Is dowry system still there?

YES..Dowry system is very much there in India..When I got married like 3yrs back though they didn't ask dowry directly my parents gave a house on my name. Even then they are not satisfied and created lot of problems till recently to change that on their name.

And now today's market - People have become more n more greedy.

My parents are looking alliances for my sister who has done MBA and also working. As Ria was saying even my sister is not getting any good alliances as she is not an engg/doc. Even those alliances after knowing about our alliance, the guy's parents and sometimes the guy's themselves will call our parents and guess what, they are not asking for her bio-data and photo, they are asking how much you are going to give. If they get satisfied with the number(Amount) then they are asking to send the bio-data n photo.

And even the marriage looks(pelli choopulu) i don't know what it is called in english has become like a job interview. They are satisfied with the dowry they are being offered, they know that the girl is working but still they are asking questions like how much percentage(marks) you got in your 10th standard, in Inter and in Degree. What rank you got in ICET. People are becoming ..i dont even have words to describe such people.

I know world is changing, culture is changing..everything is changing.. but didn't know that even values are changing..marriage is becoming purely business. May be its better to conduct their own marriageCET entrance test. In that they can ask questions from all the subjects the girl studied from her school till date. Even if you pass that entrance exam there is no FREE seat even in not so good college(alliance). You have to pay donation(dowry- min 30 lakhs).

The qualifications for writing this entrance exam is - the girl should be very fair, slim, tall, beautiful, intelligent(should get above 80% thru out the education), working, should bring lots n lots of money and on top all of these she must be very submissive.

Hi,

i will say this topic as heart breaking for all ladies whether she belongs to rich or poor family, its luck soetimes poor's daughter goes to a good people and enjoys life like queen sometimes a rich man's daughter who herself is like queen finds herself nowhere after marriage. u might remeber Dr.Rashmi famous gynaec from nagpur did luv cum arranged marriage no chance for dowry she was earning now is paralysed totally dependent on her old parents even for her daily routine morning work. her husband himself a doctor tortured her along with his parents for dowry she couldn't speak anything to her parents and finally was beaten to brain haemmorhage resulted paralysis.
now a days if we see a s/w engr wants working it wife with flat advance car advance and heavy cash min 5-10 lakh in general cases for dowry . where is his education western mentality nowhere its all for talking. we r also searching a match for sis we met one person who himself senior RTO who gets cars free of cost every member of his family has got car but they want car along with cash household goods gold for boy after that whatever u wish to give ur daughter.this i am telling about north in UP there is an IAS offr who asked dowry 75 lakh from a widow DSP's wife for eldest daughter and 1 week hospitality for all his guests in a famous hotel, which he got. this is no problem for high class but imagine a friend of mine who dont have father and mother is a pvt school teacher was asked for 5lakh cash impossible for them, but her good luck within a week after breaking her engagement to this man she got well settled govt employed rly offr. so education is not at all effecting society at least in case of dowry. i know ED of engg company who took 1crore for each sons who are s/w engr in US, here all three of them are educated well settled no financial problem but want to grab whatever they can get free without any problem. i dont see any educated boy who is in good job and no demand for dowry so it will continue------------ god knows men are becoming western for their comfortable why don't they become western when it comes for dowry.

I don't believe that the girls qualification has anything to do with dowry.A person who wants dowry will ask for the same whether the girl is well educated or not,professionally qualified or not!

Well,we should not encourage it...have the courage to stand up and say -NO!

My aunt(the girl at that time),this was about 25-27 yrs back,chased a groom's family out of the house with a broom because they wanted dowry. Till this day,I admire her courage to do so!

At the end,it is a marriage-both boy and girl are getting married.It is not like only one is benefiting from this arrangement,so why only the girl's family should suffer.Both should share the expenses -that is the only way to lead a happy life.I don't know how one can lead a life with a guy who insists on a dowry---what sort of a life that will be! The marriage is the starting point and if that itself becomes a problem,what can one expect of life after that.

In Tamilnadu,there is something called 'seer varisai' where the girls family gives a lot of silver,other household items etc and displays it on the day of the wedding. Everyone who comes for the wedding goes to take a look at the same and give their comments on how much those people have given for the girl. I used to find it sickening.Is it a marriage or some sort of market? In olden times,people who could afford all this gave it willingly for their daughters.But nowadays,whether you can afford it or not,you 'have' to give it because firstly,the groom's side demands it and secondly,it becomes a prestige issue! Finally,the marriage itself becomes a prestige issue,it is definitely not a happy union of two families!

I was thinking about this.. And I think we all know the crux behind the surface.. But we refuse to admit it..
After seeing my brother , sis getting married.. working thru my marriage.. seeing my sis-in-law's marriage... All i can say is.. Institution of marriage is crumbling badly in India in last generation.We are feeding the monster called greed in some or other way..People dont want to take responsibility for anything..they wants gals who will take care of their own expense.. and their household expense too... I wish i cud divide producing kids also equally liek that...

Guys bring their so called beloved wives to US... FOrce them to earn all the time.. force them to accept their way of life..
Back home India also, we grow up our duaghters to be submissive and yet working.. Basically people need some kindda servant who will produce babies and give sex and not ask questions for anything.. That kind of spouse is what these greedy so called educated NRI guys also look..
I really pity them bcos.. having seen so much money.. if they cannt value importance of other sentiments like love and care ..then its them who are loosing out on big run.. I wish I grow to be a parent.. where I can enable my daughter and teach her not to suffocate herself in a relation which is seemingly failing on its basics..
Most of us choose to work thru a marraige which sickenign from the beginning.. Why we dont give our gals option or a society where can choose to be single or come out of bad relation.. and not be labled selfish or non-adjusting.. While these guys are the one who shud be cursed to stay alone all their life..

Sad sad.. Indians revel in their tradition and so called morals. bUt i guess we have that sheath of morals and goodness forgone since long time.. Now all we have is some scars we show to others.. that we used to have morality and equality long time ago in vedic age.. since then we have been deteriorating into boasting individuals who will feed dowry silently to get our gals well-placed alliance.. or we will ask ourselves huge some of money while we set our son's marriage.. I only wish women get to do what Sita eventually had to turn up to get some peace in life.. I admire her for that a lot.. She told Rama.. This earth and its people doesn't deserve her...if she has to give Agni-pariksha all the time..

Hi Ladies,

Dowry system will never go away in Indian society as long as people are greedy and men are mama's boys irrespective of their education and western way of life.

Someone in this thread pointed out that the recent developement of love marriages may make a difference...But NOPE... it just doesn't make any difference...at all. I am from Chennai, a south Indian loved a guy from my same background, education, status, even the subsect within our so called caste etc., .. we thought life will be better for us because we don't have to hurt our parents in any way. Though my parents agreed readily due to the quality of my then fiance' (who is a well educated decent human being) with only one condition .. that my parents will never entertain any talks of dowry in any form...My guy agreed happily as he is also of the same opinion and then revealed the issue to his parents (who are from stone age!!!) thinking that they would be very happy about his choice...There ..when they met my parents for the first time..all hell broke loose....they wanted a very sunservient, unemployed, traditional, village kind of bride for their son.. so when they saw me with my shalwar (a total 21st century girl with very modern looks conversing mostly in english)for the first time, they were totally disappointed.. and then when the talk went on between both parents, the very first question from both my MIL and FIL was what will you do for the wedding in terms of gold, diamond, grand wedding etc., I was shocked and wanted to tell them get out...But then I tried my best to behave in a civilised way and told them they need to talk to their son to proceed any further... Well.. obviously their son did not make it clear to them about our condition... Anyway, after so much of bitterness and so many meetings, they bluntly refused and we had to marry on our own with my parent's blessing alone.
Though my husband felt very sad..for his decision, he also realized that his parents are being very greedy and not practical in any way. The same parents of his, who conducted their second son's marriage (arranged) to their heart's content with hefty dowry and everything, now after 10 years of that marriage with 2 kids, their darling DIL has filed seperation and waiting to divorce their son, as she feels too superior to him and right from day ONE, there is no peace or happiness in the marriage as she keeps insulting her husband in every way. So my hubby told his father that its all bcos of your greed you have ruined your own son's life.. thank God, I got a little brain to say NO to your greed and that brought happiness and peace in my life...Since this comment by my hubby to his father, they don't see or talk to each other..TRUTH always Hurts.

The moral of the story is Dowry never dies unless the parties involved are very determined to stick to their views by forcing parents to budge , if not disrespecting parents on this issue is NOT A CRIME.

Geeth Priya