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Breathing space in a relationship

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shanvy, Jul 9, 2009.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t write much on relationships but blame it on Khalil Gibran the 1850’s poet verses has made me drop in here….

    Many a times, when we are in a closed room, with no air, the first thing we do is open up windows to give a little fresh air, to give a breathing space to yourself. The same should be there for every relationship, your breathing over your partner’s neck or stepping on the each other shoes is not going to help.

    The best way is to talk about what is it you are looking for in your marriage or relationship. Sometimes, we need to understand, there may be something missing in our relationship that needs to be found in a friendship or from a relationship like a mother/daughter/son/father.

    Sometimes we need to understand that we fell in love with an individual not with the intention of changing them according to our wishes. Keeping your own space/time is definitely needed and more so when the stress/tensions of the day are more. Be it a tv time, internet time or whatever. Remember, if you have stopped doing something to please your partner/spouse, you resent that freedom that your other half has. Try to balance the whole thing trying to understand things from the other’s view.

    Making a success of an relationship requires discussing your requirements, expectations, opinions and views with an foot firm in the reality rather than floating in the weight of ideologies…

    Well this poem of Khalil Gibran that talks so beautifully of giving breathing space in a relationship brought me to write this up


    Love one another, but make not a bond of love
    Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

    Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.
    Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

    Sing and dance together and be joyous,
    but let each one of you be alone,
    Even as the strings of a lute are alone
    though they quiver with the same music.

    Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping;
    For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

    And stand together yet not too near together;
    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow



    Well friends, i definitely don't know if any of us can write something more clearly than this....
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
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  2. amul

    amul Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Breathing space in a relationships

    Hi shanvy,

    Such a Nice and beautiful post:)

    regards
    amul
     
  3. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Breathing space in a relationships

    Dear Shanthi,

    This is a wonderful topic-

    We all fail to realise that too much of anything, togetherness inclusive -is unhealthy for a good relationship.

    This poem of Gibran is my alltime favourite and failure to maintain your privacy-personal space is the result of many bitterness among friends ,associates and relatives-mainly couples and parents and children.

    The success of a good partner is being when needed and vanishing when not...
     
  4. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Breathing space in a relationships

    wonderful post,shanvy!:cheers
    space is so necessary in relationships....
     
  5. april1981

    april1981 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Breathing space in a relationships

    Very well written shanvy:cheers
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Breathing space in a relationships

    Shanthi

    really good piece of information...thanks for sharing
     
  7. tiyamommy

    tiyamommy New IL'ite

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    Shanvy,

    This is what i need right now :) personal space...
    Too good, may be i'll copy this post and send it to my husband.

    cheers
    tiyamommy
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
  8. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Very nice poem by khalil.

    The very important factor to me in a healthy relationship is growing independently together ;)..That makes the relationship interesting.. me thinks..
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    thanks amul
    shakambari, thank you. but even the distances should not be in excess.
    thanks neha...

    just sharing khalil's wisdomw april...
    srividya, you are welcome..
    All the best to you...
    yes nandu, me thinks the same:cheers
     
  10. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear shanthi,
    A very useful and thought provoking post.
    You are correct.
    for a relationship to mature and grow it is vital that partners spend time together and also apart. Does this sound contradictory? That to be together one needs to be apart? It is a fact nonetheless.In the case of husband and wife
    Always
    don't be stuck to each other like conjoined twins at work. Give your partner and yourself a breather. Spend time chatting with your own circle of friends and allow your partner to do the same. You'll have a lot more to talk about with each other at the end of the day.Begin all relationships with some distance “built in.” Don’t give 100% of your time to anyone (not even to a baby; even babies need space). If “emotionally overcrowding” each other were avoided, people would not need to “tussle” for breathing space, thinking space, or resting space.Sorry for my long feed back.
    with love
    pad
     

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