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  1. #1
    ajain35 is offline Junior ILite
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    Default Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    Hi,

    There are lots of threads in this thread that tell about things husband does that hurts his wife emotionally, like not involving her in financial decisions, not respecting her parents etc.

    Can you look around and see things that wives say/do that hurts/annoys husband?

    For example, here are few I have come across:
    1. Telling everything that happens in the in-laws house to their parents even if it has nothing to do with them.
    2. Spending money on useless things when there is need to spend money on something else.
    3. Gossiping about ILs with their friends even if they are not as bad.

    Thanks
    -AJ
    PS: This thread comes as a follow-up to the blog An open letter from a mother to her newly married daughter. - IndusLadies


  2. #2
    sandu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    A sure way to annoy my husband is, telling him that I feel like going to India now for vacation!! Annoys him moneywise, tensionwise and jobwise!

    He would also be annoyed if I ask him to do some househelp...

    Jokes apart, my husband is annoyed if I come later from work than promised, while discussing finances and sometimes when we have minor disagreements in parenting (like what to feed DD).
    Sandhya

    Last edited by sandu; 18th November 2009 at 06:18 AM.

  3. #3
    Malyatha is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    I think BOTH husbands AND wives can be thoughtless at times. Neither one corners the market on being victimized or being dominant.

    Anyway, to answer your specific question, some things that SOME women do to hurt their husbands:

    1. Attempting to control / influence their husbands' relationship with their FOOs. These women expect that the husbands' parents and siblings should disappear from the picture as soon the third knot is tied around their necks or the sindoor is plastered on their foreheads. On the contrary, they, themselves, have no compunctions in refusing to cut off their OWN apron strings and continue running to their Mamas and Papas for every. little. thing. They plan on remaining Daddy's Little Princess FOR LIFE but won't permit their husbands to be a 'Mama's Boy' (which is what he is alleged to be if he wants to continue supporting his own parents - financially or emotionally - after marriage).

    2. Expecting their husbands to not spend a DIME on their parents / siblings while they themselves will liberally spend thousands of rupees / dollars on their own parents & siblings. I know one woman who sponsored her brother's education at a US university (after he failed to win financial aid) but threw a hissy fit over her husband picking up some of the tabs for HIS sister's wedding.

    3. Perhaps, the worst thing is that when things go wrong, some women resort to filing false police / dowry harassment complaints against their husbands and in-laws in an attempt to humiliate / wreck havoc on the men and their families, instead of working towards a viable solution to their marital problems with their husbands. One of our ex-neighbors actually filed a false 498A case against her husband simply because he refused to stop financially and emotionally supporting his widowed mother after he married her. According to her, every paisa he earned 'belonged' to her, now that she was his wife. Where was she when his illiterate mother struggled to raise and educate her son on only her deceased husband's measly pension and handouts from her relatives? Needless to say, the man is now very happily divorced and even more happily remarried.

    For every woman who is being abused by her husband and in-laws, there is also a man who is literally being held hostage by our society's faulty perceptions of what does and does not constitute manly behavior and some of the most anti-men laws out there.

    CUTECINDY, jmsd and ub40 like this.

  4. #4
    SriVidya75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    AJain

    Just like there are good understanding husbands/ bad arrogant insensitive husbands...same applies to the women / wives too....

    However Even before going there of answering your post to your questions...I have one question...You are Single!! and how do you know and how can you assume so much about Wives and their behaviour and how hurtful they can be to their husbands???Is it purely based on that blog which you referred to?? or any personal experience?

    Telling everything that happens in the in-laws house to their parents even if it has nothing to do with them.
    --This sure shows the understanding ability of a husband....why do you have to think that all she is talking is bad about her inalws/husband...why cant she have a normal chat up about whats happening and how things are??? so if she makes the same conversation about her parents with you/your parents is that ok???? then why not talking about inlaws to parents...

    by hte way if you are talking about complaining or gossiping..then that again shows there is something wrong or lacking in the marriage...first of all understand where is she coming from, whats bothering her and then discuss whats bothering you...rather than spying on her calls iwth her parents as to what she is talking with her parents...

    Leave the communication channels open so that she comes to you rather than going to her parents to tell her problems....

    2. Spending money on useless things when there is need to spend money on something else.

    ----woww..By the way who decides or defines what is so useless or useful?? is that you??? so you want to be sole decision maker on every purchase that is made???..what may seem useless to you may not seem useless to her....so did you explain why that thing she wants to buy is useless??? SO WHAT if you buy useless stuff once in a while..if that makes your spouse happy???? doesnt her happiness count atleast that much(unless if its really breaking your bank account..) sometimes money/intelligence is not what is imp to keep or havea successful happy marriage....These small things that give happiness and show each other how special they are and how lovable they are to be with...

    Can you say that you have never bought anything that was useless or which you didnt use at all and its lying somewhere in the house????


    3. Gossiping about ILs with their friends even if they are not as bad.

    Hey...what do you mean by "EVEN if they are not AS BAD"...so who defines how much bad is bad??? there are somethings that you may not like in her parents..for her its her parents they are perfect...same with you..its your parents...they are perfect as per you...but how they behave to the new member of the house...is what matters the most...dont ever assume that your parents are super nice and they are/were super nice to your wife..if that was the case she wouldnt complain at all....ask yourself were there any situations or comments that left bitter experiences???saying is easy that treat inlaws as parents and let go of all their mistakes...but can the same be returned from inlaws..

    By the way how did you know that she is gossiping to her friends about her inlaws??? is this your assumption or you over heard her conversations??


    ABOVE all...If you are talking about hurtful things a women says/does to hurt their husband..Here no where I see a question about what hurts the husband..all I see is you are talking only about husbands parents thats all..So is your marriage all about your parents and how they are treated????

    Last edited by SriVidya75; 18th November 2009 at 06:40 AM.

  5. #5
    vidhkarthik's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    Srividya - You spoke my mind and saved me from writing all that you wrote.

    Ajain - You are single and have some set preconceived notions about women and your thoughts about marriage revolve round your parents. If this attitude of yours continues and you decide to look at the girl who enters your life with yellow tinted eyes, then whatever she does and however good she is, you will definitely find faults with her because of your weird set notions. Poor girl!


  6. #6
    Rihana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    I think a woman hurts her husband when she brings up stuff from the past, that has already been acknowledged and atoned for. And, when she holds husband responsible for his family's acts.

    -Rihana


  7. #7
    ajain35 is offline Junior ILite
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    Hi SriVidya and vidhkarthik

    I did expect someone to question my intention while asking this question. Please understand that I am not trying to judge someone here.

    I am just trying to explore that what are things that might annoy me and how to handle them with patience. The things I have listed are not said/judged by me but said by others. Some of the examples of such have been posted by Malyatha. I hope you will agree with atleast some of her points.

    I am just trying to picture that if I am in the same position will I be able to handle it with more maturity. Often in such situation one gets so emotional that intelligence and ability to reason no longer takes precedence and in haste things become worse than better.

    I understand most women are intelligent/mature enough to balance relationship but here I am talking about things that cause misunderstanding or discontent to husband.

    Philosophically speaking no-one is ever at fault, and its just the difference in perspective that creates tension. I understand that a person who has lived for 20-25years in a different environment and family will have a completely different perspective of the way things should be done. What I am trying to find out through this post is the perspective of wives that might be annoying to their husband.

    In no way I will try to judge a women based on these things. I am just trying to list down things that might annoy me and how to handle them patiently and by talking which at least to me requires some preparation.

    I hope this answers your question. If yes, I hope to see your contribution to this thread as well.

    Thanks
    AJ


  8. #8
    SriVidya75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    AJ

    I agree that there are such women as described by Malyatha...however I can give the worstest descriptions of the men I have come across, even to an extent where one such husband questioned his new bride...she is wasting money by washing clothes every week (as it takes 1 $ for the washer and 1$ for the dryer..) and you are talking about some wives wasting money over useless things..

    There is good and bad in everything....good and bad in everyone....good and bad people....good and bad husbands/wives....So you have to decide what % of good a person has and what % is bad...and if good is more than bad, might be adjusting here n there is ok....but if you see bad % in your spouse ..as per your expectations is more...then you have to have a open discussion with your spouse and come to understanding....and work out things....dont expect any human being on this earth to be 100% perfect or 100% good....everyone of us have our own shortcomings...no one is a saint

    But my question is...when you are single...and if you are talking about what hurts you the most....why do you talk about only the incidents related to how the bride behaves with her inlaws or about her inlaws etc..?? Some how I doubt your marital status....As far as I know...any single man/woman are not worried or wont assume that their spouse is going to ill treat his/her parents (even before getting married...)and how she gossips with her friends...or how she passes ghar ka information to her parents...(all these seem more real situations/ issues someone is going through....)

    I too really appreciate and would want to see mens perspective on what are the things that hurt them...(lets keep the parents issue aside here....) talk about what hurts you as a man...as a husband...as a spouse....(If all you can think of is how she treats ur parents/ or what she is talking to her parents / or how she gossips with her friends...) that shows your immaturity and pre conceived notions which would do no good to a relationship.....

    Last edited by SriVidya75; 18th November 2009 at 11:23 AM.

  9. #9
    ajain35 is offline Junior ILite
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    A request to members viewing this thread:
    Please take this question on its face value rather than trying to dig into my psychology as to why I an unmarried guy is asking such a question. Men do not talk about relationships with other men and so there is a dearth of information available to men that tells them how to have a happy married life. This thread is an attempt to provide practical advice to men visiting this forum (both married and unmarried) so that they can be prepared to handle tough situation in life.

    I thank Sandu, Malyatha and Rihana for their contribution to this thread and I hope other members will also contribute to this thread by replying to a simple question I have put forth.

    Regards
    -AJ


  10. #10
    Rihana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things women say/do that hurt their husband?

    Quote Originally Posted by ajain35 View Post
    Please take this question on its face value rather than trying to dig into my psychology as to why I an unmarried guy is asking such a question.
    ..... by replying to a simple question I have put forth.
    AJ,

    I didn't know you are a guy. Not that my response would change. You could use some contributions to the thread as a learning experience. Namely, learn that women never take a question on its face value. We do not often reply to a simple question in a simple manner. You and the rest of mankind is doomed, we women are like this only.

    Rihana


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