My friend revealed something shocking to me!!!

This is clear case of cheating on spouses (infedility).. altho I dont want to pass any bad omen to them but I really dont support this behaviour. What if this guy is doing it purposely out of some professional rivalry... once it goes public the guy will still have less to loose in an Indian society setup.

Life becomes routine for everyone.. if you eat at a 5star or 7 star daily for 10 days you'll detest even that lavish food if it becomes a routine.. also if XXX is ur requirement & you marry a professional xxx worker that'll also become a routine.

Love to me is sticking together in thick & think provided there's no physical harassment at all & mental harassment under tolerable limits.
Since both the parties are not having kids.. is that their basic requirement?? For which they feel that there's no love in their current life & that their newfound loves will help them to produce one?

Ask both of them to get busy producing kids in their respective marriages so that they get some more reasons to live together.. None of the parties here appear as tormenters or abusive.

 

Well, there are lots of problems happening these days with most of our DH's or with his people, but in your friend's case there seem to be absolute no issue at all.
And all that matters is just spending quality time with each other which involves love , care & getting physical as well. So why not ask your friend to speak to her DH directly and let him knw abt her feelings and wht she is looking forward from this relationship. Its her rights and guess her DH should be tuned abt it.:idea
Moreover it involves life of 3 other people and just not hers. So why ruin another girl's life in this matter!!!! :bonk
Ask her to be sensibly and smart. Even after all these talks with her DH ,if she is still not happy with him then the only option is:
Ask your friend to continue this affair with the lover and lead her life with her DH without interrupting or ruining anybody else MARRIED LIFE for her selfish reasons of just getting attracted physically with another person.

 

Men who are cheating on their wife need a reason to blame their wife saying she is reserved or not romantic... Well life is not a cinema to be romantic all the time. There is no issues in the man's he jst needs more sex in his life and therefore he is using yr friend as a sex machine. I dnt get any better word to put.

Your friend's mind is always occupied with the thought that her husband is not giving attention to her and is always behind work. And therefore some soft feelings shown by some new man is looking rosy to her.
All that yr friend shd hv done is involve herself into something interesting in life so that wd keep her engaged and not in such unacceptable activities with husband's friend.
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Yr friends lover saying that he wd handle everything wihout hurting anyone is just crap, is yr friend a kid to be believing this, all the possible heartbreaks and issues are open. She has gone absolutely blind.
Given a situation where yr friend and her lover gets married somehow. And jst in case that lover (then her husb) comes home a little late, then she will be thinking might be he has gone somewhere to someone else. As there is no trust. Both are cheaters and such people look each other as cheaters only.
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And DH being workoholic - Man i have worked in MNCs where one cannot avoid work, its either you work and work like crazy or else you quit and get away. I used to pity many of my married colleagues who had to put in so many hours of work everyday and once they reach home handle stuff on phone... Its quite common for many jobs.
Just for some temporary happiness let her not spoil her married life.

 

I will second ChillPill's suggestions which is

Ask your friend to continue this affair with the lover and lead her life with her DH without interrupting or ruining anybody else MARRIED LIFE for her selfish reasons of just getting attracted physically with another person.

I would add "keep it discreet and be careful...

This seems to be sensible and practical solution. It may shocking for many but it is practical...

I am sure neither your friend (who is enjoying this relationship) nor the guy (who could be getting what he wants) will not agree to part ways at this time..

Just have full blown affair and enjoy it...Maybe the novelty will fade away after a while.....

Looks like they both have put their best foot forward at this time...Once they get over the initial "attractions", they will realise the sensible options..

If not then, they can think of drastic actions like getting married....and get into a mess and put 2 more people into this mess!

 

I completely agree with Shilpama's sentence "Ask both of them to get busy producing kids in their respective marriages so that they get some more reasons to live together.. None of the parties here appear as tormenters or abusive."

Now-a-days, extra martial affairs are heard of so often due to various reasons. But, only few cases can actually be supported. Things like physical abuse or things which really make one strongly feel to accept death in place of life instead of continuing with the present marriage. But then, your friend's case is absolutely not acceptible at all.

To have a husband who is workalcoholic should not be a reason for what she is doing. She should be proud of such a person to be her husband. If he is so faithful devotee to his work, imagine what kind of a place he will have for his wife. Is she really aware of what kind of esteem her husband holds for her and has she understood him at all?

And, her lover is no comparison to her husband's one good trait. This man is a FRAUD and he is using her only for his physical needs. This man has got bored with what he already has with his wife and wants new experiences. When he can deceive his wife, he can deceive your frined too when he finds another interesting and novel one. She should not have encouraged him for imtimate chats in the first place. This has only given rise to all this. Tell her to get out of the mess with real caution.

Remind her, this "love" which is making things look so nice is actually only the physical proximity. And this is not what will keep a relationship together be it the present one or the future one, she is dreaming of. Gradual decrease in physical proximity with time is normal for any marriage. Tell her to start thinking of having kids in her marriage if not suggesting the same to the other fellow. Looks like her marriage has reached a time for this and she is only getting diverted with absolute non sense. She should not forget the significance of marriage "marriage is a jouney where both spouses are there for each other in all walks of life, be it good or bad". This perfectly holds good and has to be followed ethically if both the spouses do not have major fallbacks in their respective characters, which creates agony and tortures the other spouse.

 

Chillpill and lovelylife ...

Seriously. Morally Degrading to the core.

The right thing to do here is talk to the husband and get a divorce OR talk to the lover and sever all ties.

NOT TRAVELING IN BOTH THE BOATS SIMULTANEOUSLY.

 

What I think you should do here is - Tell your friend to really really think hard and make a choice.

If she wants her dh, then talk/demand his attention and love and work as a united force to strengthen the marriage, for which we have a lot of threads to take suggestions from.

If she wants her Lover, then she has to talk to her dh and tell him she is not interested in staying married to him and get a divorce.

Once both the lovers get their divorces then they can marry and live happily everafter ...

But for sure nothing is going to be smooth and easy. She has to face a lot of flak from family, inlaws, friends and withstand all that. Having a secret affair is easy, standing up and facing the music is not easy.

 

In addition to all the good advice that everyone has given, I would urge you to remind your friend how society will treat her if she opts to divorce her DH and marry this guy.

It is not as easy as she is thinking - " Me and boyfriend dont have kids, we found true love in each other.So let us just divorce our spouses and get married to each other".

No one has respect for a "husband snatcher". So,whatever may be the reasons that made her do this,the society would treat her like an outcaste. Infact, people shun away from them and try to keep them at a distance.Imagine - is it going to be easy if people openly call u "characterless" or "husband snatcher"?

One of my family friends left his wife and kids to marry another married woman and no one approves of the relationship. When he made an attempt to meet his daughters from his first marriage in their college , they gave him a very cold reply - "please dont embarass us in front of our classmates, we have told everyone that our father passed away" :-(
He is no longer invited to any functions in his family either.

Well, your friend is an adult and she is the best judge to decide what she wants to do about this situation. All we can advice her is to think well about the consequences if she takes the drastic step to divorce her DH.

 

S,

Does your friend want to save her marriage ? I dont feel that yet. Had she been feeling so, she would have opened upto you long back when she felt her marriage was taking a bad turn.

So, first ask her wether she wants to get out of this mess. It is either clean up mess and live with her husband and child OR simply leave them at peace and cause no disgrace to them and get going with whatever nonsense she feels is fine for her !

You are her age, S.. So, she isnt immature when it came to cheating her husband. Physical intimacy is all that I can see in this affair. I mean, if that is what is the most important, then yes, she must move on with that guy. If her innocent child and workaholic hubby is, then she must SET HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT !

Sadly, there is nothing much you can do in this whole mess, because if she doesnt make her mind up, she is simply going to keep things away from you because you disapprove. So, do not go overboard with advice just because you feel she is your best friend. You maybe surprised.

Had her hubby had an affair with someone and decide to elave her and her child, ask her what she would have done with her life ? Listen to her answer, but do tell her, maybe her hubby deserves someone faithful and loving.

He was just working too hard and less expresive, he didnt go about having affairs. So, her reason isnt justified at all. It is nonsense.

As a friend, she maybe good, S.. But understand wether she will be good as a wife. Also, put yourself in her husband's shoes, had your spouse done such thng, what would you be feeling or even deciding. These things, make you understand the situation from both sides and not just be a good friend.

Take care.