid=2919

Regards,
Kavya.

lavii · Feb 27, 2010

i know at that moment during argument when you know the other person is winning the argument,
my husbands mental state wont argue anymore it gets physical
i still remember its not even been 2 months i met with accident and had surgery with 13 stiches on hand and due to soem argument because of his parents he twisted my hand so badly and hit me till date i have pain from it
i am not saying he is cruel but in anger a person can do anything destructive

GiJoe · Feb 27, 2010

I read this article written by Dinesh Balaganghadar’s brother, do you think what he says is fair? Vinayak's Blurty

kavya007 · Feb 27, 2010

GiJoe said: ↑

I read this article written by Dinesh Balaganghadar’s brother, do you think what he says is fair? Vinayak's Blurty
Click to expand...

Fair or unfair, he wrote it out of his hurt and his attachment towards his brother. Dinesh's mother sinked into deep depression and did not leave her bedroom for 2 years. Every time we see a county jail we used to get reminded of her and wonder how she was coping up in prison. Jonaki served a few years in prison and was let off on good behavior. God knows what she is doing now. Later in the investigation the prosecutors found the note that Dinesh had written. It was such an unfortunate incident that changed two families forever.

Kavya.

moncy · Feb 27, 2010

Oh my goodness, I was shocked to read the article. I know physical abuse takes place, but I dont personally know anyone who has gone through this (atleast noone has told me). In my opinion , physical abuse is a big NO-NO and I wouldnt stay on in a marriage where I am abused.

Lavii, I am so sorry to hear that your husband twisted your hand and caused you so much of pain. I had read the incident that happened in your life due to your MIL last week. I didnt know what to tell you, so I just kept you in my prayers.

tashidelek2002 · Feb 27, 2010

When I was working in West Virginia, one of my favorite machine operators was murdered by her husband. She was a very lovely woman with a nice personality. He had been abusing her and she finally filed for divorce. He was that type that thinks how could anyone be allowed to leave him. He came into the house with a .357 magnum pistol (very powerful) and shot off most of her head before he pumped a few more bullets in her small frame in front of his 16 yr old son. The son ran out in terror with the belief that he was the next to be murdered. The husband then turned the gun on himself and committed suicide. This happened over the weekend. On Monday morning, when I came out on the factory floor, everyone was crying their eyes out at their machines. Her machine sat there without her at it, with the pics of her nieces and nephews, the car model she was saving for, and all the little items one collects when one works in one spot for some time. It was so dreadful that the mechanics had to take that machine off the factory floor as it was too painful to even look at it. At her funeral, they had to have a closed casket as she was too shot up to be viewed. These things affect so many not just the family.

asuitablegirl · Feb 27, 2010

Tina, that is horrifying and so tragic. I was picturing everything you said. Omg, the empty machine with her pics... my heart really broke for that lady and her family. mg:

Foundlove · Mar 1, 2010

Dear Friends,
This topic is very close to my heart as I was a victim of physical,mental and emotional abuse. It took me a lot of time and strength to get away from that.The counselors at the victim's shelter's helped me and I am doing much better by God's grace.

I never knew how many women are victims and keep silent ..these are people from all social backgrounds and most of them are educated and have high paying jobs.

Lavii I empathise with you.Love and hugs to you and also my prayers for you and your child.
My suggestion always is never stay and get out after the first incident because it eventually escalates.Since you are in a very delicate situation my suggestion is please at least make it public to your FIL and mom and also announce that the next incident will prompt you to leave. DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASED OR ASHAMED.ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS.

What finally got me out of the Hell hole....my upbringing told me that this was wrong and I know this would affect my child.Also a close aquantaince of mine got murdered by her husband...who later committed suiscide. So her Child became an orphan.

My appeal to all is DO NOT TAKE PHYSICAL ABUSE.LEAVE IMMEDIATELY...

Tridev · Mar 1, 2010

Anger makes a person cruel, that is what Kavya said, anger first burns down the person who harbors it and then the family, its so sad the story that Kavya has posted.

Also your husband twisting your hand is not just sad, its barbaric, when you had surgery, irrespective what you told or what argument you had, physical violence has no justification. If the time has come that one cannot live , then better part ways but not to indulge in violence

lavii said: ↑

i know at that moment during argument when you know the other person is winning the argument,
my husbands mental state wont argue anymore it gets physical
i still remember its not even been 2 months i met with accident and had surgery with 13 stiches on hand and due to soem argument because of his parents he twisted my hand so badly and hit me till date i have pain from it
i am not saying he is cruel but in anger a person can do anything destructive
Click to expand...

asuitablegirl · Mar 1, 2010

Also your husband twisting your hand is not just sad, its barbaric, when you had surgery
Click to expand...

Tridev, that's EXACTLY the word I was thinking.