humiliating medical tests for marriage

Dear friends I want to share a very humiliating incident that happened to a young educated girl. My friend's sister-in-law, -- B.Arch from a reputed institution and working in a reputed company, earning a very decent salary was engaged to a boy from U.S. The formalities for getting a visa were going on including a medical test. There came a bomb shell from the boy's mother -- the girl should undergo a virginity test and a DNA test. The boy and his family wanted to confirm that the girl is still a virgin and her father was her biological father. Even though her parents were ready for the tests, the girl was not willing. Instead she asked for a similar tests for the boy to prove that he is still a bachelor and biological son of his father. She was really furious and stopped the marriage. By god's grace she married a boy who is into construction business. The girl resigned the job and joined her husband's business. She is happy now. Just because the boy is in U.S, his parents were demanding these humiliating tests. I heard many similar cases like this. Where are we heading to? If a marriage -- a happy lovable bond for life -- based on suspicion, then what is the point of it?

Hai Uma,
it is very atrocious on the part of the groom to demand such tests from a girl. Had he done the tests first for himself and given the report to the girl and then asked for her to get tested, may be that is okay. Even then, there is no way to find if a man is a virgin, is there? And asking for a DNA test is humiliating to the mother and father of the girl. They should have filed a case against those people or exposed them thro the media.
And it is very brave of the girl to refuse and cancel the wedding. After all, a marriage is based on trust! Hats off to her!

Hi Uma

We are hearing these type of stories now-a-days quite a lot. Our girls should be brave enough like your friend's SIL.

Varudhini

I heard of people demanding for HIV tests(which I support),but DNA...that is the limit.So they don't trust the family itself..then how were they willing to marry their son to the girl in the first place.

All these just simply fall under MALE CHAUVINISM.

Yes, pretty much every girl whether educated or not doesn't really matter; they all go throguh some form of these so-called torture.

Actually i think this should be other way round. What i mean by that is, only the NRI boy should prove that he is still virgin.

Or i don't see a problem if both the bride and groom go for medical test. All i would prefer is justice on both the sides.

Let me share a small short real story.

Once a boy and girl got married ( arranged ). Later they had some disputes ( as usual ) family in-laws issues and so they sought a counsellor's advice. They went to an lady counsellor and what was so disheartening was that the lady doctor mentioned that the girl should give up because thats how our culture is supoosed to be it seems.

I was totally upset to hear that.

Anyway i think girls need to be very much independent. I want to make sure that i do not sound like a feminist. I am not.

All i want to mention is let their be fairness please...

v bad dont knw wot nuts these guys r :)) sorry guys but the truth is tht
u cud get a virgin test done b4 marriage but after ??
Trust is the basic thing which needs to remain in a marriage if the basic foundation is not proper the marriage wudnt survive
asking for such tests show how the mentality of tht family always gud to avoid such grooms looks like tht guy isnt going to get married at all
:))

Dear friends
I'm very happy the way u r all responding. but the truth is many parents are still want to get a son in law from foreign especially america. they ready to undergo any insults or humiliations to themselves and to their daughters.
yesterday when I was narrating the incident to my neibhor, she said "what is wrong? if u want yr daughter to marry a NRI u have to oblige them".everybody thinks that all the NRI boys are multicrorepathis and living next door either to george bush or bill gates.
uma

Actually,Uma,I was thinking,why even these days parents want their daughters to be married to NRI's.Infact,I am wondering if it is the parents or the daughters themselves who want to marry only NRIs.I have heard of many girls wanting to marry someone,i.e. anyone from the US only.Invariably,what happens is,the girl finds someone from the U.S,gets married,comes here with rosy dreams of a leisurely life and a good job.After she lands here,she realises that everything is not rosy on this side!.Especially,the job part of the deal because,most probably she is on a dependent visa and therefore cannot work atleast for a few years.

I don't know why the parents nor the girls themselves think before they get into this sort of a deal.

But things are surely changing.I am now hearing of many Indian youngsters who don't want to leave our country.Most of them are IITians and IIMers.They are getting paid so well in our own country that they are refusing to leave our soil.That is a good trend.