My husband keeps loosing his job over and over again.

dear momtwo and tugga,
i am reading ur blog and as if someone was narrating my life story to me all over again. just like u dealing with such for last 10 yrs, have only one child wanted to have more but had to make a choice between working and having a child not much family here. i have stopped caring now he has to learn the hard wAy not rescuing anyone anymore i am his wife not his mother. at times i have decided to quit when my son is all grown up sub kismat ki batein hain havent found any good astrologer if anyone knows one in delhi wud help. my old parents r always worried abt my son and i. just take care of urself and the kids and u will decide with time. where r u located

 

My husband is about to lose his job in 10 days..He works for a reputed IT company in chennai and is in finance field. He has been working for the past 3.5 yrs and all of a sudden his HR calls him to say that my husbands senior official gave a negative feedback about his performance and hence he has to quit his job in 10 days as they have recruited another person. Is this right? If the performance of my husband has not met certain requirements, they could have intimidated him and informed him about what they expect of him and told that if it doesnt meet their expectations he would be fired..When my DH asked his senior official abt this, he replied that he expected my Dh to share some of his work as well and as he didnt do that he gave a negative feedback and the HR decision is final and he cannot do anything abt it..I am so stressed abt all this..I confused and how to cope up with the situation..Pls help...

 

MomTwo,

You can do 2 things here.
1. Try and check if your DH would have preference in any other area. ie if he is in IT, could he move to the teaching field instead of development.. ie could he become a professor instead of a software engineer ? There are brilliant students. who are more into studying & teaching than actually working in an industrial environment.
2. Improve your skill sets to be the primary bread winner.

Please note, both the above need to be handled delicately. As another poster mentioned, please ensure he does not feel ridiculed or belittle in any way. Remember always that both of you are in the same team, and keep reminding your DH too.

 

As you said he was in very reputet college and has high IQ he might be bored in his job is not challenged enough or simply lacks of social skills (could be too due to intercultural communication gap?)
would it be an option for him to start his own business? That way he would be the boss and has no one to tell him what to do, if he is having high knowledge in his field it might be an option.
The suggested Myers-Briggs Typindikator Test is good option too.

 

My husband has this ego issue. He had studied in a well reputed college in India, had his Phd at very young age. His family was the one and only educated family in his background so everything naturally goes to his head, hence he behaves as if he is "Mr I know everything"

Since I love him, I can adjust with his social skills. I can even correct him diplomatically. He is otherwise a nice gentleman.

But he can not expect the same with his boss and co-workers, you see...
They simply see his social skills the most than his other qualities that only a wife/blood relations can see.

So, he used to lose jobs every now and then. He never stayed in a job for more than a year. Although he was able to find new jobs easily, there was always a job insecurity.

The first 6 months will be excellent, then by 9th month he will start complaining about the office. By the time he reaches his first year mark, he will come home with a termination letter.
He doesn't even understand that something is going wrong inside his office, so that he can be prepared for a new job before he is officially terminated. Everytime he reacts as if everything was supper cool, but suddenly something had changed bad against him. So, he would wait another 6-10 month jobless at home.

After understanding him completely, I helped him start a new business on his own. He is the boss of his own business. He doesn't have to bend down, doesn't have to let his fragile ego to be hurt, even if he lacks social skills who cares. His staff will always try to understand him instead of judging him. You see, my husband is a nice man otherwise. All that you need some time to understand him.

For the last few yrs, he is doing fine in his business. He is discovering new areas on his own, and slowly reaching to the top. All these times, I took care of my family on my own without depending on him...

I find no other ways to change him instead of understanding him.

 

@chennailady, please open a new thread for your issue..people are responding for the earlier OP n not you..

 

Thats exactly what i meant :clap

 

unfortunately you must leave him for him to change.You are enabling him.Co-dependent.He will work once you leave him.I have been there.It is not your fault.He is choosing to do this thus risking the loss of u and the kids.My father always told a job is work and not fun.Thats why they call it work.And he is to have hobby's after work or sports or something to look forward to on day off to relieve stress of the job-not get fired. Look for better job but never get fired or laid off.Give 2 weeks notice.when new job lined up. he will not change-walk away and financially u may go even lower for awhile-but u will open yourself up to fine new love and the CARING you truly deserve-he does not care enough to get his ass to a job.