Getting DH to open up, communicate and be emotionally available

Hi Friends,

Comments on another thread about MIL's possessiveness of sons' prompted me to start this new thread. The way I see it, MIL's derive love, companionship and emotional availability from their sons because their DH's either tended to their mom's or were raised not to be communicative / emotional. If we want to spare our sons' we need to start training our DH's to fulfill our emotional needs. To open up, communicate and be there for us mentally and emotionally. so that we don't turn into our MILS's 20-30 years down the road and ruin his married life.

Ofcourse this is easier said that done. I am looking for advice on how to achieve this. How do I get DH to be open and communicative? To validate my feelings and provide the kind of mental and moral support that I am looking for?

Cheers,

Pooja

Hi
My son is too little to offer mental and emotional support and DH is very reserved and distant. So my friends and close cousins are the ones that offer me the emotional support always.

So I am planning on going to a good retirement home with a group of friends and their hubbies and spend the rest of my life there luxuriously. Or atleast get a house in the same locality and spend life close to each other ....

So no way I will turn into my MIL.

I tried, and tried and tried. Emotional support from DH comes, but it has to be ordered like masala dosa in a restaurant. And, the dish needs to be sent back couple of times for modifications. The effort to receive emotional support turns out to be, well, emotionally draining (pun intended). I gave up on receiving it on a regular basis a while back. For life's biggies, DH is always there like on an on-call basis, for the rest, there is master card. That is, there are friends, IL(IndusLadies, not in-laws please). My biggest source of emotional support are some female friends whom we don't know as a couple.

It is sometimes disappointing to accept that emotional support is not 100% available only in the marriage, but, it is OK when viewed as a big picture.

-Rihana

Originally Posted by Rihana

I tried, and tried and tried. Emotional support from DH comes, but it has to be ordered like masala dosa in a restaurant. And, the dish needs to be sent back couple of times for modifications. The effort to receive emotional support turns out to be, well, emotionally draining (pun intended). I gave up on receiving it on a regular basis a while back. For life's biggies, DH is always there like on an on-call basis, for the rest, there is master card. That is, there are friends, IL(IndusLadies, not in-laws please). My biggest source of emotional support are some female friends whom we don't know as a couple.

It is sometimes disappointing to accept that emotional support is not 100% available only in the marriage, but, it is OK when viewed as a big picture.

-Rihana

Actually the same can be true vice versa. Sometimes when the DH needs support, the DW is 'not available' emotionally.

And, it is OK. Your approach is the only one that will work in real life. Look beyond the DH or DW since not all human beings are the same kind.