What do you Suggest?

Hi Priya,

This is the biggest confusion in unmarried person's mind. To marry or not.

Marriage is that "laddu" which if you eat or you do not eat you regret.

Then why not eat and regret !

Marriage gives birth to a beautiful relationship. I would not like to judge it with its pros and cons. Everything in this world has its pros and cons but do we stop using them?

Marriage calls for adjustments, compromises, trust, and most important love for each other. If you love somebody you will not like to hurt them. Then up and down are part of the life which makes life exciting.

cheers
Get married and live life happily together

cheers
rayofhopes

 

Hema ,

Guess, the basic problem is when two totally opposites " who want to go opposite " get married !

We have heard it, that opposites attract.. Yeah.. mostly it is the guy and a girl who gets attrracted isnt ! Just kidding..
According to me, it is kind of true when each of them WANT to.. Meaning..
Imagine a guy who boozes socially, he marries a girl who just DONT like the word BOOZE ! You cannot say who is at fault here.. If the guy has told her much before marriage that he does booze..and the girl agrees to it, then, because she is head over heel on him and " assumes " she will make him STOP drinking after marriage.. Then I call her a fool and would blame the girl ! If she knew before marriage, that he does drink socially and was not someone who is fallen on the road after a drink, and she was ok with it.. She needs to stick by it and only stop him when he goes overboard ! It is silly when some woman suddenly WANT TO TAKE CONTROL AND CHANGE THINGS OVERNIGHT ! This is when the guy starts to feel ' he was enjoing life before marriage ' !! He is right !

I do agree with the statement of opposites attract - My hubby is everything I am not ! So, whatever I wouldnt do myself, I just venture with him. Similarly with him.. I am not a movie buff.. He loves watching one everyday.. I watch it with him, it doesnt hurt me. So, sometimes, when I just want to watch, Seinfield.. He does with me respite havng watched it many times before.. He giggles at it, like he is watching it for the first time ! So, thats about it. It takes two to tango. If I am was adamant that I WONT WATCH A MOVIE, it would either make him sad and me irritated. So, we just tweak a little.. calling it adjustments !

The problem would rise when either of the spouse becomes a pain in the neck for the other ! Few things, if informed before marriage.. they need to stick to the fact that it was ok for them BEFORE marriage. WHy change now ?

Also, few guys, hide such habits and make the woman feel trapped after marriage ! You rather be frank about your social habits much before marriage instead and marry the person who goes well and accepts the fact.. I remember a friend who turned funny, overnight, that she wants her husband to stop drinking socially ( once in a month or even lesser ).. She was aware of this before marriage.. but she didnt tell him, because she thought he would feel she is controlling his habits ( like it isnt now ) ! Now her reason was, because she is concnerned about his health, she is worried !! BS !! So, she wasnt after her engagement ! :rantCauses unnecessary rifts..

When few of our friends meet up, there was this single guy who is getting married in our freind's circle.. The men got together to say, that this guy who is getting married was ' getting caught ' ! Another female friend ( ILite ) who was also there, said, look Preethi, these men talk as if they have lost everything after marriage.. Just because we dont tell them, doesnt mean, we havent lost anything.. I smiled and asked one of our friend, what have they lost..? Everything, he said in a jiffy ! His wife looked sad.. Obviously. I said, Oh, why dont you let go off your wife then ? Instead of cribbing like this.. FOREVER.. and say you ahve NOTHING now.. let go off her.. Divorce.. Marry someone else, and get back EVERYTHING ! He was shocked ! He couldnt take the word Divorce even. Then why say it even for fun ! WHy make the wife feel like she is some burden .. why make her feel that she came , and her hubby's life changed bad ?? You either say, yes I have lost things and seperate than live and crib, right ! :bonk He was dumbstruck and his wife was rolling on the carpet with laughter !! She was like, I am ready and he was like SHUT UP !! Teasing is all fun.. But ' sarcasm and loose talks ' neednt be welcomed ANYTIME !

The spouse needs to check wether the loose talk is alright with their love.. ELSE DONT SAY IT ! Just because we think we have an awesome SENSE OF HUMOR, DOESNT MEAN EVERYONE SHOULD NOT BE SENSITIVE.

So, bottomline, DO ENOUGH HOMEWORK BEFORE GETTING MARRIED !
Even the smallest of incompatibilty you feel, step back.. analyse wether you can handle that well , else avoid the marriage !!

Never think that marriage is a FAVOUR ! You are in no way higher than the other person.. If you think you have done a big favour, then, you must understand that, the spouse has returned it to you, else YOU WOULDNT BE MARRIED !

Take every step together, do not just return a step taken by her / him !

Work your differences according to you. There is no book where marriage is explained.. It is just custom-made !

Make sure there is mutual respect in Marriage.. Love will follow !

It is just the way, one thinks.. If the wife asks you to come home soon, she is not stopping you from having fun.. she simply means she wants to spend sometime with you.. Well, if you cannot understand that.. then, YOU ARE RIGHT, MARRIAGE IS NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA ! :thumbsup

 

Aaah I always get caught up by reading b/w lines...

Sorry for my dumb question here!! Could some one pls explain...what does social drinking mean????

 

Hi Srividya,
Social drinking is drinking for the sake of giving company. It is kind of unavoidable, or sort of rude to not drink little in some official parties or social gatherings.
Hope I could explain.

Regards,
Yamuna.

 

Thx for including
I keep fighting for equality on IL starting with the website domain name

You tell them 'Marriage is not for everyone'. Its good for some who know the give and take it entails.

For some, staying single is best.

One should know oneself reasonably and be sure of wanting to get married before they commit.

 

Dear Priya,s mommie!!

From your id name itself it is clear as to what decision you have come to: 'No matter what the DH's or my own shortcomings may be, I love our Priya and that's what matters'....)))?!
Is that not so?
Yeah, no marriage is a perfect match between the partners. Those who think they are perfect for each other may have slain their own doubts and misgivings because they love their other half so much, with and without their mistakes!
But then, do everyone find that love..Maybe not. But we have learnt to compromise for the sake of our union and very often for the sake of our children.
If that is the case, should we even attempt the marriage if it involves so many 'ifs' and 'buts'? Excepting for a very few individuals, most of us want to share our life with someone. Alone is no fun!
Well, looks like Preethis has answered most questions in her usual vivid manner. There is a lot of love, logic and common sense in her reply. No wonder it found its way to the FP and in turn brought me here. Lucky me!
Only, all this advice is sadly, too late for me!:hide:

L, Kamla

 

Isn't this statement a little too unrealistic? I mean how in this world is it possible for two people to have similar thoughts. I mean I disagree with my parents, my brothers/sisters and these are people who I have lived with since childhood. So how can a person who has lived in a completely different world have same understanding? Doesn't this statement raise expectations of women (and maybe men too) and when they find it is not so after marriage they get disappointed and blame their husband (/wives) for all the problems whereas there were no problems if someone had told them that marriage is a part of life which should be lived and all its ups and downs accepted and cherished.