Why Are Indian Women Like This???

hi manaswini
i agree with you...but at the same time ,these abuses where happening even in couples who were love married too...without parents consent..
so,its basically the compatibility thats causing these abuses...

 

I think every culture has abuse going on, but in ours I think there is a disproportionate amount of men with big egos, bad tempers, and unusually strong attachments to their moms.

Add all this together and you get angry mamma's boys who never want to hear the other side of the coin.

Of course not all Indian men are like this, but I think if you take sample of 100 white men, 100 Hispanic men, 100 Black men, 100 Indian men you will find the highest amount of ego/temper/attachment-to-mom in the Indian men group. I mean, have you ever heard of a white man defending his mom over his wife? I know comparing Indian culture to western culture is like comparing apples to oranges, but I feel in some ways Indian men could learn a lesson or two from Western men.

As for Indian women, I think you would find a dissproportionate amount of Indian women are tolerant, forgiving, and patient. Add all this together and you get a large number of women willing to put up with abuse. A lot of western women divorce for much less reasons than abuse, things like incompatability. But Indian women are hesitant to divorce even under worst of circumstances.

In conlcusion I feel that the nature of Indian men plus the nature of Indian women creates a "perfect storm" for abuse. Please no one take what I'm saying in a wrong way! I definitely understand there are strong Indian women out there and nonabusive Indian men, I'm just giving my observation as to what I feel. Indian culture has a lot to offer the west, but in regards to relationships, I feel we could learn a thing or two from them. Sure our divorce rate is lower, but at what cost?

Thanks Manaswini for bringing up such an interesting topic!

 

HI Manaswini,

you have hit the nail on the head by writing this topic congrats to you.

Indian women feel that they cannot leave without their husbands and are always dependant on them, while indian men are so egoistic, mums boys and ARE NEVER WILLING TO COMPROMISE. the indian society is that when a girl reaches a certain age the parents are in a hurry to get her married without even letting her to court the guy for a yr or so.

I have seen so many indian ladies who are so educated and in good jobs but still being abused by men, it is because they cannot fight back and they are always made to feel inferior by their husbands and that is wrong indian men cannot take it if a woman goes a step ahead of him, his ego will get hurt.

i have many white european friends and the way they treat a woman is amazing, unlike the indian men.
if only our indian women would wake up and fight against this abuse, they just think about what the society would say if they walk out.
indian women should start to be strong and defend themselves.

alpa:cheers

 

Good Thread ! These questions always run on my mind too !!
It is indeed amazing how we talk about women's lib and at the same time hear to the helplessness the woman faces in an abusive marriage.
More stranger, is when the woman says " I was not like this before marriage " !! Hey so was this gentleman called " Husband " !! He wasnt hitting anyone or howling till you came !! Now why he does that ? Either you are talking too much or not talking at all !! Whatever.. no one has the right to hit a fellow human ! When done on the streets we call it rowdism ! We feel awkward about it.. We say " too much of voilence " !
But when it happens inside the house it is just called " Marriage " !!
For the sake of marriage, for the sake of kids, somewhere down the line we have just forgotten the ' I ' part totally !! They rather be abused and killed than being divorced.
I back Suitablegirl's write up .. We have very less number of divorce only because we women do not retaliate and speak up ! In any corner of the world marriage , men and women are characteristic ! The reactions are what differs ! It is not that westerners do not respect marriage.. Every NRI will agree with me when I say there are very very classy close knit families outside India too ! They maybe meeting for dinner on Thanxgiving or Christmas only or taking appointments to meet parents and dont physically live with the parents BUT they are very much in love with parents like any of us ! They have something called tears too when there is a loss ! They also have guts ! They do not have a second thought wether they have to leave from an abusive marriage ! Regardless of wether they have a job, they are with kids or not ! Yes, there is a lott we could learn from every culture in this world !
It is very very painful when you see educated women talking about helplessness ! Instead of telling this is how I grew up with lots of strength , this and that .. why dont you just lead a life with no nonsense !!
Now everyone makes mistakes.. So if marriage ( by your choice ) was a mistake , correct it soon so that you dont have to die for it someday ! Sometimes, you would have fallen for the wrong person not realising it obviously and he starts becoming a monster later, give him up ! Now that is what mommy has taught us isnt ? Stay away from monsters !
Sometimes parents think too much about society and expect their daughters to " adjust " .. Now that is when a parent is wrong ! they are humans too.. they can afford to make mistakes as well ! But cant one see that ? They just get struck in some thoughts and pressure and think about ending life ! Now that is again the most stupid decision one can take !
It is like telling the world.. Hey Everyone, Look at me.. I am regretting all my decisons till now, given up on everything and you can call me a loser ! We will be forgotten eventually ! But who cares.. atleast we have ended life becasue we could not handle things !!

Is'nt life worth more ??

 

Nice topic Manaswini :thumbsup.I am glad you started this thread.

We Indians have come a long way in terms of education and welcoming modern life style, But still (unfortunately) India is still a male dominant country.

I personally feel that if marriage was just about husband and wife, there would be very less of problems. Gradually, they will get used to each other and make their adjustments and move on in life.

Here is my 2 cents... Majority of the problems are caused by rest of the family (in laws mostly).Most of the women who live in a joint family put up with in-law problems because they are helpless because in her husband's house, no one would support her.The more the women try to be patient, the more they are taken for granted. The worst part is the girls are raised to be hypocrites and pretend all happy even when they have issues. Most women feel that it is wrong to confide in and talk about such problems even to close friends or her own parents.
The sickest part is in most cases, the husband conveniently closes his eyes and eyes towards what his wife putsup with .. why?... bcoz that is what a nice , homely 'bahu' is supposed to do.... how convenient!!!bonk

Women should come out of the attitude that 'My husband is the center of my universe and I will put up with anything and everything to be married to him'.People will treat them with respect only if they value their own self esteem and not let anyone take them for granted.

They should take their education and career seriously.

 

Reshsabu has said everything that I wanted to say. Most of the problems between a married couple are related to the in-laws, whether she lives in a joint family or not.

I would like to add that in the Indian society, women in all their roles are expected to be hypocrites, as if they were born to please others all their life!

It's good to see so many like-minded women here. It shows that there will be CHANGE in the next generation.

But I feel that most of us who are trying to bring about change seem to live outside India. Within India, the society just does not allow change to happen.

 

I feel this attitude is deep rooted Indian society.
When you visit an average middle class Indian house where they have a girl and boy child of same age, you may have seen a girl child sweeping/ helping mom in household chorus, how may of us would have seen a boy child in that scene.

So it is not just society, but parents feed this iniquity subconsciously into the child’s brain.
Our brain works the way we believe.
A child who has always grown in an environment where girls are meant to works and boys are supposed to rule, will try to implement the same with people around him/her also.


Change should not just come from men, but also from women (tomorrow’s MIL)

A very fine example is that of my case.
My husband was grown in an environment where my FIL would help my MIL to do the house hold chorus as my MIL would work, now he helps me with all the house hold work right from washing cloths to mopping floor.
Where as I can’t even see the remotest quality of same with my cousin who thinks his wife should do all the work even if she is suffering from illness because it is her duty as a wife.

Some men don’t even learn from family members, forget about learning from Europeans/ Americans.

So parents are the first teachers, we should teach our sons to respect women and daughters to handle the male chauvinism cleverly.

~Shilpa