what is the limit??

Dear Pankhuri,

At any point of time a woman has the rights to help her parents irrespective of whether she has siblings or not. I husband talks about limits, then its high time to make him understand that he is no one to stop her from taking care of her parents( with her own earned money).

Probably your friend can ask any one of her DH;s friends to talk to him and make him understand . As a Son in law he is entitled oto and has the duty to take care of his inlaws as well.

 

this is what is belive
no matter husband or wife parents are their responsiblty .Women should be able to share responsibilties with siblings and make sure parents are fine.But if she isnt working i dont think she can cliam financial help from her dh as he shld maintain his family ..parents and wifes parents really becomes burden until and unless they are very rich.she should be able to convice her husband so that she can work earn some money and use money for her parents welfare and her own family..i dont think there are limits in way we take care of parents

 

Hope her husband has no probs if she can get some money with her skills(hope she do) like stiching,baby sitting , tutions...etc. Otherwise she needs to really convince her husband about her real bad situation were she can even slip into DEPRESSION...

 

Limit in the sense,I think her husband may say,

if the parents need money for monthly living expenses, she can help.

But of they need huge amount for some liablity, naturally he will say " stay in limit"

 

Friends, Am sure phankuri's friend would like to support her parents for the basic needs and not for luxury.

This is the case with many girls who cry day in and day out after marriage not having job, living abroad happily but but not able support their parents which they had done till they got married and where in India.
It might be hardly 5k per month that parents might require for daily needs but supporting them with that less amount wd also not be possible.

Mostly DHs would not allow to do work like baby sitting or so... Prestige issues heh.
There wd be case where the girl does not have work visa.

These kind of stuff really gets the girl into depression...

 

She can ask her husband why he does not want her to resume work.Probably he knows that she wants to do it just to help your parents.Instead of this she can put it in a different way.Something like she wants to work because she getes bored,or she wants to do utilise her education..Teaching is the best option.Maybe in the same school where her kids go..I am sure then her DH wont have any problem with this.After this she can surely help out her parents with her earnings.

 

This is a very dicey issue where most of the times the wife also resents if DH sends money for his parents and siblings. Why do we have double standards ? Since there are siblings too in the picture why are they not helping their parents?
Taking care of parents by a married daughter is frowned upon by old fashioned DHs. Supporting siblings once in a while is fine but they can develop a habit of getting dole outs , a monthly stipend, which is very bad.
Teach a man how to fish instead of giving him fish !
Would her siblings and parents helped the lady if she was in dire straits ??
If she wanted to support her family financially and working etc. she could have discussed this with her DH before marriage. She can send cash gifts on occasions, after discussing with her DH.
No point in rocking ones marriage for the sake of anyone. Would they they do it for you? Maybe this what her DH means when she expresses her wish. Later on when the kids grow up they also resent the financial help extended to aunts and uncles for years and years.
The lady should occupy herself with hobbies or a job instead and thank her lucky stars that she has a good life.

 

The lady should find some sort of work - maybe part-time work - from which earnings, she can help her parents. I agree with the poster who said that each spouse's parents is his or her own responsibility, so the in-laws are her DH's problem and her parents are her own problem. If a couple has to help BOTH sets of parents on only one income, then they would be in a big financial hole themselves unless they are very rich!

So, the wife must really make the husband see reason and find a part-time job at least so that she can support her parents back home. BTW, has the husband clarified what he means by saying 'LIMIT'?

 

Ofcourse there is no limit to help parents when they really deserve it.

Your friend should slowly convince her DH, but the problem with her is she should ask her DH for help since she is not earning.