need ur advice

i wanted to thank you induslites for giving your valuable advices when ever needed.
my mil is selfish and from the day one of my marriage they want to control me .from the very first day of my marriage my dh sister was saying to control me for which my dh is silent .when i heard these type of incidents from the day one of my marriage i told my dh to give in response which he kept silence in front of me .which i feel my dh silence would also be the cause of my problems .because if he stood by then the problems would be minimal .for silly reasons they assemble i mean my dh mom dad along with their sisters and start giving their judgment finally what my dh has to say in favor of my inlaws even though no fault of mine.later on when i say to my dh that u very well know that fault is not mine but why do u have to say in favour to ur parents his answer is : i cant say anything in front of u to my parents which they feel bad .
so i agreed to his point but i don't know what he will say back of me .if he might have said any thing back of me my in laws would nt abuse me from the beginning of my married life all i want is i should be in control of them and my parents as well .
even if my parents come to visit our in laws house they wont even let my dh go for send off. that is how my dh sisters
will express everything from their eyes . i observed this many times and when i tell this to my dh he will say its ur feeling nothing like that .iam really big fool to express my feelings to my dh.
when ever we fight i said to my dh many times that don't discuss with the third person either ur parents or my parents
it will still worsen the case.
this also he revealed to my in laws .my dh doesnt share any thing with me but shares my feelings what ever i has to express him .my mil calls to his office to keep track of all the things going on .
he explains her everything in detail even the silly things as well.
but when i ask him to share his experiences he says what t o talk ?
which i feel so frustrated some times no one to share for me .
mos t of the time i read indusladies problems and your advices and not let my husband know abt this .
other wise he will think that all the ideas iam getting from IL.
last time also i posted my problem and u guys have given your advise
i followed to keep my self calm and concentrate on his health .but if he starts abusing me then i really feel bad.
i cant even tell u guys the way he uses his language
but that also in vain always he treats me like his enemy only his parents are his well wishers.
i have a kid who is very much attached to his dad even though i do a lot for my son .
even for very small fights he talks abt divorce.
this time i clearly mentioned to him that think of commitment before u talk for a divorce.
always he asks me to get out of the house when ever he is angry with me .
i really feel some times so frustrated with him .
he is aggressive ,abusive person .
i really don't know how to handle this person and my mil .
please pour in your thoughts.
i don't k now when he will realize for my self and kid?
these days i stopped telling abt my self to my parents also because they have become mentally and physically so weak abt my problems previously when even he used to fight with me my dh would call to my parents .
now iam just pretending that iam happy with my dh infront of my parents .
already they have become so weak . id ont want to stress them .
if my dh is in good mood he loves to the core , if he is not then it will be result in fighting some times physically hurting me as well.
please pour in your thoughts to deal with aggressive and abusive person .
and who goes to any extent of pleasing his parents what ever may be the circumstances.
i have this many times . many time i my self wen t to them and said sorry to my inlaws even though iam at no falut that makes my dh and my inlaws feel happy that iam in their control.

 

Hi indusladies,
iam really pissed off with the way things are going on in my life please help me .

 

choclate thanks for your reply .

iam doing a part time job . these days i stopped talking with him so he eventually comes and picks me up
me when it comes to my kids cant u do this he doesn't do any thing just again says i don't want to have one more fight
but leaves never a chance to pick me up .

 

Hi Preethi,
Thanks for your response Preethi. am really sorry for making u all confused with my post.
what to do i was being so frustrated with my dh behavior and when got a chance i wrote down all my thoughts with out having a second look at my post since am also scared of him , if he sees that am writing posts in Indus ladies i cant imagine what would be his next step?


yeah coming to my earlier post , as per Indus Ladies suggestions, wanted to give my helping hand regarding his health and started cooking healthy dishes for him and stayed calm.regarding his shares he is still the same spending his money on shares and sending the amount to his parents when even they ask him to send back.

my dh when he is in a good mood he helps me . but when he is stressed out and if he starts abusing me then if i say anything then he abuses me verbally and physically and many times he asked me to leave from the house and said u should have any shame to stay in my house.
he is really aggressive like his father .which my mil proudly say the fact that u haven't seen ur fil anger every one used to scare .........
even though my inlaws stay in india she controls my dh through phone .

thanks a lot preethi for your encouragement words ....
if i don't listen to him he threatens me with the word divorce . i said fine we will go with the divorce but give away all my money which i have given to you he says he wont .out of foolishness i have given him my hard earned amount to him for the purchase of land which is under my father in laws name.but actually am really not interested in these money as well as much as his parents and dh .

my dh is loving and caring as long as some one doesn't poison his ears .
esp his mom and his sisters.
even if he has to visit my house my mil takes him to the kitchen and say s what to talk and what not when i heard this ? i really felt bad spoon feeding him everything .when i say abt this he would be silent.

when ever he turns to be a monster i really don't know what to do .....
just a week back we had a fight and i ended with the post here. with no one to share except indusladies . but at the same time

now a days i stopped talking to him feeding my baby and my self and cleaning the house and but he is not letting me live like that as well .
he is picking upon me over the issue of my kid , she don't know how to wipe ur mouth after feeding you and she dont know how to tuck the bed and from then he starts up saying some nasty things ....
and again he says i really don't want to end up with one more fight .
iam being silent to what ever he has to say to me .


first days of my marriage he used to throw away the things , and talk rudely with his dad which i stopped him doing all these , now the major change is he started doing all this on me .

i really don't like the way things are going on with me . i really need your advises and once again thanks to choclate and preethi.
and also sorry for all the readers who has gone through my post but left you in the confusion with my post because the moment i got the laptop from my dh i posted all my thoughts with out giving any second look about the post .

 

Thanks Visu for your suggestions.
yes that's the reason as soon as i close the browser all my cookies would be cleared i just set the option recently because once he comes and asks me in the middle so i thought of this instead of every time me clearing all the history and he doesn't allow me to go ahead and purchase laptop for me with my money i asked him many times as well.
How r u doing visu now r u back to your wife's place and convey my love to your kid .
he knows very well that i clear up the history . he never said any thing for this which am really happy for it .

 

Hi Ushie,
yeah they are aware of my problems that's the reason they have become physically and emotionally weak , because my dh used to call irrespective of their timings and bother them .
now i am not saying any of my issues with my parents and they both of them being sensitive.
so iam just keeping to my self and indusladies that's it .