When I was at your age...

I hear this from my mother and grand ma very often "When I was at your age"..... They are the people whom I think I can never really satisfy with my doings...

I am to share my experience during my third trimester of my pregnancy and first 3 months after delivery. I went to my parents place by the end of my 7th month..I had back ache during my 2nd and 3rd trimester.
I did not get sleep at night after my 8th month. So was mostly spending my time sleeping in the day :)..I did very little work and spent my time playing thayam with my grand ma daily..Everyone cared for
me too much.

One fine night I went on a C-Section and my little one came into the world. After 10 days we went home. Day by day my relatives came to visit us. Atleast 3 or 4 would visit us for a day..

oh! a C-Section?? This question is the trigger point

Now, my ladies will start
1. Her work is like that. No physical activity at all (I am a software professional)....
2. These generation kids, they are not like us. They dont work as we do...Suddenly start with atleast one of stories "When we were in those days.... " some story will go on..One thing that i remember now is
when I was just 2 months old, my dad suddenly came with 3 guests and asked my mom to make ready for a good lunch with chicken and mutton..She did manage to do all those (at that time there was no mixer or grinder in my home)...either the visiting lady or my grand ma would end it "Ippo ellam yar appadi ellam yar vela pakkara" (Who works like that now)..I have to hear all these with a smile..
3. Generally classify as Software people undergo C-Sections (As 2 of my relative girls working in software also went through C-section)...

I felt all these funny and would laugh some times. But when a comparision goes and when they tell a tale of their young age where they did this and that and girls now are not like that I was not able to accept...why do we want to justify a c-section?

But all these really made me stubborn inside and I did not want them to help me to do my tasks. I just want to show them that we are not like that. We are not lazy people..45 days after my C-Section I did all tasks of me and the kid myself. Came back to my home in 50 days with my grand ma who is just a support morally. I was back to all my activities within 50 days.

When I told this to my mom after 6 months. You know what she said "We dont praise you infront of you da, but I know what you can do..It's because of all those you recovered soon". I did not know what to
speak..

I was angry with my mom and grand ma and have even yelled at them at times when they speak like this. But after hearing the explanation from my mother I felt bad and was happy too..

what do you feel when you hear stories like these?
What was your reaction?
Have those influenced you in any way?

Hi Sowmya

I have heard this but not from my parents or grandparents but from other relatives...

what do you feel when you hear stories like these?

I feel very bad.I give them apt answers on their face.
Everyone cannot be smart in all the activities.It depends each one has different ability.In old days patti didnt study much they were inside the house and doing household chores was like a hobby to them.But today we manage and are equal to men in all aspects.So they may be difference in oldies and we doing the chores.Its not to be compared.

What was your reaction?

Even I have heard oldies saying these kinda stories.
I sarcastically give them answers.
"Paati appo nalaiku jean pottu kittu 2 train pidichi office poy coding pani paru enoda kastam puriyum ungaluku. Software na kokka"(Grandma wear jeans catch two trains and go to office and do some coding you will know how tough it is)

Have those influenced you in any way

Nahhh Because I give them the correct answer.
They say"Entha kaalathu pillaingata vai kuduthu thappika mudiyathu(You cannot talk with todays childrens they are smart)"(Therinja sari than)

Dear Sowmya

I have to hear this almost everyday from MIL,

It angers me more when she sits like a rock at one place and says " those days we had wheels under our feet" we use cook for 50 people single handedly"

"Ipudu yemi goppale" anni wundhi" Meaning It;s nothing great to cook now a days since we have all mordern amenities.

come on! we are using the appliances because they are there, if not we would have done it manually right. Nobody will use a grinding stone when u have a grinder beside u.

She speaks as if she has no brains, I can cook with ease even for 30 guests and when they praise me for my cooking skill, this lady will immediately burst out" if she had to do it in our days I am sure she would have vanished from the place" this will bring my blood to boil but some how I would just control my anger.

For the past 30 years or so she started to use machine's like mixie, grinder, etc but I have to always hear her say, " those days we use draw water ( no motor) we use this, that....

I know all she did was to cook and then indulge in silly gossibs with the her relatives and neighbours, she could'nt help her kids in studies coz she is only attended school till std 3 or 4.

where I manage everything, right from cooking, house keeping, managing my daughters school work, my DH;s bank work or any outside job he asks me to do, paying the bills, taking them to doctors for regular check ups, I drive the car & 2 wheeler, I do literaly everything for our house while my DH is just a financier, cannot help because he leaves home early and comes back late.

In spite of all this , those were the days when ladies were very hardworking, very cultured....... etc etc

and Now a days women are very delicate, useless.

can u belive

yeah, my mil said some of those things to me. I got mad too.

One day what happened, there was a party next day. I chose a saree but the blouse was loose, i dont want to make alteration as i am not good at stitching and as it is a costly saree, i dont want to mess with it so i put the saree away and chose a different saree. My mil immediately said, "these days girls dont even know how to stitch a simple blouse". my fil immediately added, "if girls dont know simple stitiching how can they even exist".
I knit shawls, sweaters for my kids, designer items in home, but some how i am not comfortable stitching. I got mad but there is nothing much we can say right...

Their generation cant do what we guys can do(like typing, driving etc) , we cant do some of the things they can do.. it is a fact.. but definetely both generations are multi taskers..

Try this, get information about all the greatest women achievers from all over the world and quote them and what they did and ask why they could not achieve that at their age?

e.g Indira Gandhi was prime minister at xxx age, and xxx was flying aircraft at xx age and xxx invented xxx at xx age, see how they react.

Soumya ,

You will be surprised about what I write here..

As kids, we got our Black & WHite TV quite early.. Daddy dear was so particular about his angels getting all the luxury he didnt / couldnt afford as a kid !

We had phone, TV, VCR and what not when hardly we could count similar owners in Bangalore.

Whenever dad used to come on vacation between posting ( he was Govt official ) and we watched TV.. he never used to stop murmuring how his old days were ! Mommy never attempted to comment on luxuries and all she had to say was " The way girls have freedom during the 70's, and this lamenting started when me and sister became teens only " So till then, mommy took a break ! :)

Dad used to go on and on about how he walked from home to school for 25 kms one way everyday and used to eat poha on most of the days since they couldnt afford rice ! He even couldnt afford the Engg college fees and so didnt pursue the same ! :( Though we feel bad for him about all this, because he was a rank holder in the state during his time .. his cribbing on TV use irk me and my sister !
He used to say, During our times, we didnt have TV and we used to play so much for entertainment ! Me and sister used to crib when the Doordarshan channel just finishes by 6 pm initially and then 9 pm later on ! I mean, funny it used to be like a regular office job.. So, one day I remember I cribbed that the program was over and we had to switch off th TV.. My dad started his saga again - During our times ... I said - What are we suposed to do, if you didnt have TV during your times.. We cant help and we giggled at my poor father ! Yeah, Horrible kids I know !

Last year back home.. my 11 year old nephew was watching TV and was juggling between all channels ! I was reading a magazine and hardly could hear one sentence from one channel !

It was like - Welcome to our new show, please take the cut chicken and stretch your legs wide, now shoot him down, POWER RANGER !

It was such a chaos ! Finally I flipped the last page of my magazine and decided to watch some TV ! I was getting irritated with my nephew.. SO obviously, I shouted - Just put SOMETHING on for a while ! He looked at me with a smirck and said " There are so many channels I want to see, but it is soo confusing ! " I said, Prioritise ! He was like, it a'int easy, Aunt ! I dont know what happened to me , but I said " God, Sid ! When your mommy and me were kids, we just had one channel and had no such confusions !!! " He quickly retorted - What am I supposed to do, if you folks didnt have this many OPTIONS then ?? It a'int my fault and he shrugged ! I was like WTH !!

As I turned around to see someone staring at me .. I found my proud dad looking at me with a million dollar smile which had soo much meaning to it ! I felt super silly , Soumya !

I realised, it is just the time that makes people talk so.. :) I mean, earlier even if you had very very little to eat, a dozen kids were almost sure to come out of a mommy ! Then, it became like just how many you can feed ! Now a days, no matter how many you can feed, you just tend to have 2 kids so that you can GIVE YOUR BEST ! :)

Earlier, there were no buses so people walked miles and miles.. Now, we walk miles and miles in the traffic and pollution, we are either sure to get some respiratory problem eventually or be run over by a vehicle ! :)

One can talk only of what they have experienced ! Probably, that is exactly why elders compare what they experienced to what we do ! :)

I am sure.. Sid ( my nephew ) will surely look like one dumb idiot like his aunt with his next generation someday ! Me just waiting with that MILLION DOLLAR SMILE !!!

P.S - I used to pull dad's leg.. Stallone is as old as you are.. Look how healthy he is ! ;) Dad just laughs with me ! One cutie my dad is !!

Preethi, that is such a cute story! Thanks a lot of sharing! Guess that's what you would call an example of life coming 'full circle'.

Soumya, just last night I was telling my husband about how different the commercials on tv were when I was small. Before, the cereal company's could market sugary foods to us with cartoon characters, and nobody cared! Now everyone is health conscious, environment conscious, blood sugar councious... omg! It is really quite a change. When we see time going past us so quickly, it is only natural to compare 'then' with 'now'. Hubby is 13 years older than me so he is always comparing about something too from HIS time, especially about how 80's music from 'his time' is so much better than what the 'kids are listening to today'.

I heard some of this "When I was your age..." stories from a family friend's mom couple of weeks back.

I recently had a baby in US and since both parents and in-laws could not come here, me and DH managed ourself. I had a C-section delivery and DH has been very helpful all thru - he helps in the kitchen, does the laundry and cleaning up and almost everything. Moreover, both of us are trying to diet to loose some weight, so we dont cook a whole lot. So, it was not too hard for me though my recovery from C-section took long.

As soon as I got pregnant, me and DH took a combined decision that I will concentrate on the baby and be a stay at home mom for some time. So, I am not working now.

Now, our friend's mom is quite conservative and she was working with the government till she retired. The way she talked (almost scolded ) to me,I could just feel her anger and jealousy.She told me that "When I was pregnant, I had to do all house chores and work till the last day of my delivery. My husband is not expected to help and he never did. These days, girls like you cant manage anything - no wonder you had a C-section". She even angrily asked me - "You dont even work - Why dont you cook elaborate meals,you are just making lame excuses of this C-section ,taking care of baby etc !!"

This is not the first time she is talking this way to me and I am totally annoyed. Last time she visited us when I was 8 months pregnant, and she would not miss an oppurtunity to belittle me for not having a job.
For eg: I was doing a lot of crochet at that time, and she said - "Oh all this useless things - Yeah anyway, you have nothing else to do".

Oh my god !!! I am not her DIL or someone who is even related to her in anyway and she doesnt even know me well. It is none of her business!!! I just fail to understand how someone can hold so much grudge against me just because my DH helps me with household chores when I am recovering from a surgery.

All I can say is "God save such people"!!!

Reshsabu,

If this is the way she is treating you, then just imagine how she must be treating her DIL?

Also, she sounds jealous. Maybe her own daughter is married to someone who does not raise a finger to help her, expects her to work outside the home, and then come home and do double duty in the house, too. Maybe she sees her DD working her butt off and it makes her angry and jealous that her DD did not get a considerate and affectionate DH who sees eye-to-eye with her, like yours does with you?

Call her out on it. Your life is none of her damned business.

Originally Posted by Malyatha

If this is the way she is treating you, then just imagine how she must be treating her DIL?

You bet !!! Her DIL confronted to me once that it is tough to get along with her. I am not surprised

Originally Posted by Malyatha

Also, she sounds jealous. Maybe her own daughter is married to someone who does not raise a finger to help her, expects her to work outside the home, and then come home and do double duty in the house, too. Maybe she sees her DD working her butt off and it makes her angry and jealous that her DD did not get a considerate and affectionate DH who sees eye-to-eye with her, like yours does with you?

Yes, she was definitely jealous. I could just see her fume with jealousy as she advised ( scolded) me.

Well, she is almost 60 and as I said, she was working with the goverment. I presume, in her times in small towns, a "working woman" was a big deal . Maybe she started believing that non working women dont deserve to be treated well.

Originally Posted by Malyatha

Some people... even GOD cannot help them!

Instead of minding her own business ,if people keep loosing their temper and peace of mind over what happens in someone else's life, True!! Even GOD cant help them.