Opinions Please

Well, I think your mom is right Harini....
It makes your cousin (A) sad when she sees you enjoying your family life. Its not because she is jealous on you, but its she is alone... She may not like her hubby due to her personal problems, but she would still miss her family life.... So please do not make her sad by exposing your blessed life in front of her.

Secondly your cousin (B) has her own reasons for not getting married, its upto her. if you talk about your real life (including goods and bads) in general that would help her to come up for a good decision in her life, but if you keep telling her the bad parts of your life (mean, the fights with your DH), that would really add more value to her anti marriage openion.

Hope this clarifies...

 

Dear Harini,

I would probably agree with your mother's approach - IF I can believe that you are the ONLY married person / couple your cousins ever get to see in their life and they do not watch TV/movie shows. But its not so & never going to be like that. Both of them are educated, has exposure to this world...how many such married people can they escape from?

Acutally, the more natural you act, the more they will feel at home. Because if you try to act different to "avoid" hurting them, they would be intelligent enough to sense that & would be hurt more, because in a way you are making them aware of their current marital status.

So I feel its best that you continue as your natural self & help them develop the courage to face the world, where there LOT of married (happily or unhapilly) married coulples. The only thing you must conciously do it - avoid any remarks or judgemental comments on their single status.

Hope I am not hurting any sentiments here.

 

Harini ,

I beg to differ here that your cousins would be sad or change their attitude towards life on seeing how you behave with your hubby.If you were talking of 16 year old juvenile then probably your mother is right as adolescents are more influenced by the people and relationships around them.These ladies are 40+ intellectuals and have seen enough life to decide what is right for them.

I agree with InfiniteHopes that you need not put a facade in front of them just to belie your feelings.You can be yourself and I am sure that is the way they would love you to be while interacting without any inhibitions on if you are affecting their judgements on life.

I would say that if try to pretend to be someone else then they might sense it and intrepret it as pity towards them which I don't think they deserve.Moreover marriage is not everything in life.Who knows your accomplished cousins are quite happy being single and as you construe they might not be longing for a companion.

As you said that B no longer has insular views on relationship/marriage but is still not open to the proposal of marriage,I would say she is taking one step at a time to efface the memories of bad relationships she has seen in the past.

Harini be yourself and I am sure your cousins would be more open to you.

 

Be yourself..
try not to change for others.

 

I completely agree with your mom. Surrounding still impact us no matter how matured and independent we are. It is very nice of your mom to ask you to be very considerate to them :thumbsup.

I would be just a bit more careful when with cousin A just to make sure she does not feel left out or lonely.

 

I agree with Sabitha here.. I dont think they would be influenced by your behaviour. If they did, both of them would be married by now just like you.
I am sure your cousins have their maturity level good enough to decide what best they want in life.

It is just that your mom is so much in love with them that she doesnt want them to be offended. For all you know, your cousins wouldnt even be thinking about any married life as a benchmark. Your mommy dear is just getting worked up. Pass a casual comment sometime and tell her your husband was upset because you werent yourself infront of the divorced cousin .. and you were just trying to behave like you had a problem. Mommy dear will spring into action and ask you not to overdo. End of the day, she wants her daughter too to be be happy. So, this way she will understand that you are making efforts but then at the cost of yours and your husband's happiness !

Dont worry, your cousins may not even be thinking on the same lines as you and your mommy.. They must be just enjoying your company. Leave it at that.

Take care..

 

Hi Harini,
If your mom is correct dont your think u r doing unjustice to ur husband n son. Just be as you are with ur family in very dignified manner.
Again its a two way process, its not only you understand them but they also needs to understand that u r married n can have ups n downs with ur dh, son. I belv they are much matured ladies n very well understand this.
So dont worry n chill