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  1. #1
    Lily10 is offline New ILite
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    Default How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married lif

    Hello!
    Dear all , help me .

    How to deal with moody ,short tempered husband to save married life .

    waiting for valuable guidelines

    regards,


  2. #2
    roopadadia's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Dear Lily,

    Is he so only with you or with everyone. Its best to leave such people alone. One of my Jiju is also like this...in his case even his parents don't talk to him if not necessary.

    But you don't fallout on any of the duties around the house.

    Does he dominate only on you or others too. I am sure his ego is at its peak at all times.

    See to it that you don't hurt his ego...but at the same time don't compromise on yours. When you feel you can't handle a situation move away from there for some time...

    Are you working or at home...engage your self in constructive activities.
    Lets hear from you more.


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    Lily10 is offline New ILite
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Thanks
    I was working before 5 yrs in IT .currently i am not working .
    I want to start some business to get busy with my work.
    I have good friend stoo to discuss my feelings .i have bif friend circle.
    I have one daughter of 10 yrs old so considering my daughter's feeling i am adjusting with my husband
    anyway thanks for ur help

    regards,


  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Dear Lily,
    Here is some analysis that I found on a website -

    "Short-tempered people look for the same high standards and perfectionism in others as well as in themselves. As a result, they anger easily and are always on edge. For this kind of person, it is important to realize the true nature of humankind; they need to understand that they themselves are not perfect. If they are incapable of realizing this, they will be given opportunities to allow them to come to this conclusion as a result of external events. Something is sure to happen to wound their pride.
    Perfectionists dream of doing things perfectly, and often they have succumbed to the illusion that they themselves are indeed perfect. In other words, they are people who aim for things that it is beyond their ability to attain. The higher they reach, the more pain they will feel when they fall. When something occurs to teach them that they are not perfect, the shock affects them deeply. It may be the result of some personal failure, or they may have this experience through receiving help from other people in a time of illness or some other misfortune. This mind of experience will allow them to realize their own imperfections. Some kind of failure will occur to make them see they are not perfect, resulting in their becoming kinder to others."

    I feel for the very moment, other people or their feelings take a back seat when things are not done perfectly and such people then become insensitive to other's feelings.

    I think with short-tempered people, its probably natural to feel that they are dominating us. Actually it may not always be true. The fact can be - we don't want to voice our opinion - if different - for the fear that he will lose his temper. So we just accept what he says. But at times, they do expect some suggestions to improve, so alternatives etc. So keeping quiet for the fear of an argument may not help. You need to accept them as they are and act normal by questioning them, do things against their wish, keeping quiet when you feel that things are going out of hand or you really have nothing to say and at times agree/appreciate their opinion.

    With a 10 yr old daughter, I think its very important to set an example. If you continue to just accept the situation, she may feel that that's the right way to handle things. Instead, you need to help her learn to tackle every situation differently.

    I am not asking you to constantly question or always contradict - but be true to your feelings and express them. Its your life too, gradually you will see that he will start respecting. Unfortunately all such things are not an overnight change - but takes time. Keeping your feelings inside you for too long is not going to be good for your health too. You may take out that anger on someone else - may be your daughter - unknowingly ofcourse. You are also a human being and entitled to all feelings.
    At times - as Roopa says - being quiet could be the best solution.
    All the best !

    sathurekha likes this.

  5. #5
    Lily10 is offline New ILite
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    hi!
    thank u very much for ur guidelines.

    Regards,




  6. #6
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Hi Lily,

    The analysis that IH has mentioned is true to a great extent.

    I think it would not be a great idea to discuss your feelings openly with everyone you know personally as then they would tend to look down on your hubby which you may too not like at some stage.

    Here no one knows you personally hence you can pour your heart out here.

    As far as your hubby is concerned you will have to deal with him tactfully. As i said earlier when you feels things are getting out of hand move away from there for some time...don't let your temper rise too as it will have an ill effect on your daughter. Once both of you cool down in a few hours think what best you can do in that situation. If you feel that somewhere something is not right and you don't see eye to eye on the same...do gently voice your opinion don't act dumb. Even if he does not listen to you atleast you will be satisfied that you did put your view across.

    Currently the market conditions are so dynamic that getting a job or doing a business is also tuff.

    Take care.


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    maganda is offline New ILite
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    I have exactly the same problem. Thanks for the advice and dicussion. I was guessing that my husband is might be a dominating person from his approach to me and sometimes with others. But usually his main focus is me. Always ready to attack me by word or argument , 99% time disagree with my views and suggestion, always try to correct me and so on. I am the culprit I should fix him at early stage but I didn't do , because I used tothink that I don't want to hurt him. Anyway we had beed married 16 yrs he is doing the same and getting worse so I think I should follow your advice. Thanks.


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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Hi...hope this thread is still active...I have exactly the same problem quoted by Lily. It is so depressing. I'm marriend for 6 years...I live in US, far away from my friends & family and have a 1.5 year old daughter to takecare...My husband has zero tolerance to anything and everything. For example, On a Saturday evening he had coffee at around 5:30 pm and then I get busy with my daughter. He is still sleepy and asks for onemore cup of coffee around 6.30...I went to make one, but got distracted as my daughter was looking for somehelp. I forget to give him. Now what is wrong in reminding that he wanted coffee... instead he starts a big argument like, I dont respect him and I have problem paying attention blah blah blah....why does this happen and how should I deal with him ? Anything I say or do, he gets angry. I literally have come to a point where I shiver in front of him.

    Regards

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily10 View Post
    hi!
    thank u very much for ur guidelines.

    Regards,



  9. #9
    hemalathaK is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    Quote Originally Posted by gbalaji View Post
    Hi...hope this thread is still active...I have exactly the same problem quoted by Lily. It is so depressing. I'm marriend for 6 years...I live in US, far away from my friends & family and have a 1.5 year old daughter to takecare...My husband has zero tolerance to anything and everything. For example, On a Saturday evening he had coffee at around 5:30 pm and then I get busy with my daughter. He is still sleepy and asks for onemore cup of coffee around 6.30...I went to make one, but got distracted as my daughter was looking for somehelp. I forget to give him. Now what is wrong in reminding that he wanted coffee... instead he starts a big argument like, I dont respect him and I have problem paying attention blah blah blah....why does this happen and how should I deal with him ? Anything I say or do, he gets angry. I literally have come to a point where I shiver in front of him.

    Regards
    I really feel very bad for you.Like your DH my FIL is also such a kind of person and it is really very hard to deal with such people.Once or twice remind him politely that you too are a human being and that he is also the same like you and why don't he understand that you too have the same feelings like anger etc..Also tell him that he is not a animal from forest and you cannot shiver in front of him.Talk all these things when his is in a good mood.

    Sathyameva jeyate

  10. #10
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    Default Re: How to deal with very moody and self centered ,dominating husband to save married

    hello Dear

    Even I am in the same boat. I got married in jan 2011. Mine was arrange marriage so didnt know abt each others habits and behaviour. I knw i am also not perfect and have many negatives ......bt I also shiver to tok to my hsuabnd ...i preferred texting him on mobile wat i wantd to convey him n used to get relief dat i said wat was there in my heart and he must hv read also......but this makd situations worse as my DH hated long texts(i m sure no guy likes that). I love my husband alot , i knw he cares for me too but i want to change his temperament. He says such things in temper dat r too vague and bad..He doesnt like me toking to my sis or parents when at home inspite his sister(7 yrs elder to him married wid 1 baby )staying with us from day 1 of my mariage and my DH sits and gossips with her so nicely....




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