Whatz The Use Of Telling Sorry After The Age Of 50

HI ALL,

i want to share my thoughts with u all.
after marriage for all women,defl'y inlaws probs will b there.
till her age of 50,then her inlaws will die ,until then she have to face the probs,iam 100% sure hubby will not support her, then her hubby will get retirement,then he'll sit in the home & think abt the future,then wife will remember all the past stories & then he will keep quiet,becoz he knows his parents or sis r wrong,but he'll not support ,now he'll keep quiet becoz he needs the support from his wife,he has become weak,also he will realize his mistakes & feel sorry for that & ask sorry to his wife,but what use in that??? her life will never ever come again,her golden days had gone,now she'll worry abt her son/daughter's life only..poor women,she don't have any option...like that she has to live.
is there any use of saying sorry at the age of 50?? iam very angry with my father & father in law,they did'nt support,they knew abt their mom,dad,sis,bro',they gave trouble to his wife,but at the age60 they r telling sorry & ask them to forgive,is it possible to forgive & forget???now the same will apply to my hubby also,may be after 30yr he'll ask sorry to me.
i don't like the word in tamil manippu,in english forgive,though it seems to be cinema dialogue,but this is true.
iam eagerly awaiting ur opinion abt this.

Hi,

You r right in saying that every marriage will have some troubles ,though it varies in intensity . I have observed the similar situation in my parents' life . After Dad retired and we all were settled Mom had more free time and she would take the skeletons one by one out of the closet . In this case my Dad never said sorry but he quietly listened . May be that was his way of saying sorry ......

paru

Dear Viji,

Reading your thoughts I am reminded of a story I read long back.

There lived a working couple. When the husband retired, his wife continued working. She still completes all the work and keeps everything ready for him before leaving for office.

The husband having free time catches up with his retired friends. They brag about getting hot water for bath readied by wifey , hot food on time and getting their feet pressed, etc

Our hero gets influenced by their idle chatter and decided to tell his wife to stop working and stay at home. But he has a doubt in his mind whether he is doing the correct thing or not. So the next day he asks his wife "If I tell you to stop working and stay at home will it reduce you love for me?"

She says "Love will not reduce" (அன்பு குறையாது) and leaves for office.

He feels happy. After some time he realises that instead of telling a plain NO, she said Love will not reduce. Why???? He keeps thinking and then it dawns on him that while her love for him will not reduce, but she will lose her respect for him. (அன்பு குறையாது ஆனால் மதிப்பு குறைந்துவிடும்)


This opened his eyes and cleared his doubts and he did not ask his wife to leave her job.

Like you said you are angry with such people even if it is your father of FIL, we tend to lose respect even for the closest of people - so we better make changes in our lives so that we have a good life and instill good values to our kids.

But if they are truly repentant and ask for forgiveness, we should accept it. There is nothing more magnanimous than setting a mind free of guilt.

hi vivbass,
i think u belong to my generation which cannot accepts faults even if its done by elders.
i think world is acceptin these changes now and men in these days accept it to an extent.but still we cant change the gone by years of our mothers....
we can just stop it from happenin to us and the generations to follow.
takecare
luv
pavithra

Originally Posted by pavithrasriram

hi vivbass,
i think u belong to my generation which cannot accepts faults even if its done by elders.
i think world is acceptin these changes now and men in these days accept it to an extent.but still we cant change the gone by years of our mothers....
we can just stop it from happenin to us and the generations to follow.
takecare
luv
pavithra

In the good old days men were silent watchers because they thought that if they supported the wife, they would be blamed for listening to thalayanai manthiram. If they ill treated the wife listening to mother, then they are certainly to be blamed. Silent watchers are to be pardoned.
Pushpavalli

Dear vivbass,

Everybody has to agree with what you said. there is hardly any exception where the wife was treated with care and consideration ( the scenario seems to be changing of late). even women who lived away from homeland/ away from in-laws have their tales of woe.

this clearly shows that 'some' r born to dominate and the rest ,made to sacrifice.

but, there r men prouder than what we think or see. i have seen a person, who never apologised to his wife until the last,not even after retrement. she was completely sore at heart after several gruesome decades of life with him.

so, i think BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. perhaps, it's thoughtful of those who apologise atleast in late years.

shreasri

Hi Ladies,

Most men even after retirement, don't realize that they were pretty bad in dealing with issues during the youthful years.... and so they don't apologise or feel sorry for what they didn't do....

My FIL wasn't great husband to my MIL, nasty and a very chauvinistic all along and now after 10 years of my MIL's death, he behaves as though he loved her dearly in his life by carrying her photo in his shirt pocket wherever he goes and at night, keeping the photo underneath the pillow...all a big show...

I always tell my hubby if he bahaves like his father that i won't leave any photos of mine for him to carry with after my death.. he just laughs and tells me that he won't be foolish like his father.

Well, the above story demonstrates that men rarely change and even if they change, as u mentioned that it is bcos of they want to be cared for in their old age.. without any ulterior motives, I am yet to find a decent MAN withing the family and friends circle.

Geeth Priya

hi geetha,
ur anxiety abt leaving photographs behind.......is funny ha...ha...ha!
perhaps he really feels for it now.anyway,this is an example of how people provoke others to think thru their (silent) deeds

shreyasri

Originally Posted by GPriya

Hi Ladies,

Most men even after retirement, don't realize that they were pretty bad in dealing with issues during the youthful years.... and so they don't apologise or feel sorry for what they didn't do....

My FIL wasn't great husband to my MIL, nasty and a very chauvinistic all along and now after 10 years of my MIL's death, he behaves as though he loved her dearly in his life by carrying her photo in his shirt pocket wherever he goes and at night, keeping the photo underneath the pillow...all a big show...

I always tell my hubby if he bahaves like his father that i won't leave any photos of mine for him to carry with after my death.. he just laughs and tells me that he won't be foolish like his father.

Well, the above story demonstrates that men rarely change and even if they change, as u mentioned that it is bcos of they want to be cared for in their old age.. without any ulterior motives, I am yet to find a decent MAN withing the family and friends circle.

Geeth Priya

Very true. WhatZ the use of telling sorry after 50 yrs.
I don't except from my husband, because he never says sorry to me and he is such a male chauvinistic that he will never feels sorry for whatever he has done, infact at that time too he might say that his mom was very great person. (one is for my MIL and another is for my husband)

Atleast I will teach my sons not to ill treat their wives.

THanks,
Punitha

hi geetha,
ur photo story was really hilarious!!!!!!
and pushpavalli i personally think this "thalayanai manthiram" and "kalyanathukku aparam paiyyan mariduvan "ellam summa dialogues.i think men have their own brains and can think wats right n wrong.
luv
pavithra